Regression in therapy sessions

I am doing therapy away from the public health care system. I am deeply traumatized from what the last group of therapists did to me... I am working through some of it and I am literally wrapping myself in blankets and wearing diapers to sessions. When I am feeling the emotions come pouring out - I am literally becoming a child... My voice goes high pitched and I curl up in my chair and feel the need to cover myself up and hug myself... This has happened every since these unethical therapists did what they did...

Does anyone relate to this?

I have heard of people regressing in therapy, I tend to regress too but not to that extreme...more so I just will have a childish sense of humor or throw a temper tantrum. But I have never heard of anyone needing to wear diapers...do you have trouble controlling your bladder?

I have felt like I was a teenager again, the age of my trauma, but I was also aware that it wasn't really true. I didn't act like a teenager, I just experienced some memories and had the same feelings that I did back then.

Do you think they are digging too deep into your past?

I have had episodes of regression in therapy sessions, but not to the degree you have. When I've regressed, it seems to happen when something is said or done that reminds (triggers) me of a trauma I went through as a child. When it happens to me, I usually feel about 6 years old, sometimes younger.

What may have happened in your therapy is that your therapist(s) may have tried to address your traumas/issues way too soon before you had enough help from them to develop coping skills to deal with what came up for you.

Many times, people go to therapy with some pretty heavy defense mechanisms that they have used, sometimes for decades, to keep bad memories and feelings from surfacing. They have stuffed things because it felt too dangerous to think about it. But in therapy, as trust is built, those defensive "walls" start coming down, and then the upsetting things you have tried to forget or stuff away begin to emerge. That's when regression can happen.

A therapist needs to be really careful not to allow the patient to experience more uncovering of the traumatic memory than they are able to tolerate. The reason the trauma was stuffed way or forgotten was usually because it was too painful at the time it happened to be able to deal with it. So when it begins to come up in therapy, the therapist has to be very careful to gauge the patient's distress level and not push the discussion of the trauma too far. Otherwise, the patient can end up feeling like they have been traumatized all over again. Do you think this is what happened to you?

I have also read about some people who have attachment issues and traumas from infancy that have had to use various coping mechanisms to deal with the distress that came up when they began working on their traumas in therapy. I've read of people who have used diapers, rocking, wrapping up in blankets, etc., to give themselves a feeling of safety. Many times, those ways of coping can be changed over time, as a person works through their traumas in therapy and learns better ways to manage distress.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with your last therapist(s). It sounds like they took things too fast before you felt enough safety to actually do trauma work. So now, it sounds like you are kind of stuck in that regressed state of feeling like a scared baby or child who needs comfort and protection. I wonder if your previous therapists weren't informed enough about these kinds of issues? The best bet for a therapist who understands this would probably be an attachment-focused therapist or one who specializes in C-PTSD and understands the need to take trauma work s-l-o-w-l-y.

Some people have benefited more from CBT therapy, which helps you learn to change your patterns of thinking in the present moment to deal with things, and it does not usually go back into your past nearly as much. It would not encourage regression.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I am currently curled up in a blanket as I write this. I am feeling alone, like my therapist dislikes me. I'm really a hard patient right now.

Before I say anything else, what happened in the public health care system is I caught someone making a major mistake and accusing me of faking my illness. I threatened a lawsuit and realized they had changed and altered my health records and put things in my files in the event that I do file a lawsuit. My credibility is out the window, no one would ever believe me over mental health professionals, especially not when they are all unionized and banding up against me. Those are the facts. The worst part is I was super attached and super vulnerable when they did this to me. They became malicious and it really messed me up... I'm battling feelings that my new therapist could do similar things and it is really hard. I like her a lot, but I have seen a new side of humanity and I really don't trust anyone in the whole world. I want to trust her and NEED to attach because I need comfort and safety, but I am testing her so much that I think she hates me already... This is what happens when unethical mental health professionals mess with your head. You can't even trust your therapist!

Crazylo, When you regress does your voice ever change when you get humorous or have a tantrum? What kinds of humor?

I have had a deep-rooted psychological desire to wear diapers for my entire life. But not because I need them. Some of my earliest memories are looking for diapers in my house. It is definitely a psychological need and I do believe it is linked to my attachment issues as I do not have bladder issues. I do, however, wet my diapers sometimes and it makes me feel safe and nurtured. Sounds so strange, I know, but when I accepted it - it provided a sense of calm that I never feel anywhere else. I'm not a creep or anything. I do this in complete privacy and I only just told therapists about it.

