[ladymuck07]

Hello,
Firstly- really sorry if this is just a moan or a really negative thread. But was searching online for some help and this came up so I thought perhaps someone may understand- but apologies in advance if it bores anyone.

Basically I'm really struggling at the moment, I've had to hand my notice in at work tonight as I'm just not reliable and keep getting into such emotional states that I'm not going into work and keep letting them down. Which then makes me feel terrible about myself, I'm not a lazy person and I loved my job dearly, I worked very very hard to get it and I held a good position there. Well paid and well regarded... but I messed it up actually cannot believe things have gotten so bad I've now messed that up too- I always thought that was my own saving grace in life. As I managed to do it so well!

Also, I have recently completely messed up a relationship with a man I loved immensely. He was a wonderful and kind man, and stuck around for me for years. However my extreme behaviour has finally pushed him away.
The problem is its been three Months now and I just can't accept it. Its really not normal, I'm ashamed to say I will often ring and text him probably 50 times a day. I have made threats and done some really terrible things I am so very ashamed of to him. Some of them are so bad I'm really ashamed to say.
I just don't understand why, as I can be the nicest, kindest person and I would never hurt anyone but sometimes I just completely lose it and will literally do anything to stop me feeling how I do.

He has been to see me a few times and we have cuddled and really had a fantastic time, and I know he has enjoyed it... until he has to leave. Then all hell breaks loose. I spend half my life apologising to him- and I really mean it! And try my hardest to be decent... it lasts a day.... my fear is too that he's coming out of the army in two weeks, so will be moving halfway across the country from me. I just literally can't cope with this as I know he would have moved in with me had I of been a decent person! Regrets an awful thing... along with obsession....

I see the mental health team but they are not doing anything except putting me forward for a group, which I haven't felt ready to go to. My Family and ex partner are desperate for me to get better as they say I am ruining their lives as they never know what I will be like- I feel awful about this. Terribly bad.

Just really don't know where to go from here, or how to stop this ridiculously obsessive behaviour! As the one person I love and need the most.... I am pushing away beyond return. Just feel like a terrible, bad person and not sure if its normal??
Sorry for rant

[healingme4me]

((((LadyMuck07))))

Any chance you don't have to give notice, at work? Or any chance of a leave of absence?

Group therapy has been positive for many.

Sorry about your job, boyfriend and family.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi lady, thank you for posting your story and just know that you really don't need to apologise for your situation that you're in right now and your feelings.

You've come to the right place.

We're here to support you.
Li understand about your work situation. I haven't been working since September but I don't want to rant about it because I'm here to be an ear to listen to you. I found work extremely challenging and have set myself the goal of re-entering the work force in January.
Relationships can be extremely challenging. That's why there is such a push for the name change from bpd to emotionally unstable. The amount of times I have read about "flood texting" on this forum is quite high - just know that you are not alone in this and hopefully a member will be able to offer input.

I go through phases where I tend to "attract" people and no sooner than I've reeled them in I've spat them out again. This is a hot topic that I'm working through my T with. Fear of abandonment is horrible!

Anyway, welcome to psych central.

We're glad you're here.

[ladymuck07]

Thanks for your replies, I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling too hooligan. I hope that come January, you feel more ready to face the world of work again. It really is tough to balance sometimes when other things are going on.

I am now trying to do the impossible (as ridiculous as that sounds) and give my ex partner some space, as I really have pushed him so far now. He's such a kind and loving person, and this weekend I believe I pushed him so far that he ended up smashing up his room in frustration. It was most unlike him, and I now fear for his own sanity. I would like to take away everything I have done as despite my ridiculous ways of showing it- I care very deeply about his happiness and wellbeing, but sadly its not that simple.

[cryingontheinside]

[cryingontheinside]

You are going through so much. It sounds like a very difficult time. I dont feel good either today but i think it might just be i am in the middle of a giant mood swing and for no reason.
I am so glad you posted and thank you for sharing with us. I know you will ger lots of love and suppoet here. Keep posting as much as you need to.
I dont think three months is along time to get over a longterm relationship.
All the texting sounds like standard bpd. I think many of us in this forum have been there and warn the tshirt.
Feel free to send me a private messege if you want. I will reply aa soon as i get out of this crazy mood swing and start making some sense.
(((Group hug)))

[cryingontheinside]

Excuse bad spelling, i type too fast

[marmaduke]

I don't know too much about bpd though an ex parnter of mine was bpd. I know how it is. He was not a bad person but in the end I couldn't cope with his extremes of mood.
His doctor did prescribe meds to help but he only pretended to take them..

