Gender Dysphoria

IzzyMarie · Jul 27, 2015 at 10:32 PM

Does anyone else who has been diagnosed with BPD experience or has experienced GD? When I was a child I remember seeing girls who were happy and wished I were them. I would constantly pray that I would wake up as a girl (in another family). I'm not sure if I'm transgender or if my GD comes from my lack of identity. I never had the urge to dress as a woman or wear makeup, etc. I used to look in the mirror and I was so sad to see a man. I have gone through HRT (hormone replacement therapy) some years ago.and live my life as a woman now and I feel better about my gender, but I still lack an identity. I constantly question if I'm truly transgender or just lost. I do enjoy living as a woman and I would never go back, despite any hardships I might face due to my decision.

Chuva · Jul 28, 2015 at 03:04 AM

Hi IzzyMarie,

I think the most important thing is that you enjoy living as a woman. Other than that, I don't think you should worry about being truly transgender or just lacking in identity.

However, since you asked for our experiences I will tell you mine. As a teenager, soon after the BPD symptoms started, I constantly thought I would have preferred to be a man. I went so far as to tell my friends to call me with a male name, which I think they took as a joke or something. It wasn't. I really wanted to be a male. But for me I believe it definitely was lack of identity, plus the beginning of a big struggle with my femininity due to sexual abuse in my teens.

IzzyMarie · Jul 28, 2015 at 04:45 PM

Thank you for your reply. I know that it can be hard for others to talk about their gender identity. I started dealing with gender dysphoria as a teenager and also dealt with sexual abuse for a long time. I can't tell if I'm escaping the abuse because I hated being a boy or if I hated being the boy who was abused. It's not as bad now, but I still am ashamed of my body. I feel a bit better about being around people since my transition. I'm not ashamed to be who I am. I find the fact that I can view life from both sides of the coin enlightening. So I guess I should just leave well enough alone.

CopperStar · Jul 29, 2015 at 08:28 AM

I think it can be difficult to have clarity until you are stable, whether that comes about through therapy, medication or both. Once a person is stable, then they can look at what remains and know that it's truly them. But prior to that, I think it can be hard to tell sometimes. I also think culture can make things even more confusing when it comes gender identity. I used to wonder if I had something about me that made me identify with male gender, because so much of what felt natural to me was deemed by culture to be man-things. For example, I feel most comfortable not removing my body hair. I wasn't identifying as a man, but my culture insisted that unshaved legs was a man-only thing.

If you reach a point of stability, and strip away cultural 'rules', and look at what remains and what is true for you, then you can know with absolute certainty what is you.

IzzyMarie · Jul 29, 2015 at 10:54 AM

I do agree that finding stability will help you find who you are. I always over analyze everything and I'm always on the extreme end of the spectrum. If I don't feel this way then I'm NOT "this" or if I feel this way then I AM "this". I think if there is really a middle ground then stability will help me see that. Society is changing rapidly and the lines that once were for "men/women only" are starting to blur.

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