WibblyWobbly, When you noticed the feelings from the teenage years, did you find yourself feeling better afterwards? Or was it painful for a long time?

I don't know what's in the far past that has been driving this need for comfort and safety, but I want to know what it is, whatever it is... I actually need to know. It's too big of an issue in my life. I can't even date. I can't function. I want to lie in bed all day and comfort myself with diapers and pillows and blankets and whatnot... It's really sad. And it wasn't this bad 10 years ago. It's like as soon as I turned 18 I didn't know what to do with myself and all these issues came up. Of course I had issues before that but they weren't as bad and this regressive stuff is getting worse. Perhaps it's because what I went through recently was that painful. I'm lucky to be alive.

Peaches100,

You have shared a lot of info and I thank you for taking time to do it. I don't know much about the process of regression in therapy but what you said definitely makes sense and applies to my experience with it. I am seeing a therapist who is definitely skilled and genuine enough to handle me... Although, I have to say that not everyone deals with a patient who's been traumatized by other professionals in their field... I think there's a lot of potential for me to get hurt, really bad. I have been self harming because I am struggling with my therapist, whether or not I can trust her... She could ruin my life and I don't think she knows this. All she would have to do is write what the public health wrote (all lies) and then it would look like no matter where I go, the cycle repeats, thus is fact... So far I can point a finger at the public health care system and definitively say - every issue they wrote is contained within their union, and they have ever motive to do it...

There are, "fixers," out there - in public health care, in government, who's job it is to clean up a mess. These people should be in jail and barred from ever working in their industry again. But I have to live with not only the psychological damage they did, but also the fact that I will never see justice even if I could prove it all. Unions are so corrupt and even more-so when they are funded by the government. Disgusting human beings they are and I hope there's a God because they'll be judged VERY hard.

I don't feel safe.

I'm sorry that happened to you...I would feel traumatized, too. My ex-T hurt me and abandoned me (I saw her for 6 years)...I still haven't forgiven her and I have trouble trusting my new T because of it.

Yes, I think my voice does change...I've noticed it. Like I have two types of laughs: an adult laugh and a childish giggle...and I tend to giggle in session. I definitely sound like a child when I'm throwing a tantrum. When I'm manic, my therapist has told me I act like a 5 year old. I have whined and thrown stress toys across the room...I have also walked around the room pretending to "hide" and saying "Can you see me now?"...."Can you see me NOW?" while giggling. I don't know why I act like this. I have some abandonment trauma, not sure if it's related to that or not.

I'm not judging you for wearing diapers. I had just never heard of that before. It's interesting...and, it makes sense. I'll let you in on a little secret: I have a day bed which means it has bars on 3 sides of the bed. When I'm facing the bars while laying down, sometimes I pretend I'm laying in a crib. I long for the sense of comfort and safety that you feel when you're that young and very loved. I often wish I was still a child.

I did some CBT work and will be getting back into it soon(I had to drop out due to having a hernia and then having my gallbladder removed and recovery time from such). DBT helped me gain some coping skills so that I've just now begun doing a little bit of trauma work in individuals with my T. I've been seeing her for 1 1/2 years though..... so it took a loooooong time for me to even get to this point and we've just scratched the surface. I have literally sucked my thumb in therapy with previous t's though.

Do you ever just want to hug and cuddle and melt into your therapist? I miss her.

Yes I do. Not so much my previous ones but this one I do. She has suggested I bring a teddy bear with me to sessions. I have and I know it sounds childish but it helps. I cuddle the bear when I'm feeling scared. That's self soothing. There is nothing wrong with that during therapy even though I'm a grown woman, for therapy is best when you feel safe.

I have a "safe" box that is another self-soothing tool I learned in DBT. I used a shoebox and wrapped it with construction paper of all my favorite colors. I put a few objects in it that represent things that make me feel safe and loved. For instance, there's a photograph of me holding my first best friend, a family pet named Banjo( a miniature schnauzer). I also wear my gma's wedding band on my pinky finger.(She had tiny fingers).

The idea of the "safe" box is you put things in it that you can touch and think about and be in the moment feeling safe as you talk about things that you're uneasy about. I also have a stress ball in mine and another stress ball I carry in my purse.

I hope this suggestion helps! It's not for everybody but it helps me a lot.

Thanks for the posts. I am thrilled and comforted that there are others who relate.

