[Cheskey]

So, on Monday, my psychologist diagnosed me with BPD.

I mean, I shouldn't have been surprised, I knew I had the symptoms of it. I knew how much it was messing me up.

And yet when she said that, my blood just went cold. It was like I'd been slapped in the face or condemned or something. I just feel like a problem now.

You know, I was so so hoping I'd grow out of my mood swings and fears and stuff. I was hoping she'd tell me everyone does reckless things as often as I do, everyone feels stuff as intensely and that it'll go away and I'll be okay and I just need to do ___ and I'll feel better.

Of course that didn't happen. This whole week I've been in college and I feel so separate from everyone. Just isolated, even though I've been more social than ever.

And, c'mon, we can't deny there's a load of stigma around this. I /am/ the horror story. I'm the clingy friend, the unstable ex, the attention seeking sibling, the uncooporative student.

I just feel so lost, and I hate my P for doing this. Even though she said she's just going to put down "suspected BPD" we both know, since she told me, she knows for sure I have it. It's like she threw it at me or chained me down tbh.

And she still has to tell my parents, since they never believe a word I say about my health. She said she'd send an email this week and hasn't because she's been too busy. I got paranoid and set up a filter on my parents' email to forward any emails from her to me, and then asked to be texted once she sent it.

I just. I don't know. I never wanted an official thing. I wanted to believe I was okay and fine and just a teenager. I'm still trying to do the thing where I make myself forget an event.

Ugh.

[cryingontheinside]

Im sorry that your feeling low. It is overwhelming to be diagnosed. Im sure i had it from when i was a teenager and because it was not diagnosed till a couple of years ago i have had to struggle for years without help. For me i wish i had been diagnosed sooner. All though it doesnt seem it, it might actually be a good thing you got diagnosed sooner so you can get the support you need and learn the necessary coping stratergies that i am only just trying to figure out.
I know its alot to get your head around. And remember you are not just your diagnosis, you are still you. I hope you feel better soon.
Take care

[Little Lulu]

You know, you don't have to 'own' any diagnosis. The real you goes way beyond any label anyone can put on you. Labels are limiting. You can have traits you may want to work on but you don't have to be _________ (fill in the blank).

So, maybe the 'diagnosis' doesn't matter as much as what you believe about yourself and the direction you want to move it. It is a great big world out there. Boxes can't hold all that any one person truly is.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

It must have taken a few tell tail signs for your P to come to this suspected diagnosis. But you know what. I don't think she's just going to throw a label at you, without an idea in mind as to how she needs to treat you with the kind of therapy she needs to give you. She may be able to tailor your therapy now to one that best suits you and your needs, which can't be ignored. I think with early intervention you really can start to address these issues, now that you know what they are.

We tend to go through extreme emotions, especially in relationships. We tend to think in black or white with little grey area. You've jumped into black and white thinking by now stating you "hate" your P. We tend to do this sometimes. How about drawing up a list of the pros and cons of the suspected diagnosis?

Are you afraid that the "label" means people may gain a better view of you if they start to educate themselves on your symptoms? Don't put yourself in that box. Don't paint the brush with one colour.

People with bpd can be so different. Out of the 9 diagnostic criteria, one only needs to meet a minimum of 5 of the criteria. So what presents in symptoms in you may not necessarily present as symptoms in someone else. And then you get high functioning people with bpd too! That's a positive and there's no reason why you can't work towards this.

The title sucks. It was originally thought to lie between neurosis and psychosis - hence the term borderline. Mental health advocates want to rename it emotionally unstable.

There is no reason why, with proper treatment, you can't begin to work on your symptoms such as mood swings and fears and "stuff".

Social isolation would be normal given the circumstances. But look at it this way. You're no different today than you were when you were given a suspected diagnosis. And it's not like you're going to go running around at college announcing to everyone hey I'm bpd. This isn't tattooed on your forehead or anything.

Your P has not thrown a chain at you.

She's given you a life line.

Be well and feel free to chat anytime.

[HD7970GHZ]

Hey Cheskey,

I understand where you are coming from and have been there too. I fight sometimes with my diagnosis and sometimes I am content with it. Other times I am almost proud of it and find a sense of identity in it all...

I think you have been given an opportunity to learn and grow - and regardless of diagnosis A, B or C - the entire purpose of diagnosis is to better understand someone within the constructs of the mental health profession - and utilize the years upon years of research, success and failures - in order to give you the best possible treatment regimen.

Do your best to accept the diagnosis - as it is merely an indication of a specific set of issues that come packaged with a specific set of proven treatment options.

It took years for me to get a proper diagnosis. I love Borderline sufferers. They rock!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[ifst5]

I would be skeptical to be honest - BPD is currently flavour of the month so the diagnosis is getting thrown around a fair bit. Have any other teams been involved in deciding this diagnosis? What experience does she have in PD's? How long did she take to diagnose you? Just some questions i'd be asking myself...

Irrespective of what's actually wrong, a diagnosis can mean whatever you want it to mean. You don't have to get treatment if you don't want too. A lot of borderlines are high functioning and manage to lead pretty normal lives - it's not all psych wards and sectioning.

You're at college, you're making a life for yourself - don't let something like this hold you back, very few people have absolutely nothing wrong with them. And BPD IS treatable. So when you think about it, there's a lot of positives. If the diagnosis is correct at least you'll know what's wrong and what to do to get help. There are many who don't even get that far. Good luck.

[comethisfar]

Cheskey, it is tough to deal with a BPD diagnosis! Hats off to you for posting on it right after!
I can only echo a lot of posts here: it is a tough label and can really make you feel bad but in the end it is what you make it. It doesn't define your entire person, it is one perspective of you. Just like you are probably handsome, caring, funny, intelligent and engaging. And when somebody tells you all the good things you are you want to bring out more of that, work on that, show the world you have all that, right? Well, BPD says you are emotionally unstable and sometimes (not always) that has undesired consequences. So that's your chance to work on those! Minimize the consequences! It is not a label if you don't let it define you! And yes, others will define you through it. I do not have BPD but my partner does and others even define me through that label. Sometimes his emotional intensity is unbearable for me abd he doesn't get that, sometimes he thinks he is being out of control but I find his feelings abd reactions perfectly understandable and proportionate and sometimes we are the most harmonious, happy couple in the world.

I am just trying to encourage you to not see the diagnosis as "before" and "after", "black" anf "white". You have a whole range of options how to make this work as a positive for yoiu. Wishing you the best!

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