Pieces

I am touched by the words in your poem kamikaze - to trust and engage and hope are such risky endeavours, more so for people carrying our burden of attachment deficiencies from our childhoods. To be accepted (not rejected) for who we are and all that we are, it's such a precious gift but sadly not a lot of people are willing or even able to offer this. I feel sad to hear your loss of hope, but understand the survival instinct that is striving to protect you from further rejection and pain (in person-centred theory this is called 'the actualising tendency', our innate drive to grow and become whole, to reach our full potential).

Sometimes when I feel desperately hopeless it is only my therapist's hope for, and belief in, me that carries me through. I have hope for you to become whole and to be wholly accepted by another. So far my therapist has not let me down, so I believe it's possible to gain back some of that acceptance (and self-acceptance) and empathy that we desperately missed out on as children.

As Maya Angeland once said, 'The nature of this flower is to bloom'...

Take gentle care of precious you,

Phx

I used to have a lot of bravado to flash around, but I find it has deserted me in my 30s. I definitely relate. I despair of finding people to be close to because of my issues. People don't seem to want those of us who have issues because they can choose people who are much less burdened, less wounded. It perplexes me that the individual person seems to be worth nothing to the vast majority of people out there, but that seems to be the way it is.

Ugh, I know what you mean, I am always worried about my weight and what I look like. If I had been born with a perfect face and body, a better genetic code, maybe people could have forgiven my internal flaws and issues.

Sometimes I encounter people who seem to think well of me and who will say very kind things about me, but at the end of the day, they are just passing by. So then I am left to wonder if they say such things simply because they don't know me; they will never know me well enough to be annoyed by me, hurt by me, etc. It's like what someone I loved once said when I told her some people didn't seem to think I was all that burdensome/difficult - "Well, they don't know you."

Thank you, I could definitely use some. I am glad that you can still like yourself. I think you are definitely likable!

Thank you. I write quite a lot about such things. I am beginning to think there is no point to taking the risk, to reaching out. People cannot accept me the way that I am willing to accept them. It's very painful and reinforces certain ways of thinking and feeling, plus causes further injury. My actualizing tendency must be very strong.

I'm glad one of us has hope for me to achieve those things! I hope that your therapist keeps impressing and supporting you in the ways you need him to. You seem like a lovely person and I definitely hope for you to receive all the things you need to nourish and heal your being.

Thanks Kamikaze

I am going to start a separate thread about the person-centred approach and therapy. Just going to put in a couple of links that folk can follow if they want to. Thought this info would be less likely to get 'lost' if it had it's own thread!

The thought of living life without hope is unbearable to me, I desperately search for hope wherever I can, no matter how much or little. Sometimes it is the thinnest of threads, but I mostly manage to catch hold of it. I really believe I would not be here if I didn't.

Phx

I think that's an excellent idea. It's something all those who come to this forum should be able to find and read. Again, thank you for sharing it.

I agree. A life without hope is hard to bear. I mostly persevere for my pets. But having one's hopes dashed gets more and more painful each time it happens. These days, I have a lot of trouble tolerating the inevitable drop/crash that comes from daring to hope. Being "unkillable" has long been a point of pride for me, but maybe I am pushing my limit.

If I had a better body I'd be on a pole somewhere.

That whole they don't know you bit - I'm going to guess you're selling yourself way short. I have one friend who is a VERY nice person but I had to pull back. She's emotionally draining. She's got issues and I have too many of my own to be able to deal with her. I know that sounds fvcked up but her shyt was taking a toll on me and it's not mine. I HAD to pull away for my own sanity.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who CAN like you for the real you, IF YOU LET THEM. The others might just be doing the best they can.


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Haha, I'd still be right here!

Thank you. I tried to take what this person said with a grain of salt. But it still hurts a lot and makes me worry, doubt myself even more.

Even though it's hard to do that, it's good that you were able to do step back when you needed to - it does count as self-care, IMO. You are recognizing what you can't handle and trying to stay in a healthier place. That's a tough thing for the other person to understand, though. It will hurt no matter what.

I would love to think so! I have tried to let them. I keep "testing" for people who can. It's tough to keep trying when I always end up getting hurt and rejected. I'm sure those people were doing the best they could with me, but that doesn't make me feel any better, considering. You know what I mean?

Well the other day I realized that I've been a little self absorbed. I spent a whole day with my bestie mooning over my therapist. So I called her the other day, blathered on for a bit and said, "So how are you doing? "

She replies, WOW! I haven't heard THAT in a while." Then I once again got the speech about how when she needs to talk to someone about a problem I'm not the one she comes to. That stings. Of course she also said, "I know what I'm dealing with. " The unsaid of that is that "I love you anyway. " Crappy way she did it but we're friends for 30 years so you know she must love me to put up with me.

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