[CopperStar]

Just wondering how common this is, if anyone else can relate.

I would say that I am heterosexual, because when I am basically symptom-free, my self-love tendencies make it clear that I am attracted to males. When there is no emotion in the picture whatsoever, and it's nothing but basic carnal instinct, my brain always hones in on fantasies of males.

However, it seems like whenever I feel emotionally close to a female companion, I wind up getting extremely confused.

It happened for the first time when I was in middle school, and I made my first best friend. I felt a deep need for closeness and often wanted to sit close to her, hug her and hold her hand. It made me feel very confused about whether or not that meant I was a lesbian. My understanding was that "normal friends" don't feel or act that way, so I was able to pick up on the fact that I was feeling something more than normal friends, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. It wasn't like I wanted to kiss her or see her naked. But there was something more that I wanted.

This same thing happened again with future female friends throughout my life. I never had any sexual attraction to women, but whenever I would become emotionally close to one, it was like I would "fall in love" without the lust. I would want to be with them almost 24/7, I would want to cuddle and be physically close, and I would want to act like stereotypically like their boyfriend, being protective and romantic and so on. Caused me a lot of confusion over the years.

Eventually in therapy it was theorized that it was a BPD-type thing for me. The way I interpreted it, was that it was like I feel a type of love that most people don't feel. Like how there is typical romantic/sexual love, familial love, friendship love, etc. And like there is an additional type of love that I can feel that is very emotional and romantic, more than friends but not quite explicitly sexual.

I was recently reminded of this peculiar symptom after spending about a week with a self-identified lesbian on the job. She was very fun and kind and a little flirty with me. I enjoyed it, and now that we don't work together anymore, I feel kind of sad. By the time we spent our last day together, I had already started wondering about myself again. Wondering what is this feeling, am I actually gay, or am I just a BPD mess being my usual BPD mess self. I've always figured I would feel horrible if I tried dating a woman, and then was like, "Yeah nope, never really liked you that way, was just my mental health problems, sorry." I could never do that to someone, so I've never bothered exploring.

Anyone else get really confused by intense romantic feelings sometimes?

[Lonlin3zz]

I display traits of bpd, but not one to be proud of.

After going through 2 years plus of Diploma studies, my clique drifted, and eventually some of them formed new cliques with different people. I have a friend whom and I stood by each other weeks ago since we were split into different classes due to different elective module.

I sorta of what felt, like " emotional & romantic ", but not exactly like being gay, but rather, I knew him for quite some times and he is a nicer person when you're alone with him. It's not even remotely close to sexual feelings, but more towards wanting to be more than just normal hanging out friends, like friends-for-life.

I am not totally sure if I can relate in your context, but sometimes I really do unconsciously sit very close to another person, like a friend, then they questioned me why I would always sit so close like a creep. It hurts very much.

To quote you, but with my own context:

[I would say that I am heterosexual, because when I am basically symptom-free, my self-love tendencies make it clear that I am attracted to FEmales. When there is no emotion in the picture whatsoever, and it's nothing but basic carnal instinct, my brain always hones in on fantasies of females. ]

Then when it comes to a point when emotions are in the picture, the basic carnal instinct is masked.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Just wondering how common this is, if anyone else can relate.

I would say that I am heterosexual, because when I am basically symptom-free, my self-love tendencies make it clear that I am attracted to males. When there is no emotion in the picture whatsoever, and it's nothing but basic carnal instinct, my brain always hones in on fantasies of males.

However, it seems like whenever I feel emotionally close to a female companion, I wind up getting extremely confused.

It happened for the first time when I was in middle school, and I made my first best friend. I felt a deep need for closeness and often wanted to sit close to her, hug her and hold her hand. It made me feel very confused about whether or not that meant I was a lesbian. My understanding was that "normal friends" don't feel or act that way, so I was able to pick up on the fact that I was feeling something more than normal friends, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. It wasn't like I wanted to kiss her or see her naked. But there was something more that I wanted.

This same thing happened again with future female friends throughout my life. I never had any sexual attraction to women, but whenever I would become emotionally close to one, it was like I would "fall in love" without the lust. I would want to be with them almost 24/7, I would want to cuddle and be physically close, and I would want to act like stereotypically like their boyfriend, being protective and romantic and so on. Caused me a lot of confusion over the years.

Eventually in therapy it was theorized that it was a BPD-type thing for me. The way I interpreted it, was that it was like I feel a type of love that most people don't feel. Like how there is typical romantic/sexual love, familial love, friendship love, etc. And like there is an additional type of love that I can feel that is very emotional and romantic, more than friends but not quite explicitly sexual.

