[Achy Turtle Armor]

Checking into the hospital today

[shakespeare47]

Hey, Achy. I've been there...

[woundedsoul]

Hope you're ok. If you need to talk, I'm here for you. You can always send me a pm if you want. I've got good ears, well eyes actually hahaha, anyway, I know I like to go on and on and on. So, I understand if others need to also. My husband doesn't understand that it helps me feel better to talk about things. He always says that I'm dwelling on the past instead of moving on, that I like to relieve things over and over again. But, I haven't actually dealt with any of these things yet, even though some of them happened when I was a child, and others when I was 19, and so on. I just kept bottling everything up instead of dealing with it. Now I have to start finally. So I'm here for you.

[ifst5]

I hope it works out for you - you deserve the right help for your situation and if going to hospital meets those needs so be it We're here for you, please let us know how you're getting on if you can.

[shezbut]

I hope that everything works out well for you. Sometimes, a hospitalization is what we need to give ourselves some hope for the future, as well as a couple of techniques that work (for us) to get through our very dark times. (((( hugs ))))

[Kimaya]

Be safe

[Verity81]

Hope you get the help you need. Godbless x

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I just got out of the hospital today. There's so much to share but to sum it up quickly, I have more friends than I realized, my H didn't support me one bit and never came to see me. I have asked him to seek therapy or I want a divorce. He has major depression as I do. I can't continue to grow if I am in an unhealthy marriage. I'm still very sad and scared because his answer was, "No." I had two friends pick me up at the hospital and take me home to get some clothes. I am staying with a friend for a while. I don't know what the future holds for me but I have faith that it will be better.

[JadeAmethyst]

Love you AchyTurtle!

[Verity81]

So glad you still have faith for something better x

[woundedsoul]

I'm sorry about your situation, I know it can't be easy to go through this. But continue to do what is best for you we're here to support you no matter what you decide.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I just got out of the hospital today. There's so much to share but to sum it up quickly, I have more friends than I realized, my H didn't support me one bit and never came to see me. I have asked him to seek therapy or I want a divorce. He has major depression as I do. I can't continue to grow if I am in an unhealthy marriage. I'm still very sad and scared because his answer was, "No." I had two friends pick me up at the hospital and take me home to get some clothes. I am staying with a friend for a while. I don't know what the future holds for me but I have faith that it will be better.

Leaving your husband can't be easy.... I'm glad to hear you have some friends that are helping you through this.

[Kimaya]

*hugs*

Welcome back Turtle. I am sorry to hear your husband is not able to be supportive. I agree with you that he needs to seek therapy. Depression can definitely cause someone to be unable to do things like hospital visits (its sad, but I will say I have done this myself with a sick husband, but once I was medicated I was able to find the will to go see him and be supportive), when it is deep. It sounds like he really needs to do something...

As long as you are ok being apart from him I think you are doing the right thing. He needs to get help and become enabled to be a partner to you or he can be on his own! You deserve that, its what marriage is. I hope he changes his mind and tries to get on track.

Keep us updated!
Kim

[Achy Turtle Armor]

A little background and update. I think I posted this earlier but the day before I went IP I was trying SU when my husband walked in on me. I won't describe what I was doing but it would've been obvious to anyone who would have seen me. He made a comment, "What are you doing?" I stopped what I was doing and said, "Nothing." He said, "It doesn't look like nothing." Then walked out of the bedroom. Never mentioned it again or called anyone. I would've called 911 or something. Later that night, in bed, I told him, "I want to die." I didn't mumble or whisper it. He said nothing. The next day after I called my T to tell him that I needed to go to the hospital, I called my H from work and told him what I was going to do. He did nothing but tried his best to stop me. He even suggested, probably sarcastically, that I just come home and we'd both kill ourselves. He told me I was going to make us bankrupt even though I have a job that provides an insurance plan. He wouldn't take me to the hospital so I had to get a friend to take me.

