I keep having strong urges to hurt both myself and other people and i am having trouble controling myself. I just dont feel good. And i cant sit still and my mind is racing and there is too much noise and i keep having panic attacks and i dont feel incontrol and ugh i cant even explain it.

[dancinglady]

Maybe going to ER might be the best.

But then everyone would be mad at me and i would fail school and the hospital scares me.

I agree 100% with dancinglady. However, if that is absolutely not an option and you feel like venting your feelings would help you, then that is okay... as long as that doesn't include talking about hurting yourself or others, please.

I really don't think it is an option I just don't want to end up doing something stupid. Don't worry I won't talk specifics. I am just finding it hard because I am having these urges and also cycling between anxious, depressed, angry, agitated, bored, excited,lonely and a whole bunch of other emotions and then also my mind is racing and my OCD is doing whatever it feels like and then I also keep getting paranoid and everything keeps changing every hour and I am exhausted but I can't sit still I can't concentrate at school and everything is just all over the place. I keep disassociating too and I keep getting annoyed at people and ugh my head won't stop.

I am still feeling bad today. I tried telling my mum about how i had been feeling and she just said she was tired and changed the subject. Ugh everyone hates me even on here i think for one minute maybe someone cares and then nope i was wrong again no one gives a **** about me. I dont even know why i bother.

[Kimaya]

If its an option I recommend telling someone and raging/crying it out. If thats not an option...

Go get two pieces of ice and hold one each tightly in both hands for as long as you can and count. Keep a record. Do this for as long as you can tolerate it. Then some mindful breathing until you lose focus. Repeat.

The other alternatives are:
- Sleep it off and hope for a better tomorrow
- Atypical antipsychotic with fast acting zombie powers

Also if you are serious about controlling your self harm urges, make sure convenient tools are hard to get. Make it annoying. Defeats us every time.

Gl!

I have been trying to sleep it off for weeks i just keep cycling and it is just getting more intense and i am so tired. I cant talk to anyone i dont have anyone who would care enough and to make matters worse i just had a fight with someone. ugh i hate this and myself and ugh.

[Kimaya]

Ah fighting with someone is no good... That's going to be tough to calm down.

I'm bad with advice on feeling better - i prolly would have taken the easy route...

Watch funny cat videos, make yourself walk to a park and swing.

Ugh everything is going wrong today not only did i have a fight with someone now my friends are fighting with this other girl who is being really rude and i am super stressed and the person i am fighting with is acting like nothing happened and that is making me even more mad at them and ugh i am too tired for this.

[Sinking Feeling]

Well getting urges or intrusive thoughts about hurting yourself and or others was reason enough to go to ER. I'd spend have my life there lol.

If it does get to a point where it's interfering with your sleep or school or work or social life, I would discuss it with your therapist and or pdoc.

I am naturally wound up so I need to take sedatives just to feel normal. If one of my friends or family members took what I take throughout the day they would feel verrry sedated. But for me it just makes me feel normal.

[Chuva]

Hi Eden, write in here if it makes you feel better. Or try the thing with the ice cubes, I've never tried it myself but it's been suggested to me by a good friend with BPD so I guess it works.
As for me, I have very strong urges to hurt myself (not others) from time to time. I have luckily become very good at controlling them, but when it got too bad my pdoc decided to raise the Abilify dosage and I can tell you it worked. Why not try talking to him/her about it? Are you already taking meds?

It is completely interfering with everything I can't sleep or do any school work and I keep getting annoyed at everyone. I have tried the ice cube thing and rubber bands but they actually make me want to hurt myself more. Ugh I am so exhausted I haven't slept in months like I have been getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night for 7 months now I can't eat properly ugh I want to scream and ugh I have talked to my psychologist and psychiatrist. I am not taking medications right now because my OCD won't let me.

[Gavinandnikki]

You need medications, OCD, or not.