I was recently reminded of this peculiar symptom after spending about a week with a self-identified lesbian on the job. She was very fun and kind and a little flirty with me. I enjoyed it, and now that we don't work together anymore, I feel kind of sad. By the time we spent our last day together, I had already started wondering about myself again. Wondering what is this feeling, am I actually gay, or am I just a BPD mess being my usual BPD mess self. I've always figured I would feel horrible if I tried dating a woman, and then was like, "Yeah nope, never really liked you that way, was just my mental health problems, sorry." I could never do that to someone, so I've never bothered exploring.

Anyone else get really confused by intense romantic feelings sometimes?

I have often wondered if people with BPD are more likely to be bisexual because we tend to be attracted to people who we get close to. I thought maybe it was just me and a couple people I identified that in. I identify as pansexual but I did find that often all someone had to do was give me attention and then I would have "crush" like feelings toward them. Sometimes I'd get into relationships with people I wasn't even that attracted to or didn't really like because it just kind of...happened. Like I'd enjoy the attention and they thought it was more and I just let it happen so I would keep getting that attention. Because usually the ones that were totally wrong for me would shower me with gifts, text me 24/7, drop plans to be with me whenever I wanted. It's hard not to like that! It never ended well because I didn't love those people and they'd be crushed at the end because all this time they thought it was a relationship and to me it was just fun & sex.

What complicated it is that I know other people who do the same thing. Not maliciously, always telling the person there's no future there but letting them fill the emptiness for a little while. Anyway, I'm mostly attracted to women emotionally but about 50/50 sexual attraction. I have trouble trusting men and opening up to them, until I met my current boyfriend. So all this is to say, I think maybe this is something that happens with people who have BPD, I've certainly wondered about it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm heterosexual. I'm physically and romantically attracted to men only. Visually, I think a woman's body is a beautiful work of art. I love seeing the dips and curves, but it doesn't do anything for me sexually. I am also emotionally attracted to women...not men. I'm not bi though. And what makes me even stranger is that I love my dogs more so than humans because my childhood taught me that humans aren't safe.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Yes, my BPD has caused me issues in this area. I don't know what my sexual orientation is at the time of this posting, yeah that bad I honestly just have no idea.

I am physically sexually attracted to both men and women but my sexual experience has been with men only for now. I could never be in a relationship with just a woman. So I dont know what that makes me. I lean towards bi curious.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Whether or not its a sexual preference only you can decide - but yes, BPD will cause you to form closer bonds and feel you "need" more attention and never want that person to go away - whether they are friend or lover, you can develop fears of abandonment (whether real or imagined) and do everything in your power to prevent that from happening - BPD is very confusing when it comes to interpersonal relationships because of that and learning to separate the lines between "my space" n "their space" n distinguishing the difference in the amount of privacy needed between friendships n lovers can be very hard with BPD too. These are things I am getting better at but still working on as I too deal with BPD.

If you scroll down to the "symptoms" section of this page it kind of explains it:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overv...lity-disorder/

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm heterosexual. I'm physically and romantically attracted to men only. Visually, I think a woman's body is a beautiful work of art. I love seeing the dips and curves, but it doesn't do anything for me sexually. I am also emotionally attracted to women...not men. I'm not bi though. And what makes me even stranger is that I love my dogs more so than humans because my childhood taught me that humans aren't safe.

Dogs are totally better than people! I had an ex that wanted me to say I loved her more than my dog and I refused. Because I didn't!! Luckily my boyfriend is cool with the fact that I call my dog "the love of my life" and he adores her too.

[Pukibom]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Just wondering how common this is, if anyone else can relate.

I would say that I am heterosexual, because when I am basically symptom-free, my self-love tendencies make it clear that I am attracted to males. When there is no emotion in the picture whatsoever, and it's nothing but basic carnal instinct, my brain always hones in on fantasies of males.

However, it seems like whenever I feel emotionally close to a female companion, I wind up getting extremely confused.

It happened for the first time when I was in middle school, and I made my first best friend. I felt a deep need for closeness and often wanted to sit close to her, hug her and hold her hand. It made me feel very confused about whether or not that meant I was a lesbian. My understanding was that "normal friends" don't feel or act that way, so I was able to pick up on the fact that I was feeling something more than normal friends, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. It wasn't like I wanted to kiss her or see her naked. But there was something more that I wanted.