After I got out, a couple friends picked me up and took me home to pack a bag. When I walked in he only said, "Thanks for calling me like you said you would." I had spoke to him in the hospital the day before to tell him that I want a divorce. We argued round and round. I had to get off the phone to go to a group and told him that I would call him again. Later that day I decided that I couldn't handle another call like that. So I didn't call. When I was on my way out of the house with my bag he said, "I'm going to need the car." I said I need it to go to work. He said, "I have a Dr appt on the 5th." I told him that I would make sure that he got to the appt. He said, "I'm going to need groceries!" I told him that there was plenty of food in the house (and there is) but if there was an emergency to let me know. I walked out the door as he yelled, "Fine! Take it!"

It is important to note that he never goes anywhere except to his monthly appt. for his methadone script.

My sister came to town from San Francisco for 3 days to support me. It really meant so much to me. I have some awesome friends that are supporting me right now. So I called the Women's shelter today and have an appointment next week. They will be able to tell me how to proceed with the divorce. Possibly get some financial aid with the legal stuff. I've made my mind up and I am trying to stay strong & keep my resolve. I don't think my H is taking me seriously. I imagine that he is still sitting on the couch stuck in his video games. It's his way of escaping. I think the hardest part of all of of this for me is missing the dogs that are at home with him and just not knowing what he will do next.

You may be wondering why the women's shelter. I have been in an abusive relationship but chose to pretend that this was "normal." I am not one to nit pick so every thing he did didn't seem *that* bad but when I stopped to look at the whole picture I knew it was bad. My answer to it was to kill myself. Clearly the wrong way to deal. I am glad he walked in on me.

I sent him a text today that said, "About your appointment on the 5th. You will need to take a cab. I am keeping $500 in the checking account for your expenses." He replied, "No."

I think I have a long road ahead of me. I'm scared, anxious a lot of the time, and I feel homeless even though people are opening up their homes to me.

One more thing, his siblings are reaching out to help him but he is ignoring them as usual. I am trying not to feel bad for him and take care of his needs like I always did. He feels like a victim and that the world owes him. He is sick. I love him very much but I suppose I have decided to love myself more.

Sorry this was so long but it was probably cathartic to get it all out even if no one reads it. I appreciate everyone's support and hugs. It means a lot. I feel loved and I really need that.

[Verity81]

I hope you continue to get the support you need, emotional abuse is often difficult to spot.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I hope it is okay that I keep updating my situation here.

I went to the women's shelter yesterday and it was so helpful. I am trying to get financial assistance for the lawyer but even if that doesn't pan out I can still use their free services. They have meditation, yoga, art, and other things like that. I felt more sure about my decision for one. I also got a great booklet that reminded me of my rights which I will share some here because everyone needs to remember this.

You have the right:
To be you
To put yourself first
To be safe
To love & be loved
To be treated w/ respect
To privacy
To your own opinions & to express them
To say no
To NOT be responsible for another adult's problems
To grow and change & that includes changing your mind

[shakespeare47]

Please do keep updating this. I like to know that you're doing okay.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

My husband's siblings have been amazing. They are genuinely concerned about me and their brother. I've been keeping in contact with them about the situation. They agree that I need to get away from this marriage. Here's the email I sent his brother.

>>> P, I think I've already said this but your support, along with your wife and your sisters has really meant a lot to me.

Yesterday I made an appointment with a lawyer for Tuesday of next week. I think I told you before that I'm trying to see how much financial support they can offer me. I don't think J has accepted that I really am asking for a divorce. It appears that any contact I have with him will likely result in confrontation. I sent him a couple texts yesterday. The first one I* asked if he made it to his doctor appointment. He said, "No."

I've arranged to have friends drive me around when I need a ride through Monday night so he could have the car for a while. I was hoping he'd have the opportunity to reschedule his appointment.

I sent him another message later yesterday that said, " I would like to leave the car with you Saturday night and pick up Monday night." He replied, " Don't bother. I need it to buy food now, not Saturday night."* So I decided to negotiate which was probably a bad idea.

