[jayjay28]

I posted this previously in the General section, but another member told me I might get more help posting it under a specific disorder......

I'm feeling like I have symptoms of both BPD and bipolar.... But I've never been officially diagnosed with anything.... I would just like some opinions or information from people who actually live with BPD or bipolar... But I've recently been told that it seems like I show more signs of BPD than bipolar. Any information or tips are greatly appreciated, thank you everyone in advance.

Sorry about doing such a long post I'm just so confused right now.
So the other day I was told by my regular doctor that from things that i've told him it seems that i may be bipolar with high anxiety and stress levels..... But i've never known anyone with bipolar or anything else really so i was hoping some of you guys on here who have been diagnosed and living with bipolar or BPD could tell me if what i've been going through sounds anything like anything you guys have dealt with.

First, I get mad very very easily and when i'm mad i'll be upset and i could start crying or I start saying i'm gunna do something crazy like kill myself, even though I really don't want to do that its always something that slips out of my mouth when my mood goes down. If i'm talking to my friend i'll even start telling them that they piss me off or i hate them or i want to hurt them... I even have the urge to hit or punch them when i'm upset. Then afterwards i feel so stupid and annoyed at myself. Sometimes I don't know what i'm feeling, like i'll be a mix between sad and lonely and hating everyone and hating myself and wanting to change my life and then if i start trying to think about how to change my life or fix things that are bad in my life i start feeling like its worthless and give up and feel stupid. I get so mad that i feel like i need to hurt myself or hit something, there's been multiple times that i would sit and just slam my head against walls from being mad, I feel dumb for saying that, but it true... I got mad at my friend one day and lashed out at him, i hated myself afterwards but it was like at the time i wasn't in control of my thoughts. Every time after i say something mean to a friend or when i'm mad about something and overreacting i always know i shouldn't be but its like i cant stop, and then i feel so stupid because there's no reason for me to be so mad but by that time i just stay mad because i feel like i'll seem dumb if i snap out of it and be normal or "happy" again just a few minutes after being overly upset.

I've spent many nights on the phone with a friends bawling my eyes out and just going off about EVERYTHING in my life until they asked me to stop crying. Sometimes these mood swings or whatever they are last for a long time or they come and go multiple times within a short period of time, like i'll be pissed off for like 10 minutes then i'll calm down then one little thing will set me off again. It doesn't really affect my work anymore though its because I've been trying very hard at controlling my anger at work, before i had thrown things across the room and been sent home, i've yelled at co workers and i start shaking i get so mad. though i do still get mad and throw things i haven't done it as much.

I also have very random bad thoughts alot, like i hate it so much, but i could be looking at a stranger and all of a sudden i'll hate them or worse or something like that, i don't know why and i just want it to go away.
I don't really get the "highs" like i don't get overly happy or feel like i can do anything or wanna go do a bunch of stuff and i never get the whole "more creative" moods that I've heard some people talk about that go along with bipolar. I can just go from being okay to scary mad, and by scary i mean i scare myself.

Also, at night I really never sleep, its like my mind forces my body to stay awake, i am normally up until somewhere between 5am and 9am, once i fall asleep i just wanna stay asleep, but to actually go to sleep is difficult for me, its like i constantly think that someone might text me or i think about random things that i "need" to do or look up online. i'm usually always more sad at night and either cry alot or try to plan out things for hours like how im gunna lose weight and how i'm gunna eat really healthy starting the next day though i never follow through . I fall in love with people who show me any affection very easily even my best friend and i get so angry at him for not wanting to be with me and my anger towards him is making everything difficult between us.

I was diagnosed with Epilepsy after having around 6 or 7 seizures and have been sick alot, in my opinion mainly due to stressing about things that i dont need to be. None of the problems i've had, from my seizures to chest pains to elevated heart rate to my white blood cell count going over 27000 to blacking out at work, has ever had any reason to happen that doctors could find, and theyve done many tests. I've worked myself up so much that i've gone into full panic attacks and began hyperventilating. I'm always aching all over my body and i get headaches and my stomach is always messed up. I feel like i'm just hopeless and falling apart, like i'll never be "healthy" or "happy". I go back and forth between wanting to get help because i'm sure i need it to feeling stupid and thinking i'm overreacting about everything and that i'm normal. My friend tells me its like i'm trying to push him away but i really dont want to but i constantly feel like people are gunna leave and i know people have a hard time dealing with me and my mood.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi. Thank you for reaching out.

It sounds like you will need to see a mental health practitioner in order to get a proper diagnosis. I have both bipolar and borderline pd. My diagnosis came from psychiatrists - at separate times.

You might want to check out this link on psych central on bipolar:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/bo...rder-symptoms/

And this one on borderline personality:

http://http://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms/

Be well.