Who is your alter ego?

I was recently diagnosed with bpd. I am still in the adjustment phase for all of my medication. I am still learning about bpd, what it means, and how to live with it. I am a 29 year old married woman with a 2 year old son.

I am not certain what triggers are, nor am I certain what constitutes as a non-post-able trigger post. I am sure admin will let me know if this is not acceptable. I know that my biggest trigger (by my definition) is my husband.

I had an epiphany today. I have an alter ego. Another person that lives inside of me who is incredibly confident and a bit coquettish. She gets me into a lot of trouble. Her name is Minx. It's the handle I used to use in all the games I played that I have had to quit. I pushed her deep down inside and for the last few months, I haven't thought about her.

She came knocking today. Minx (it feels weird rreferring to myself in a version of the third-person) had a lot of male friends. She was revered in a world that only touches the people in that world. She created a separate life in that world wherein she was important, needed, sought after. She was powerful and popular. Everyone knew who she was and she lived there for 8 months. That may not seem like a very long time, but it was a long time to share my life with her. She took over 6 months into that life.

I don't know how to describe it. I told my husband I wanted a divorce, I stopped caring about anyone (except my son) and Minx took the reigns. My work suffered, my home life suffered, my personal relationships suffered. It was like I was just an outsider looking in. I could see what was happening, but didn't care. Part of me cared, but the Minx part of me was far stronger than I was.

No one knows this to this day, it just so happened that we started couples counseling wherein I expressed my thoughts and it was decided that I needed to see a psychiatrist. I have been on Wellbutrin and Trileptal since July.

I was told that they would have to do GeneSight testing on the 19th to determine what direction they need to take my medication. It worked for a little while, but it has stopped.

That's probably why she came knocking. She knows I am weak right now. She puts all these thoughts into my head and makes me want to contact people I know I shouldn't. I don't want to lose what I have so she can have the short-term things she wants.

It felt good to finally get that down on "paper".

Any advise is welcome. Any stories that are similar are also welcome. It's nice to know I am not alone.

As far as I know, I didn't have one. Do you think you might have a second personality, as in Dissociative Identity Disorder?

I deleted everything related to her. Someone from her life literally just emailed me. I am not sure I have the strength to ignore it. This is utterly out of control.

I am losing it. I am losing myself. I am not certain what the correct course of action is.

I don't know. I didn't think you could if you knew about it? Does that make sense?

Were you diagnosed with D.I.D. I hope that you get the help that you deserve and need.
Best wishes...

No. Mood Disorder & Manic Depression. Although, my psychiatrist doesn't know about Minx. I see him in a week. I will tell him.

I can relate to you about that, but with me, my other persona is male, but like you he fills my head with thoughts I don't normally think, like making rude or inappropriate thoughts, comments and unrelated things. He sometimes has control over my verbal speech too, like with him he cusses a lot and is all around mean and aggressive, but can be friendly at first to others he don't know or like. At times he does have some control over my mind set, like I switch out and suddenly I'm him fully. I thought it was dissociate and I've asked people, but they say it's only dissociate if I don't know it's happening, but since I do, sometimes, I wasn't sure and was a bit confused with who I was then. I've been told I had gender identity disorder and also was curtain to just be bi-gender, but again I guess I'm just still figuring out the answers too.

I too feel this way, I have differing personalities I show to some or others, yes. I have since I was a child....hmmm. one is naughty and uncaring, then there is me...

Some ultra skinny, contrarian beauty with an even hotter girlfriend...

Less superficially, i'd like to be a bit smarter, more understanding...more experienced.

Yours?

I am nervous about Friday. I am even more nervous if he wants me to discuss with my spouse.

This is me. To. A. T. Mine was Brittany. I did the same stuff. I wasn't with my husband at first, but toward the end of her reign, he and I had started seeing each other and she caused me to almost completely ruin that.

She was only friends with men, only wanted that kind of attention. I saw what she was doing, but when she got that attention, I felt warm from it too.

I never knew someone else felt this same thing. Comforting.

I am really struggling with her today. It's exhausting.

I was last night... I wanted attention. My hubby works on the road and usually it doesn't bug me (I mean it sucks but we make it work), and last night I almost gave in.

It wasn't like I was gonna cheat... She just wanted to feel wanted. I know that I am wanted. But she's so... Oppressive sometimes.

I know where to get what she needs. I just don't want to give in. Ugh.

I know how you feel. You can do it. Know there's someone who feels how you do. I do. I know what she wants, but it would ruin everything that I have if I gave in. What I have is so much more precious, I'm sure what you have is too. Call your pdoc to be seen

I don't have an alter ego, i was just explaining what mine would be as per the title of your thread. I'm sorry you're having this problem, if it isn't related to something like DID i would still recommend professional help...sometimes these things are a way of working something out, of escaping. I hope you find a way of negating all the negativity that leads to these problems

I don't have an alter ego, but my 'inner child' struggles against my BPD, very much like in the book: "Get Me Out of Here" which is a BPD accounting. As a youngster I was impressed the value of being self-reliant and tough. I grew up in a protector role in my family, and it has continued through adulthood. Its come to the point though that those behaviors actually make things worse for me, and have made it hard to see that I need help, and especially to ask for it.

I don't act out to show when I am needing attention until I am at the breaking point is one bad consequence of this struggle.

wow......I can certainly wrap my head around this concept. is why it is so, so hard to ask for help. as a protector I could never let my guard down.....had to be strong for the rest. I could never rest, stop, slow down, not pay attention, relax, rest, sleep, dream..........wow

His name is Vincent. He wants me dead. He's been worryingly quiet recently...

Hi, interesting thread, I know how you feel and the power struggless between these people and yourself. I have 3 persons, one is a child, one is an attention seeking hooker, very wild and extremely problematic, the other one is just more or less blank she represents death, she's evil. I know what it's like battling with different personalities and yes it can become very tiring and risky. My T knows about them and my diagnosis is depression with psychotic symptoms and bpd. i take antipsychotics for my characters and it does help it keeps them at bay but lately the child has been back and its very hard to cope...