This same thing happened again with future female friends throughout my life. I never had any sexual attraction to women, but whenever I would become emotionally close to one, it was like I would "fall in love" without the lust. I would want to be with them almost 24/7, I would want to cuddle and be physically close, and I would want to act like stereotypically like their boyfriend, being protective and romantic and so on. Caused me a lot of confusion over the years.

Eventually in therapy it was theorized that it was a BPD-type thing for me. The way I interpreted it, was that it was like I feel a type of love that most people don't feel. Like how there is typical romantic/sexual love, familial love, friendship love, etc. And like there is an additional type of love that I can feel that is very emotional and romantic, more than friends but not quite explicitly sexual.

I was recently reminded of this peculiar symptom after spending about a week with a self-identified lesbian on the job. She was very fun and kind and a little flirty with me. I enjoyed it, and now that we don't work together anymore, I feel kind of sad. By the time we spent our last day together, I had already started wondering about myself again. Wondering what is this feeling, am I actually gay, or am I just a BPD mess being my usual BPD mess self. I've always figured I would feel horrible if I tried dating a woman, and then was like, "Yeah nope, never really liked you that way, was just my mental health problems, sorry." I could never do that to someone, so I've never bothered exploring.

Anyone else get really confused by intense romantic feelings sometimes?

I spent years confused.....you are not alone
I even got into porn addiction watching only my same sex
And now after months recovering, I realized that porn or sexual confusion was nothing more than a result of my BPD traits
Because I failed to deal with anger or because of my impulsive search for security and belonging

Sent from my Lenovo A3500-HV using Tapatalk

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Anyone else get really confused by intense romantic feelings sometimes?

( post parsed for brevity )

I find that as a person who has the traits of a BPD ,
I will want to be close to ANYONE that shows me
any kind of affection , interest , or seems to send some kind of cue.
I need to be loved. I don't want to be abandoned.

Whatever it takes. I'll leave it at that.

[ThunderGoddess]

I only date men but have been with women when I was younger being curious, I have thought about dating females on different occasions though so maybe I am confused about the orientation but I love my boyfriend and don't want to be with anyone else at this point in time.

[WibblyWobbly]

I am a heterosexual female. When I get very emotionally close to someone-they really listen to me, are supportive, know about my trauma and encourage me to talk about it-I fall in love temporarily. I might get jealous of their partners, but I have no desire to sleep with them. It's more like, come be my companion. I'm not going to date you but nobody else will either because you're making me feel #1 right now and I want to keep having this feeling. I think it's that I'm flooded with endorphins and it feels awesome.

[ThunderGoddess]

Originally Posted by WibblyWobbly

I am a heterosexual female. When I get very emotionally close to someone-they really listen to me, are supportive, know about my trauma and encourage me to talk about it-I fall in love temporarily. I might get jealous of their partners, but I have no desire to sleep with them. It's more like, come be my companion. I'm not going to date you but nobody else will either because you're making me feel #1 right now and I want to keep having this feeling. I think it's that I'm flooded with endorphins and it feels awesome.

I second this

[Unrigged64072835]

Although I've been attracted to both sexes all my relationships have been with men, and I'm happily married to a man now. I have serious abandonment issues with my father, so that may be driving some of my dating behavior, because I would pick men who were unavailable in some form.

[TryingToMoveForward]

Possibly. I've been in love with and have had sexual relationships with women. But I legitimately have found certain types of women attractive. Particularly masculine or boyish women. Men scare me, because of past trauma and PTSD.

What I AM experiencing as BPD and identity is my gender identity. I recently became genderfluid because I can't decide if I am more male or female. Some days I feel like a boy. Other days like a woman. Sometimes both at the same time. I'm all over the place. I love my guy clothes. But I also like women's clothing. I love wearing make-up, but I love the scent of men's cologne and deodorant. Since I'm not sure what I am, I go with genderfluid. Maybe someday I'll be able to make sense of this.

[xavier.s]

yes i have been confused about my sexual orientation. I identify as g ay but sometimes i feel im bisexual because I'll fall madly in love with someone of the opposite sex. One time i believed I'd marry someone and be in a straight relationship for the rest of my life.

[BadWolfC]

I don't really see how this could be caused by BPD. I know a lot of people who have gone through the same thing, who haven't been diagnosed with any sort of MI. Personally, I think everyone goes through it, it's a kind of self discovery, finding out what you do and do not like. I was bi curious as an early teen, and even had a girlfriend for a short time, but now that I'm older I'm not interested in women anymore, in fact I'm probably the straightest person I know.

My fiance, on the other hand, was very strictly straight until he was 20. He then started becoming interested in men, and had a boyfriend for a few years before he met me. He is the most in between bi person I've ever met, most have a preference to male or female but are also interested in those outside their primary preference.

