[jcl76]

As i sit here pondering the last 3 months of my life, I realized the struggle is very much real and more than ever. I think about how there is no way to describe my mind and the thoughts that come and go in my mind on a daily basis. I would honestly give a leg to rid myself of this disorder.

I have been fixated on a past relationship for 3 months now.Literally every day, when I wake up, all day, and when I go to sleep. Wake up in the middle of the night and think about it. Couple that with me being on the road all alone myself in a hotel for 5 more weeks. Its becoming way to much to handle, although I have tried to stay busy, picked up guitar lessons, driving range, concerts, you name it, I am trying it......all a while its hard to focus for being still so fixated on the girl I lost.

I have read books such as "Love me dont leave me". About how our younger years follow us to cause ud to predict the present and future based on our pains from years ago (my case over 30 years ago).

When I knew that what I have shouldnt in my case be shared with others that cant understand it, came from her. She was a autistic/asbergers behavioral specialist for a private school, and her son is to young to be diagnosed with BPD, but I know he is classic example. ALL of this, and she doesnt understand. The hardest part is givin all of that I am still misunderstood and parted ways because of my disorder.

All in all.......is becomes apparent every day that the struggle is very real........

[LittleEarthquakes]

I think staying busy is a good idea. The pain from your past relationship will fade but it may take a while. Keep involving yourself in other things; no contact with this person is the best way to go.

[Crazy Hitch]

jcl, you are quite right ... there are times when the struggle does feel very real and it feels like it won't end

My wish for you is that you will start to see this struggle dissapate soon, and that you may, amidst the emotional turmoil, begin to feel some sense of stabiity within yourself.