[theartofmelancholy]

First, I want to say that I am new to the forums and don't know what could be considered triggering as far as BPD goes, so I've decided to block all of my post to avoid potentially upsetting/hurting someone.

Possible trigger:

I've been receiving treatment for a smorgasbord of things since age 9, but over the years I've developed other unhealthy habits and have noticed a lot happening that I can't explain. I've been on so many antidepressants that I probably couldn't name them all. After no luck, I was pretty sure there was something more going on with me.

A nurse practitioner put me on an anti-psychotic, which did nothing. Then I was put on a mood stabilizer, which also did nothing. I convinced myself that there was a chance I was Bipolar because others said they thought I could be, but after being on another mood stabilizer, doing research, and taking various personality tests online, I think the real reason I've not benefited from any of these medications is because I have BPD or something similar.

I spoke to a nurse practitioner on Friday and she referred to a clinic so I can get a proper diagnosis, as she couldn't confidently say I was Bipolar. I feel like none of the psychiatrists I speak to know what they're doing. I had to bring up possibly being bipolar, but now that I think I could have BPD, if I bring it up, will they just assume I am again? I was hoping for some advice as far as knowing if I am from someone who had an inkling that they had BPD and an idea of what they were/are experiencing/feeling. I know it's different for everyone depending on other illnesses, different environments, etc.

I've read about disassociation and I don't know exactly how it works, but sometimes I feel like everything is surreal. I've had conversations with people and felt as if it were a sitcom I was viewing from an audience, if that makes sense. I knew I was in my body, but it just felt weird. This, of course, isn't a great indicator of someone having BPD, but I have a lot of crazy things going on inside of me and they've led me to this forum...

Again, I know that nobody here can diagnose me, and that's not what I'm asking of anybody. I just want some insight. I'm afraid there's nothing that will help me anymore. I hate the stigma attached to mental illness. It's embarrassing and I hate feeling like I'm in a fish bowl every time I am in a doctor's office.

[kaliope]

have you checked the dsm v for the criteria for borderline. i cant offer much advice besides that but i wanted to answer your post since i see it took a while for it to get approved. things will be much faster after you post five times. you will have access to the wisdom of many borderlines. i will even send this post on over to another liaison who may be able to offer you some wisdom.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi theartofmelancholy,

Thank you for posting here.

I would like to offer some input.

I see that you are in contact with your doctor.

Perhaps your doctor can give you a referral to a medical specialist in order for further screening.

Don't worry too much about stigma.

You don't need to tell anyone in real life about your diagnosis (if confirmed) if you choose not to.

It is your business.

I'd advocate for screening.

Simply because there is very special therapy that can assist with your symptoms.

But they need to know what they are looking for first.

In order to start tackling some of these issues.

You can be helped.

Everybody can be helped.

The first step towards change is acknowledging a problem exists.

I don't think it is too wise to keep going forward thinking about all of these things and running around in circles when you can be helped.

Please see if you can go for screening.

It can turn out to be a very positive step forward for you.

Best wishes to you moving forward.

Take care of yourself and please keep us up to date.

We are here to listen.