I think there is a misconception with sexual orientation, being that most people are either straight or gay. It's true that most identify as one or the other, but in my experience most people of one orientation or the other have been curious or experimented with the sex that isn't their primary interest. That doesn't necessarily mean that everyone is bi, but I think a large number of people are and just don't acknowledge it.

Anyway, my point in all this is that just because you have BPD and are experiencing that, it doesn't mean it's caused by the BPD or is even related. I think it's a completely normal thing to experience, and it's nothing to be concerned about.

[Kendyll]

Bisexuality is on a continuum, and not everybody feels it the same way. And I don't think it's just about sex. I've known quite a few people who weren't all that sexually attracted to the same sex, but those were the relationships that brought them the most emotional satisfaction. So they were happy with a more fulfilling, yet somewhat less sexual relationship.

I'm bi, but I'm only sexually attracted to women. I can't have fulfilling relationships with them (most of the time). I'm more emotionally attracted to men. The big joke is that I'm a Bi man in a woman's body! But I don't think that's my BPD. I think that's just how I am. Not everything in my life is a result of just my BPD.

[Skeezyks]

I have read that, at one time, people who were transsexual were considered, by the psychological profession, to have Borderline Personality Disorder. I believe that "gender confusion" is still considered to be one of the traits of BPD.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by BadWolfC

I don't really see how this could be caused by BPD. I know a lot of people who have gone through the same thing, who haven't been diagnosed with any sort of MI. Personally, I think everyone goes through it, it's a kind of self discovery, finding out what you do and do not like. I was bi curious as an early teen, and even had a girlfriend for a short time, but now that I'm older I'm not interested in women anymore, in fact I'm probably the straightest person I know.

...

I ID as queer or pansexual, but for me it wasn't an orientation confusion so much as I found myself getting involved with people I didn't really like or wasn't really attracted to just because of the attention they were giving me. I could see how for people who are not queer/pansexual/bisexual that it would get confusing. I definitely believe in the Kinsey scale and that most people are somewhere in the middle rather than 100% gay or 100% straight but I can definitely see how a pd would/could confuse someone even more.

[borderlinechameleon]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Just wondering how common this is, if anyone else can relate.

I would say that I am heterosexual, because when I am basically symptom-free, my self-love tendencies make it clear that I am attracted to males. When there is no emotion in the picture whatsoever, and it's nothing but basic carnal instinct, my brain always hones in on fantasies of males.

However, it seems like whenever I feel emotionally close to a female companion, I wind up getting extremely confused.

It happened for the first time when I was in middle school, and I made my first best friend. I felt a deep need for closeness and often wanted to sit close to her, hug her and hold her hand. It made me feel very confused about whether or not that meant I was a lesbian. My understanding was that "normal friends" don't feel or act that way, so I was able to pick up on the fact that I was feeling something more than normal friends, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. It wasn't like I wanted to kiss her or see her naked. But there was something more that I wanted.

This same thing happened again with future female friends throughout my life. I never had any sexual attraction to women, but whenever I would become emotionally close to one, it was like I would "fall in love" without the lust. I would want to be with them almost 24/7, I would want to cuddle and be physically close, and I would want to act like stereotypically like their boyfriend, being protective and romantic and so on. Caused me a lot of confusion over the years.

Eventually in therapy it was theorized that it was a BPD-type thing for me. The way I interpreted it, was that it was like I feel a type of love that most people don't feel. Like how there is typical romantic/sexual love, familial love, friendship love, etc. And like there is an additional type of love that I can feel that is very emotional and romantic, more than friends but not quite explicitly sexual.

I was recently reminded of this peculiar symptom after spending about a week with a self-identified lesbian on the job. She was very fun and kind and a little flirty with me. I enjoyed it, and now that we don't work together anymore, I feel kind of sad. By the time we spent our last day together, I had already started wondering about myself again. Wondering what is this feeling, am I actually gay, or am I just a BPD mess being my usual BPD mess self. I've always figured I would feel horrible if I tried dating a woman, and then was like, "Yeah nope, never really liked you that way, was just my mental health problems, sorry." I could never do that to someone, so I've never bothered exploring.

Anyone else get really confused by intense romantic feelings sometimes?

I feel like this a lot when it comes to dating women. I'm not quite sure what it is but I think I scare a lot of people like that. I don't know why I care so deeply but instead of a "normal" friendship, it seems like im expecting more even though i know i shouldn't be. It's really hard to explain but i completely understand where you're coming from. I'm struggling with this currently.