[NyxAngel]

Hey All,
I’m new here, I’ve already posted an introduction in the New Members section, but wanted to take a minute to say hello here, specifically. I’ve not been diagnosed with BPD yet, but I expect to on Thursday. On the one hand, the delusional side of me hopes that’s what I’m diagnosed with, as if by somehow naming what’s wrong with me could make headway to fixing it. The cynical side of me doesn’t give a crap what it’s called, that side assumes nothing will help. (And, no, I don’t think I’m Dissociative, just a bunch of contradictory extremes all mashed together.)

I have had multiple diagnoses in the past, and they all fit in their own ways. Major Depressive Disorder, yes, I am most likely to be depressed; Major Anxiety Disorder, yes, I’m prone to panic attacks; and Bi Polar disorder, yes, I switch from one extreme to the other, usually, however, I don’t top out the manic scale and there is no cycle, I can be “fine” one minute and one wrong sentence later can be nearly in a rage. In the last few years, I have begun to over-react to EVERYTHING, something as simple as a co-worker answering the phone incorrectly sets me off to screaming and cussing, a simple typo makes me want to throw things, and something as stupid as my mother buying the wrong brand of something can send me into tears. Even as I’m over-reacting I can tell that I’m doing it, but cannot seem to make myself stop. I feel like that spoiled teenager that got the wrong colored car for her birthday and flipped out about it. I hate being this way, I HATE myself. I fear that even my family, who are all used to dealing with mental illnesses, is starting to hate me, and I can’t even blame them for it.

At the moment, I’m just here. I’m not exactly numb, but not really feeling a whole lot, either. Writing this post has taken over an hour, because I can’t simply sit down and write anymore. I write a bit, get up and move around, come back and delete things, move around some more, etc... There is more, of course, but this post is getting a bit long, so I’m stopping.
I know you aren’t doctors and can’t diagnose me, I just wanted to see if any of you feel similarly, if the description fits what you personally know about BPD.

[kaliope]

what you describe does fit some of the symptoms of bpd, but bpd is way overdiagnosed and often misdiagnosed when it is actually bipolar or ptsd as they share common symptoms. i hope your dr is careful in evaluating you.

[NyxAngel]

My new doctor thinks I'm Bipolar, so that's where we're starting, he seems to really listen when I speak, though, so for the first time in a long time I feel like there might be some hope in getting things under control no matter what he calls it! Thanks for the info, I guess I'll head on over to the Bipolar thread.