[jcl76]

I am truly struggling with myself with guilt after I continuously ruining my relationship and friendship because of my emotions and always wanted to express my feelings with are ALWAYS during certain times.

I met a girl 1.5 years ago which we instantly had a connection like we have always been friends. Over 6 months we had a relationship because I was guarded and haven’t been in a relationship for 3 years from being hurt from a bad previous one. This girl and I tried to work it out and kept coming back because of our closeness. We both admitted we have never been with anyone that we are so comfortable around, nonjudgmental, accepting, and truly brought genuine value and happiness to each other’s lives!

She finally decided that she doesn’t see us being more than friends and like every time I poured my feelings out and it was overwhelming to her is why we couldn’t be together. She lost her attraction intimately under stably because obviously girls are attracted to stable and strong men.
Problem is when we were together my BPD is really a non-issue, but it’s the split up and rejection send me for a loop!
She also has her issues to where her strength comes from (whether healthy or not) being able to sweep feelings under the rug and suppressing them while I want to talk and be open. That’s where her stress comes from me. It’s come to feel like purgatory and a love hate relationship. While I need communication and openness when avoids a lot to protect my feelings although I respect and can handle the opposite and it crushes me that communication would help solve some of it.
We both wanted it to work and we both want to be friends so bad because we have so many good memories, and been through so much with me being there and loving her kids too. I am 40 and have been married and I am terrified of being alone forever because of BPD. I can’t control who I am although I can’t stand the man I am.
I can say with honesty I have never met a girl who I have these feelings for, and its like I finally found the best connection ever and I ruined it now I cannot shake the guilt and forgive myself. I cant even forgive her for simply deciding I am not the one for her which I should be able to respect and accept.

I just need encouragement more than ever

[ThunderGoddess]

Honestly I am going to just tell you the facts here and I'm sorry if you don't like it but you can control who you are and you can shake the guilt you can forgive yourself and her. Okay with that being said there are ways to go about doing all of that it isn't like the easiest thing in the world especially with BPD but it is possible if you want it. I like many people with BPD have ruined tons of relationships because of this black and white thinking. But the first step of ending this "I can't" cycle is to forgive yourself so once you do that the rest is easier. You aren't a horrible person no matter what happened in the past no one is a horrible person, we may have horrible actions or words but our words and actions are not us as a whole person. No one can pull you out of this but yourself and we are all here to support you through it like I said it isn't easy but you have to want to get better and know you can for any healing to start. I know you have it in you!! Good luck and try to find it in you to start DBT therapy!!

[Trippin2.0]

Its not so much your emotions that's the problem, we're supposed to have emotions, its part of the human condition.


The thoughts behind the emotions, which subsequently drive our reactions...

That's what you need to tackle.


If you can challenge your thought processes the emotions and behavior will change over time.