What if I don't exist?

What if I'm just a person in somebody else's dream or script? What if all I feel and do is meaningless? Is my fate already written down? I'm scared of that. I'm scared of being destined to fail.
Also, I'm sick of being sick. I was locked in a closed ward for 5 days and I think that killed my last sane braincells. Even my mom noticed how I'm more distant now. Colder. I took some benzo yesterday and allowed myself to dream while being awake. I wanna feel like that all the time. Damn. Now I'm empty again. I can't even fake a smile. I don't trust anyone anymore. Let alone myself. I'm so used to being sent away. Locked up. I get it though. I've had so many suicide attempts... if you should call them that. Times when I put myself in serious danger not caring if I lived or died hoping someone would save me and care for me is more accurate. They're scared. They're all scared of me. I am too.
I just needed to clear my head.

I'm sorry that you are going through these struggles.

People care about you and they want you to be well.

You're not a person in someone else's dream. What you experience and feel is very real. And everything has a meaning.

You create your own destiny. You have to grab it with two hands and lead it to the path you want it to lead it to. Your fate is not written down. Nobodys is. You're not destined to fail, either. Yeah, we all make mistakes. Yeah, we all fail at times. That's because no one was born perfect.

I hate the "empty" feeling. I get that sometimes too. But we can work through this.

People are scared because they care about you - and we do too.

It's not easy.

But it's not impossible.

Hang in there.