[Achy Turtle Armor]

I have posted on here in different places about my relationship with my H. Until today I was absolutely sure that I was doing the right thing to divorce him.

Today I accepted an invitation to meet with him and his Pdoc. That was unbelievably hard to see him today. I'm still very emotional about it. I had to look at him & tell him that it is too late & we are not getting back together. He looked pitiful. I brought him some clothes and stuff. I did way more for him than he did for me when I was in the same situation a month ago.

He refused to have a meeting. He never visited or called me. He didn't bring me anything. He did nothing when he saw me attempting to kill myself. I did just the opposite. Yet still I sit here and think how much I feel sorry for him. How he is 44 and I have ruined his life. How he will likely never get well and might die alone and or homeless. How he has no one but me who cares about him.

How do I get past these feelings? I feel in my logical mind that this is the right choice for me to divorce him but I feel such pity & guilt in my heart.

[Astriferous]

You did not ruin his life. By ignoring your needs in a crisis, he was communicating to you that he didn't care. You're doing what you have to do in order to be healthy.

But, it's also okay to pity him. He's going through a lot as well, and it's only human nature to have sympathy and compassion.

You are not in charge of his recovery. He needs to be in charge of that. He's an adult. If you're worried that he's a danger to himself or others, you should contact his psychiatrist and arrange for him to be in inpatient.

I hope everything goes well

[Achy Turtle Armor]

He actually is IP. I had to call the police over to the house a couple days ago. He texted & then called me to tell me that he had taken an overdose. So he went to the hospital and now he is IP somewhere else.

Thanks for your reply. It makes sense. It is normal I suppose to have compassion. I needed to hear that.

[jean17]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I have posted on here in different places about my relationship with my H. Until today I was absolutely sure that I was doing the right thing to divorce him.

Today I accepted an invitation to meet with him and his Pdoc. That was unbelievably hard to see him today. I'm still very emotional about it. I had to look at him & tell him that it is too late & we are not getting back together. He looked pitiful. I brought him some clothes and stuff. I did way more for him than he did for me when I was in the same situation a month ago.

He refused to have a meeting. He never visited or called me. He didn't bring me anything. He did nothing when he saw me attempting to kill myself. I did just the opposite. Yet still I sit here and think how much I feel sorry for him. How he is 44 and I have ruined his life. How he will likely never get well and might die alone and or homeless. How he has no one but me who cares about him.

How do I get past these feelings? I feel in my logical mind that this is the right choice for me to divorce him but I feel such pity & guilt in my heart.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I was there once. I did let him go. I was devastated about it. Just like you. I was so sorry for him. He was a sad, pathetic, little creature. Not the man that had controlled my life entirely for 15 years.
And, yes, I think we are right in feeling sorry for them. But, I got over it somehow although it can still haunt me. I did such a mean thing to him. I ruined his life. But, it was his life or mine. I would have been gone by now it I had stayed with him.
I do hope things work out for you. It's a very hard place to be. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

[ifst5]

You will move on from this, you don't get over years and years of marriage without confused thoughts and churned up feelings. As another poster has pointed out, you really can't be responsible for him now - he's 44 and if he's serious about his recovery he will sort himself out and move on with his life. There's nothing to say he won't improve and remarry and begin to enjoy life again - but you can't be the one in charge of that. Any time you feel guilt i would remember all the ways you've been held back in your own recovery by this situation. You deserve only the best chance at happiness and if you know in your gut that this is the right thing to do all you can do is be gentle with yourself and allow these difficult feelings to wash over you and ease with time. All the best.

[widgets]

The worst thing for anyone would be for you to stay with him put of guilt... You're doing the best for yourself and him in the long run...

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I will continue to look back at these replies when I am feeling conflicted again. You all will never know how much your comments have meant to me. Seriously. Thank you.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Not really feeling conflicted now but rather pity which I need to change to compassion. He is now begging me, "Please don't do this." This makes me cry. On top of it all I am going to see Jack Johnson tonight and I have a lot of memories of us listening to him together. :/

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Doing well but then I haven't heard from him...

[Achy Turtle Armor]

The bickering has begun and I am having no part of it.