[Kimaya]

Originally Posted by eden1515

It is completely interfering with everything I can't sleep or do any school work and I keep getting annoyed at everyone. I have tried the ice cube thing and rubber bands but they actually make me want to hurt myself more. Ugh I am so exhausted I haven't slept in months like I have been getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night for 7 months now I can't eat properly ugh I want to scream and ugh I have talked to my psychologist and psychiatrist. I am not taking medications right now because my OCD won't let me.

Make a list of the things you'd need to do to take your medication. Come back with it.

For me my meds must be in my planner. Usually asking my husband to do it for me will work. Who are the people who will be mad if you don't go to school? They could get involved.

:Trigger warning:
And yeah the ice thing sucks... But it distracts me from everything because it hurts so bad. If ice doesn't work for me... Weellll... Personally I don't understand why its so wrong to self harm if its done carefully.... I can't really imagine doing it non carefully though. Maybe that's why.

I can't take the medication if I could I would have done it by now but I can't it is complicated to explain though. As for who would get mad is my family mostly and when ever they get involved they tend to make things worse

[dancinglady]

I am so sorry you are going through this tough time. Just want to share my knowledge with you. I do not want to scare you but this is what I have seen happen before since I worked in an ER for years. You do not need to read any further if you do not want to.

Just an old timers wisdom here. When patients do not take their meds they will force you in the hospital by an involuntary order if you become a danger to yourself or others. They will get the meds in you because they will inject them into your body with needles. They have a way of getting this accomplished. No scare tactics just the truth.

they almost forced me once to take the meds at the hospital but didnt at the last minute due to a new law in my state also i just kept super quiet and i literally didnt speak so i think they couldnt have forced me under those circumstances. But i am still scared they would do that which i partly why i wont go there.

[Kimaya]

Hmm

You are out of options... No DBT, no meds, no support at home... No sleep and no food you need to admit yourself and get back on a healthy schedule. If you can't regulate yourself then you have to do the responsible thing... Even if you are not self harming what you are doing is still hurting you. You know this.

I am self harming daily I cant seem to stop doing that either. And there is nothing i can do anyway there is no hospital available for my age plus i wouldnt be able to talk to them (hospital ER they only have one where i live and it isnt for psych stuff) there anyway and they would just get mad at me maybe if i just disappeared quietly no one would notice.

[Sinking Feeling]

After reading your additional replies. ED is starting to sound like your best option. You will get the rest and care you need there. You have indeed no other option left.

But they hate me there and i am scared they will try and hurt me and everyone hates me and i ugh i dont feel good and my head hurts ans i cant go cause my parents would be super mad at me and then they would yell at me well mostly my dad would like he did last time.

[Gavinandnikki]

You constantly say you cant do something. Yes you can. You are choosing not to take steps to get the help you so desperately need.

I am so sorry that you won't help yourself. You sound like a really nice person.

I am not I literally can't I have tried but I can't force my body to do certain things I don't think you understand because if I could have done it I would have ****ing done it by now I am so sick of people saying it is a choice you are just being stubborn but I am not being stubborn [trigger] the last time I was in the hospital after I had been standing on the road trying to get a car to hit me and someone called the police they sent me home because I was too old for the adolescent ward and too young for the adult ward I was still very suicidal and did try again after that but told no one[\trigger] so no there is no where for me to go no one wants me and no one cares I have tried all the coping methods people are suggesting but they don't ****ing work either I HAVE TRIED and I am so freaking sick of people saying I haven't.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by eden1515

I am not I literally can't I have tried but I can't force my body to do certain things I don't think you understand because if I could have done it I would have ****ing done it by now I am so sick of people saying it is a choice you are just being stubborn but I am not being stubborn [trigger] the last time I was in the hospital after I had been standing on the road trying to get a car to hit me and someone called the police they sent me home because I was too old for the adolescent ward and too young for the adult ward I was still very suicidal and did try again after that but told no one[\trigger] so no there is no where for me to go no one wants me and no one cares I have tried all the coping methods people are suggesting but they don't ****ing work either I HAVE TRIED and I am so freaking sick of people saying I haven't.

If you can stand in the road you can go to the hospital. So what if your father yells? It doesn't matter. What matters is you getting help.