I texted him this, "Well as I need it for work, it is the best I can do. I could drop it off Friday after work but I will need to make sure that I can get a ride first. I am carpooling Monday so you could make an appointment if necessary." He replied, "No, it's not the best you can do. It's the best you're prepared to do. Just another lie that I'd be able to have it for food and my appointment, wasn't it? But you don't think of it as 'our' car, so why should I have any access to it at all?"

I didn't reply back. That was the last time we communicated. I wish he'd let you be there for him but he is stubborn. He feels inferior to you and your siblings. He is unable to accept a mediocre life and be happy with it. He feels like a failure but refuses to try to improve his situation. If he can't be a doctor or similar then he won't even try with anything else. It's a shame. He is a smart man, but he lacks wisdom.* He knows so much about computer stuff but it's not medicine. He is wasting that talent.

Please let me know if you are able to get through to him.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

So I went into my garage and part of my home this morning. I knew my H would still be sleeping. I would've loved to see the girls (our dogs) but I didn't want to get into any confrontation with him. It felt weird being back home again. The last time I was there was the day I was released from the hospital on July 28th.

I got some stuff that I wanted though. Mainly, a favorite blanket of mine, my colored pencils, and a jacket. I don't think he will even notice. I also looked in the freezer in the garage to see how much food he has and it is still stocked pretty well with meats, breads, rice, & veggies. I would like it if he had milk for himself but I am sure that he doesn't have any left. I think that the girls are probably out of carrots and green peppers which they get as treats, but I noticed that they still have dog food.

Maybe after I see the lawyer on Tuesday I will have a better idea of what my rights are. So for now, this will have to do.

[Astriferous]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I just got out of the hospital today. There's so much to share but to sum it up quickly, I have more friends than I realized, my H didn't support me one bit and never came to see me. I have asked him to seek therapy or I want a divorce. He has major depression as I do. I can't continue to grow if I am in an unhealthy marriage. I'm still very sad and scared because his answer was, "No." I had two friends pick me up at the hospital and take me home to get some clothes. I am staying with a friend for a while. I don't know what the future holds for me but I have faith that it will be better.

I hope it gets better.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Other posts related to this...
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=350401

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=353442

[woundedsoul]

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's very unfortunate that your spouse isn't unable to be as supportive as you need for whatever reason that he has whether it's valid or not. I know that you must be feeling very alone right now. These are thetimes when we need are partners the most. It's a shame that we can't always count on them to be there for us. Possibly he can't come to terms with him own set of demons that he needs to deal with. Some people are afraid to admit that they have any type of "mental health" problems. It's like a dirty work that your not aloud to say. People see it as the worst kind of diseases, almost as if it iscontaiges (sp? ), there is sstill such a stigma attached to mental illness that people keep them hidden, so nobody knows that they have them. Possibly this is what your spouse is dealing with, and why he's having trouble supporting you also. If he supports you, that's one step closer to dealing with his own issues. All you can do is continue to support him the best you can for as long as you can, and take care of yourself. You are your main priority. But if you love your H, you can try to give him time to adjust and gently keep encouraging him to seek treatment, and letting him know that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Good luck with your H, and just follow your heart and do whatever is best for you. And definitely keep coming back here. These people are amazing.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

When I first met my H he was forever telling people he hardly knew that he had depression. He was seeing his GP regularly who was more like a T. He was on medication for depression and anxiety.

I was more ashamed of my depression than he was but I don't know what changed. I don't know why he turned into someone with denial. I'm unsure if it wasn't just stubbornness. I spent the last 2 or 3 years trying to get him to get help. There was only so much I could do. When my life didn't seem worth living in that kind of environment, I knew it was me or him.

It will be difficult for him to deny now as he tried to kill himself 3 weeks ago or so. He was hospitalized but I don't know if they put him back on antidepressants.

I will give him the divorce papers this week if things go to plan. I just hope that he can learn to ask for help, get the help he needs, and get his life back together. :/