Romantic relationships + work

It's no secret--one day, I hope to get married and start a family. I want a career that I find fulfilling and can stick with. I want to do anything in order to not make history repeat itself and be like my mother. Rest her soul, but I'm petrified of who I could be if I continue down this path.

And since I'm meandering, it feels as if I will never reach a point where I could get married. Maybe I run into all the wrong people. Maybe it's not in my cards. Maybe I suck at life and need to put other things in order and stop giving in to my fears.

With friendships, they're fine for me. If I click with a person, that's it...it's great. So, if I start dating a friend, things....change. I can feel so liberated with a friendship, but with a boyfriend or girlfriend, I feel bogged down with my emotions. I lose the ability to talk to them and become clingy and have abandonment issues and I lose trust in my partner. I don't have confidence in myself.

It happens at work, too. I don't feel like I can do anything without the approval of someone else. Everything seems WRONG. Like I can't do it and I'm stupid for thinking I ever could.

Relationships are that way, too. I'm not sure if it's part of my PTSD or borderline. Growing up, I know I felt trapped and would often have nightmares of running from my house to...nowhere. There was no one to go to and see and no place to escape to. I was just going through the motions of running without ever getting to safety.

I don't have a car, so getting around is a bit difficult on short notice. Whenever my ex would leave without telling me, I'd freak out because I would feel trapped. Or at work...it gets so boring slow, then it'll pick up, and my mind goes back to "can you ever do anything right?" So I just give up.

Is there a correlation between my childhood and what I'm experiencing now, as an adult? I go to therapy min a week, but I just want to make some sense of it now, and get some insight. Sorry for the long post.

I do tend to think the BPD does get in the way of maintaining relationships. I needed to learn some cognitive coping skills so I didn't let my feelings run off and ruin things. With CBT (and DBT) it's a matter of finding the thoughts that trigger those feelings and correcting them. That may be where you want to start in therapy.

I had a lot of those feelings about relationships in the past, I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I kept ending up with bad people who would drag me down even farther. It took a long time and a lot of bad mistakes to finally end up where I am now. I still don't feel too great about my career (I'm working a dead end retail job right now, which I really don't like), but since I met my fiance I feel like things have gotten a lot better over all. He's the first person I've felt like I can be myself with and feel completely safe with. I couldn't even tell you how many failed relationships I had before him, I've lost count. I honestly never thought I'd find anyone shortly before I met him and I'd given up completely, but guess I was way off. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life and career, but now he's around to help me figure it out.

I think you'll find someone like that eventually too, there are so many people in the world that it's just a numbers game. It gets easier the more you learn about yourself, the better you know yourself the more you'll know what kind of person you're looking for and need, and the better you'll be able to communicate wants and needs when you do find someone. It just takes time and some practice. No one is immediately good at holding a relationship, it takes work from both sides to make one work.

I did not get married until I was 32, I had not been diagnosed at that time with BPD. From day my husband made me feel stronger. We are coming up on 14 years now. It can happen.

I was also in my relationship now before I was diagnosed BPD although it was a sure thing looking back at my past 30 failed relationships I dated a lot of abusive men I was drawn to people who didn't want love, men who just wanted a fling and then I'd cling til everything exploded in my face.

I met my boyfriend the same way as I met the others, drunk at a punk show but this time it's different he sticks by me and I've sadly put him through hell not purposely of course just raging emotion dysregulation.

The point I'm making is we all at some point never think we'll find the one because we're damaged or just tend to ruin it all but truthfully if you have a supportive partner these flaws we are trying so desperately to work on don't become the end of the relationship, in loving relationships the right person will stand by you BPD and all.

We are special people who need a special kind of love so it's harder to find but it's not impossible, don't let your failed relationships dictate your future because it takes 2 to make it not work out.