[detachedangst]

I haven't been around this forum lately but I don't know where else I can get this off my chest. I haven't had much suicidal ideation recently and that has felt really nice. Yesterday my husband and I had a date night and I happened upon the easiest way to complete the task I have ever seen. I fantasized about it a little but mostly it just scared the poo out of me to be that close. I was scared I would lose control of myself/my anxiety and just take the plunge so to speak. I can't explain how I felt..... I'm not suicidal right know but I was very afraid I would do it, I couldn't trust myself. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?

[kaliope]

I have been there....its scary......that's why I don't have things that can harm me in my home.....I often think about putting together a suicide kit to carry in my trunk...I know I have to worry then....but even when I am doing good, sometimes I am hit out of the blue with thoughts/images of me taking my life, just like images/thoughts of self harming. they scare me. I kind of freak out. I wonder where they come from, they must mean something, right? I have learned to use mindfulness techniques to deal with them. the thought comes into my mind, I acknowledge it and I let it fade out of my mind as quickly as it c ame. I don't attach any feeling to it. it was only a thought, it doestn have to mean anything. it is just a cloud passing through. hope this helps. take care.

[lynn808]

Yes, I do. the panic and anxiety wells up inside you and threatens to overflow. Splitting starts and I feel so fractured. I will always be a failure and worthless and hopeless. then why am I here......I feel the constant battle of thoughts. it terrifies me when I am driving, and the feelings seem so real that I am almost frozen in fear. sometimes I have to pull over and get myself together, try to convince me this is not my last trip. I have tried the short meditation of self-calming, that works sometimes. Or am I the only one?? I dunno.