HeavyMetal,

It's funny you describe that need for safety in therapy... That's what I want so badly... I find my recent experience in public health has complicated this badly so I'm yearning so badly to get over the mistrust bump. My T lets me use blankets and I am so tempted to dress in pajamas in my session this week and wear a diaper and use a blanket at the same time... It's going to be a busy session, lots to talk about...

I like your idea about the safety / comfort box. It sounds like it's effective for you! Did you have a hard time finding things to put in it? Or did you have many soothing things? How big is it? I'm trying to get a picture of it in my mind so I can see how you use it.

The teddy bear doesn't sound childish! I love that you are soothed from it! I think it's wonderful that you have something that soothes you and I am very happy you are comfortable showing that vulnerability in therapy! Do you ever struggle with self judgments? Do you act out your regressive little side at home in privacy? If so - what does that look like?

The other day in DBT group I was talking about my experience in a public place. It was in a chapters book store. I was having some anxiety and thought I would use mindfulness and self sooth while in the store. I walked around and listened to the music, looked at pictures of landscapes on magazines, sipped a starbucks drink, smelled scented candles and touched soft teddy bears. When I shared the part about teddy bears I kind of laughed, embarassed, but no one else laughed. My therapist kind of seem sensitive to my little side in the group and so did everyone else...

Peaches,
Do you still regress from time to time? When you feel like you are 6 - how do you know? What happens for you?

CrazyLo, Have you ever tried wearing diapers or covering yourself in that crib with a soft, fluffy blanket? Do you have any transitional objects that you've used over the years? That longing for comfort and safety is such a nice feeling... I want that too. Do you feel it in the pit of your stomach? That's where I feel it when I get that desire to feel loved and comforted and safe... It reminds of me of nurture from a mother that is in a timeless space - forever and always.

I'm trying to figure out if I want to be a child or if I regress to a time when trauma was evident... What do you think it is for you guys and gals?

I am currently snuggling in a blanket, with my soft fluffy pillow, wearing pajamas and a diaper and I am sipping a warm drink and I LOVE the feeling... I just wish my T was here to hug me.

For me, the box is just the size of a tennis shoe size shoe box. At first, Ihad a hard time finding items, yes. Then, I got ideas using all of my senses, so the picture example is sight. I have a favorite cd in it, my stress ball, a small tube of scented lotion, a small bag of M&Ms that I always replenish after they're all gone.

Do I ever act out my childish side at home? Yes! An example is I keep a coloring book that I color in, I dance around the house twirling around in circles like I did as a child, singing to myself, I rock back and forth hugging myself when I cry unless my bf sees me doing that then he puts his arms around me & hugs me & rocks me. When he does that, I literally lay my head down on his shoulder and he's caught me sucking my thumb while doing that.

In public? It's really hard for me to show vulnerability in public. Usually it comes out as anger or anxiety attacks then that is followed with shame. Therapy is the one and only exception.

For me, I want the safety and security I felt as a young child before I was traumatized and life got complicated. I think it's funny you ask what we think that is for us. In therapy yesterday, my T asked me what it would look like if I showed that scared little girl inside me the love I seek from others. We were also talking about how I was raised in a shame-based family and my being raised by a mom with narcissistic traits. So I learned some unhealthy ideas about love and attachment. Anyway, she asked me what it would look like if I wasn't seeking approval and attention from my mom & others...What would it look like if I loved myself and stopped beating up that little kid inside me and just gave her the love I seek in others. I've been pondering that question since yesterday.

Do I want to be a kid? No. Sometimes I think I'm emotionally stunted in my growth and I FEEL like a kid a lot. Does that make sense?

When I felt like a teenager it was painful but it was more so really comforting. There were a lot of memories I was blocking out and I hadn't felt whole without them.

I was in an inpatient PTSD/DID program and we were allowed to bring blankets and stress balls to group but no teddy bears because they could cause us to regress/dissociate and we needed to "stay in the present moment" to get the work done.

I don't know if I have any transitional objects. The only thing I can think of is I "grew out" of sleeping with stuffed animals, but then the past few years I've started sleeping with them again. It makes me feel very comforted. I've never worn diapers...I'll probably have to wear them when I'm an old lady though lol.

I feel it in my stomach too. I don't know how to describe the feeling though. Just this feeling of comfort and safety. I will daydream about my T comforting me and hugging me. I live at home with my mom, and I still lay on her lap sometimes...I'm almost 29 years old.