[jean17]

It would be so nice to have someone special in my life. Someone who really cared about me. Mostly I just want to disappear.

Originally Posted by jean17

It would be so nice to have someone special in my life. Someone who really cared about me. Mostly I just want to disappear.

I wish there was something I could say to help with this - I feel the same way and I haven't been able to say something encouraging for myself either.

The thing that caught me in your post was how you want to disappear. I felt I've been invisible all my life - sometimes I even feel invisible here at PC. I want to have someone special in my life too - I want to feel in love again, but I don't want to be invisible anymore. I was thinking, just now, what's holding me back? I think it's because I'm still working all my BPD stuff out and I'm just not ready.
Well, I don't know that it'll help, but know that you're not alone with these feelings.

I understand this very much. Especially lately. I'm working incredibly hard on not wanting to disappear. I haven't been terribly successful at making/maintaining the lasting and/or fulfilling relationships and connections I want in my life. So I've decided that I will throw myself into my schoolwork, maybe even eventually getting into grad school. I know money doesn't buy happiness. I know this. But it buys more freedom to do things I can't do now: travel, experience more, certain security. If I can't have the family I want, maybe I can travel and see other cultures. Maybe I can give to other people who need it. It won't completely fill that void but...it's something I truly enjoy. And I won't disappear.

I guess I'm rambling. But no, you're not alone.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I want to disappear a lot of the time...yet I wish I had someone special.