[jeremiahgirl]

I have felt most of my life that I just don't fit in the typical flow of life. I'm not sure how to express this feeling. Even in my family I've felt I'm so different then them, though I look like them and talk like them I'm just not like them as if mentally my mind didn't work as theirs did; I was off, slightly off center. I was wondering if there were others who felt this way or if it's just me. I grew up being the sensitive one, the emotional one who cried over simple and small things. Yet as I matured I learned to "not trust" most people. I couldn't believe their honesty or openness it seemed so foreign and strange to me and at times still does. Has anyone else experienced this? If so how do you cope with it?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Not unfamiliar this, but not a particularly sensitive person more detached, aloof, unfathomable, avoidant if you like. My thoughts run parallel to others and I dip in now and again in a dry, laconic sort of way. I get along well enough I think.

[Rainydaiz]

Exactly me.
My coping mechanism was to build a wall around myself and not to trust people. That was how I coped. The wall has been coming down in therapy. Being vulnerable is very difficult. I love this quote from CS Lewis:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

[jean17]

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

I have felt most of my life that I just don't fit in the typical flow of life. I'm not sure how to express this feeling. Even in my family I've felt I'm so different then them, though I look like them and talk like them I'm just not like them as if mentally my mind didn't work as theirs did; I was off, slightly off center. I was wondering if there were others who felt this way or if it's just me. I grew up being the sensitive one, the emotional one who cried over simple and small things. Yet as I matured I learned to "not trust" most people. I couldn't believe their honesty or openness it seemed so foreign and strange to me and at times still does. Has anyone else experienced this? If so how do you cope with it?

Dearest Jeremiahgirl, sadly it is true. We just don't fit in. Often I will feel worse after being with my family than with other people because not only will I feel like I don't fit in with them, but I feel guilty for feeling that way. Bet you do too.
Why we are so distrustful of people I don't know.
It all makes life so hard. We want so much what our personality and mental health issues just won't allow us to have.
I'm doing DBT and it is helping me a bit. I'm not so good at learning the new skills (You really have to give yourself lots of time to do this) but, I am recognizing a lot of things about myself and that is helpful.
I hope you get a good therapist to help you with all this.

[jeremiahgirl]

Originally Posted by jean17

Dearest Jeremiahgirl, sadly it is true. We just don't fit in. Often I will feel worse after being with my family than with other people because not only will I feel like I don't fit in with them, but I feel guilty for feeling that way. Bet you do too.
Why we are so distrustful of people I don't know.
It all makes life so hard. We want so much what our personality and mental health issues just won't allow us to have.
I'm doing DBT and it is helping me a bit. I'm not so good at learning the new skills (You really have to give yourself lots of time to do this) but, I am recognizing a lot of things about myself and that is helpful.
I hope you get a good therapist to help you with all this.

Dear Jean17, I identify with a lot you've said. I also noticed that yes, at times I like being with my immediate family here (my twin and her family) yet I often feel so very lonely when I get home. Sometimes it feels like a "push and pull" I want to be there then I dont. Grrr it just makes me angry because I don't know why I feel that way. Years a go I was learning DBT Skills when I was in a partial hospital with other clients. Then it was all good and dandy but when I look at the skills now I get "enraged!" I think "why should I learn these skills let those who abused and hurt me learn them!!! Once again, I feel it's a sense of "submission" which for me is "sexual abuse." I get tired of me being the one to change, and other perverts go free hurting others. Yet, I hear my therapist saying "your the only one who can heal you!" (I am a praying person so God helps too! ) but the ball always bounces back to me and I'm just really TIRED OF IT!! At one point I was ready for healing but right now I guess I'm not, God has to help me. I know the value of DBT and just....it's a lot of WORK!
Thanks Jean17

[sairsie-pop]

That sounds about right lol. I've felt like an alien most of my life. I avoid socialising a lot, and deal as best I can in the moment when being around people is unavoidable - sometimes it's actually enjoyable, sometimes it's neutral and sometimes it makes me totally miserable/angry.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

I have felt most of my life that I just don't fit in the typical flow of life. I'm not sure how to express this feeling. Even in my family I've felt I'm so different then them, though I look like them and talk like them I'm just not like them as if mentally my mind didn't work as theirs did; I was off, slightly off center. I was wondering if there were others who felt this way or if it's just me. I grew up being the sensitive one, the emotional one who cried over simple and small things. Yet as I matured I learned to "not trust" most people. I couldn't believe their honesty or openness it seemed so foreign and strange to me and at times still does. Has anyone else experienced this? If so how do you cope with it?

100% YES!

I am working through a number of schemas with my T.

My number 1 schema is that I don't fit in.

(ISNT this one of Maslows basic needs - a sense of belonging? I feel like my basic need is not being met ... )