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Old Mar 02, 2015, 05:02 PM
facingdemons facingdemons is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 55
I haven't been on here in about a year.

I'm diagnosed with BPD and BP2. I've been doing really well, which is why I wasn't here I guess. But the past week has been a steady decline.

I'm not on meds or in therapy, as I lost my insurance a while back. I was previously on antidepressants, and in DBT one on one and group.

Today I feel like everything is wrong. The worst part is that I'm aware of my thoughts, I know the fancy names for "idealization and devaluation", I know that I'm depressed, but I likely will be on top of the world before long. My moods are out of control. I cry at the drop of a hat. I love my fiance, and hate him within minutes. It's all my fault, and I'm completely innocent at the same time. I'm angry. I'm sad. I feel like everyone at work is talking about me. That everyone is lying to me. I'm terrified that my fiance is going to leave him, yet I know I'm pushing him.

And I know this is part of my disease. But I hate it all the same. Knowing why doesn't make it hurt less.

I don't have a question really. I just don't know where else to go.
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FacingDemons

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
I know, right now, you can't tell,
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me."
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  #2  
Old Mar 02, 2015, 05:58 PM
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moodycow moodycow is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: la la land uk
Posts: 674
welcome back,sorry that you are having to go through this (((hugs)))
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The world is not blind
it does not want to see !!!
dx severe Depression
Gad
Social phobic
Borderline pd
part time insomniac |!
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  #3  
Old Mar 02, 2015, 06:49 PM
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ThunderGoddess ThunderGoddess is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: The beach.
Posts: 591
I feel where you are coming from I used to be on meds until the state took my insurance away it's hard to go through that change it is definitely a gradual decline but you came back to a good place I find this forum helps just be feel understood which in the midst of all the craziness can be quite a relief. I have the same diagnosis as you if you ever want to talk or vent feel free to message me
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  #4  
Old Mar 03, 2015, 07:41 PM
Espresso Espresso is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 1,432
Quote:
Originally Posted by facingdemons View Post
Today I feel like everything is wrong. The worst part is that I'm aware of my thoughts, I know the fancy names for "idealization and devaluation", I know that I'm depressed, but I likely will be on top of the world before long. My moods are out of control. I cry at the drop of a hat. I love my fiance, and hate him within minutes. It's all my fault, and I'm completely innocent at the same time. I'm angry. I'm sad. I feel like everyone at work is talking about me. That everyone is lying to me. I'm terrified that my fiance is going to leave him, yet I know I'm pushing him.
I feel the same way right now. I'm sorry that I don't have anything better than that to say to you.
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  #5  
Old Mar 04, 2015, 04:23 AM
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Crazy Hitch Crazy Hitch is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 29,410
Hi facingdemons,

I am glad you are back, although I am sorry for the circumstances under which you return.

Look after yourself and keep us up to date please.

Take care.
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