[phizzler]

So I was diagnosed at the age of 18 with borderline......every single symptom is me. However.....I am overly sweet and nice. If I feel anything, I hold it inside.....no one knows me (sees my mood swings or is the victim of them) unless your close to me and I feel comfort in our relationship and know you wont leave me.

I have a clowns face that I have perfected and Im just wondering if anyone else is like me?

Sometimes I fake so much cheerfulness that I actually believe that is how I am.

Gotta love crazy, lol.

[kiwipie]

I know exactly what you mean. I have not yet been diagnosed but most of the symptoms describe me, and yet, I am one of the "nicest people" that everyone knows. People assume that I am extremely innocent and loving and always come to me with their problems (which I pretend to feel bad for but most of the time I just want to tell them to suck it up because I can go about my day with unbearable moods and not say a thing). I'm the funny cute one with the "clown face" like you say. However, I find that I take comfort in my internalization. I'm too prideful to share my feelings and I don't trust anyone with them..whenever I feel that I have over shared I get these dirty feelings as if I have given a part of myself over to someone.
Anyway, hang in there. It was really nice for me to see this coming from someone else because I often feel that these days I am the only one who isn't constantly complaining about their "stress".

[phizzler]

AWesome......its so nice to know that im not the only one!!!! You put it into much better words then I did though. lol. Im working at a call center right now and wasnt able to put much thought into my words.

I often questioned my diagnosis.,....when I think of everything I know of borderline diagnosis I get the picture of a mean complicated hard to ddeal with person.....not a chipper sweet person such as ourselves.

[celtic.starlite]

Only my family has really seen my mood swings. Some of my close friends (both online and in person) have been able to pick up on my mood changes because they have learned to see the small differences.... But to most people I am a happy go lucky person but really I'm not... Its just a mask. Somebody once told me I am considered a "Quiet Borderline" but I haven't talked to T yet to find out if that is true.

[phizzler]

Hmmm....I have never heard that term celtic.starlite. But I like it, for sure. It makes complete sense.

[tentoedsloth]

Yes. I feel like a fake sometimes.

Not sure if I have borderline, or bipolar--I've been diagnosed with both, at different times. But I'm something! Bipersonpolinearity?

[phizzler]

ID take the test on here.....actually really helps. I have been diagnosed with both. But at the time i was over medicated and a pretty crazy 18 year old. I know the bipolar does not fit me at all. And the test definetley reaffirmed that. lol. Borderlines are moment to moment where bipolar is days or weeks atleast. :-) Im defintley moment to moment. And can never make plans becuz I dont know how I will feel at that time. I am spur of the moment. I found its easier this way. So hard for doctors appointments to keep.....and hair appointments are always walk in. Work...is definltey forced, but i have two kids to support and I dont get assistance with anything. So......I gotta go. When im off my meds though I dont even care get to work. So meds are vital.

[Starling.]

I can kind of relate in that I do not generally come across as 'mean complicated and hard to deal with'. But I don't think I really internalize things either. Generally I am 'nice' in my interactions with people because I genuinely feel that way. But I do relate to not identifying with the stereotypical idea of what it is to be 'borderline'.

Yes i am the same i am super nice to everyone and it is only really my family that sees my mood swings. I think it is mostly because i am so scared that if anyone saw me like that they would NEVER speak to me again and would leave me i also feel like if i am nice people would be less likely to leave but i am not really that nice i just act nice cause i am desperate. I also internalise things A LOT and i am always punishing myself.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Does anybody not have mood swings at all? I have a lot of BPD tendencies, but I don't lose my temper with anyone, ever.

[Starling.]

^ I very rarely lose my temper. Like, definitely no more than your average person without BPD, and probably less. I don't think mood swings have to involve anger though. I swing from low to high, it just doesn't affect how I feel about people.

[phizzler]

YEs.....I get mood swings bad when im not on my meds. My meds really help level me out. I havent lost it in quite awhile. But yes....it takes quite a lot these days to get me to lose my temper.