How do you cope with imagined abandonment?

I recently started dating a person that matters the world to me and who accepts me above and beyond for the emotional wreck that I am. Problem is we live an ocean apart and I have to survive a stressful three months writing my bachelor's before I can come back to see him. In that amount of time my wish is to not have ruined and wrecked everything that matters so much to me, and I am desperate for some advice. I often feel like there's an endless pit inside me where I throw every reassurance in I'm ever given by him, while I never feel fully secure and relaxed. The worst is my tendency to turn dramatic over imagined threats and rejections or ruminating over old, minuscule issues we've already dealt with. It just seems impossible to relax, and I just seem to constantly await imminent doom as if I'm sure it's coming. Basically, I'm self-sabotaging due to the fear and I want to stop. How in the world is it possible to actually succeed in a relationship as a BPD? And even during a ton of stress where my emotions even go ever wilder? How do you keep yourself grounded and rational? What do you do to keep your partner from going insane always having to repeat and reassure you? Please, if anyone's found some magical solution, do share.

Well I doubt there's a magical solution, but there are exercises we can do to form better habits and healthier thinking patterns.


We are not hopeless cases.


Takes a shyt load of self restraint, practice and perseverance though.


But at least nobody pretends BPD is easy on anyone.


I had 2 exercises I employed while struggling with this particular problem myself.


Firstly I have a BF *****out book.

Basically its a journal I lash out at bf in...


I write my heart out and rewrite my heart out, with every attempt the writing becomes more grounded, more rational, the vitriol dissipates and eventually diplomacy settles in... Because at the time I'm thoroughly convinced we need to have a serious discussion.


I usually give myself a week max for huge issues.


If after the week has passed and what was written in the journal had rational validity, I know its something worth discussing.


On the other hand, if I'm over it in like 24 hours, I know it was one of my famous tantrums.


Secondly, I have an evidence box.

It's stocked full of mementos I keep as evidence that he really cares about me and has not given any indication that he's about to make a run for it.


Emails, cards, rose petals, pictures etc... Stuff I can look through on my own and find the reassurance I seek without exhausting him in the process.


The journal started out as a way to not impulsively tear him to shreds emotionally... It was a way to buy myself some time, while his number was either temporarily blocked or my phone was lying in a drawer switched off.


Over time the journaling exercise eventually taught me to breath before I react, and the evidence box provided confidence in my relationship.


It was not easy, but he, we, were definitely worth it.


I'm proud to say that, even though the same fears manage to creep into my head from time to time, I have been successfully able to self sooth and remain calm. I haven't used either exercise in 2015.

That's absolutely awesome advice, Trippin2.0

I remind myself that emotions are temporary and often exaggerated. I write it out and throw away the note. Or I vent to someone who won't feel the need to persuade me to do anything to remedy the situation.

Glad you find it useful

I don't have borderline PD and thought it was very good.

Thanks Valentina