I might be completely wrong here but I read an article that said anti psychotics can help, they control the extreme mood swings.
I do wonder if, maybe he had accepted help we might still be together.

Is there anyway you could just have extended leave from your job, till you feel better?

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by marmaduke

I don't know too much about bpd though an ex parnter of mine was bpd. I know how it is. He was not a bad person but in the end I couldn't cope with his extremes of mood.
His doctor did prescribe meds to help but he only pretended to take them..

I might be completely wrong here but I read an article that said anti psychotics can help, they control the extreme mood swings.
I do wonder if, maybe he had accepted help we might still be together.

Is there anyway you could just have extended leave from your job, till you feel better?

Bpd causes complexities in personal relationships and this can be a very real concern for those of us with the diagnosis.

Not taking prescribed meds is not as uncommon as you may think but it's certainly not something I'd condone unless the prescribing dr knows about it.

There's no real frontline prescribed medication for bpd but certainly yes some medication can assist with bpd symptoms according to what the nature of the symptoms are.

Maintaining employment can be a challenge for us too.

Maintaining any relationships - friends , employers , lovers ... We struggle. We have no bounds it seems. Like no filter I have the text obsession. It's driving my bf away too. I am med free and wish I could get something to help this mad **** xxx

[Trippin2.0]

Don't beat yourself up, life does enough of that shyt, so please stop joining in.

I used to flood text too, yes, its realllly common!

How I stopped? Well firstly I acquired a flood text buddy, I would flood his phone instead of my bf's and then he'd talk me through all the vitriol I was spewing and the fear that birthed it.

From there, I forced myself to switch off my phone and flood text my journal instead... Took me about a YEAR for it to become ALMOST second nature, but it definitely has become easier to choose how to react now.

What initially helped was that he knew I was trying, even the times I failed, and voiced his appreciation and pride in my efforts.

From there on, I took a more active cognitive role and deliberately reminded myself how the flood texting never brought me any positive results, and made a point to reward my good behaviors... Yes I basically trained myself the same way I would a puppy!


Also the perks to journal flooding, is that it allows me to sleep on anything I feel I need to say, and gives me time to edit it too...

There's just way too many things I wish I've never said over the years.

Anyway, I know I probably make it sound easy peazy, but it really wasn't, it took alot of practice and alot of painful determination (it literally hurt at first) to even pull off, nevermind get used to.

Fear drives us, so I've been using that fear to learn how to alter my behaviors instead of allow it to worsen it and chase my bf away again.

It's a pretty shytti thing to experience losing a loved one, but in the end, knowing what I went through when we broke up, motivates me to not sink our ship again. I never want to experience losing him again. So it kinda worked out for me that he chose to walk away and save himself at one point.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble, just wanted you to know we understand, and share some tricks from a recovering flood texter.


Take care

[ifst5]

There are several things you can do.

Firstly, get under a decent psychiatrist in that team. Write to the head of the CMHT at their local head office to request such a change if PALS can't help you.

Secondly, inquire about second generation anti psychotics and mood stabilizers. There are no DIAGNOSTIC meds for BPD but there IS medication to help with the symptoms. Meds actually play a very important part in the treatment plan but because most people don't know this and aren't told it can lead to a lot of unnecessary suffering.

If you don't want to go on meds that's fine, there is behavioural therapy you can try. BPD is considered the gold standard but there is also (harder to access) treatments like MBT, schema, one to one psychotherapy etc.

If you can't get DBT at least request an assessment for one to one psychotherapy, the waiting lists are long but this would probably be more beneficial for you than group work - BPD requires intensive treatment and even the best groups only serve to underpin work done on a one to one basis. I don't know what kind of group work they're offering you but if it's psychodynamic i would normally advise against it - it's way too casual and won't even scratch the surface. But if you've absolutely nothing else it might be worth going too just so that you're in the system and have people looking out for you.

If you want more advice please message me anytime, i also have a social group for people trying to navigate the UK mental health system. Please feel free to join, it's called Rue Britannia.

All the best.