BPD and Depression

My main symptom of BPD is depression. I've been depressed since I was a teenager. I'm 34 now. I'm sick of constantly being depressed.
I would like very much to end my life , but I can't. I want to but I can't because I am a mother. I don't want to be alive but I have to. Its unbearable , being alive is painful and dissapointing 😢
Who else has depression as a symtom of their BPD? What is life like for you?

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I'm not sure if depression is a result of bpd for me.. Depression and anxiety are my main symptoms. Therapy didn't help (but he, frankly was abusive ) meds don't help much and I'm allergic to most of them now )
I have no Cubs and am here because I don't want to hurt papa bear ...
And because it's not easy to actually exit this world

Life sucks mostly I can't/don't talk much to doctors even though the doctor I have now is a good GP.
(I've been burnt too many times by medics )

Thinking of you

I have the lovely bipolar along with bpd and anxiety. In other words, I'm ****ed. All this soup full of labels of who I am and in between is where I actually exist. Living's hard; dying's easy. Sure I'll take one of those forever naps into a prettier world devoid of harsh realities. Ah, the erotic art of suicide. How we love to be romanced by its allure, it's dream it's very presence of a better tomorrow, an ending of this present chaos in my quiet head. feel ya

Thank you for your reply fuzzy . I know your feeling low like me . I'm sorry for your experiences with medics and therapists . I hope we feel better soon . lots of love 💙💕💙💕💙

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Hey. Thanks for your reply. Yes it sounds unlucky to have more than one diagnosis. That must be really really difficult. I know what you mean about sleeping and waking up somewhere else! Away from here. Death is so much harder than just falling asleep, I've tried a few times and did not suceed.

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I've tried a few times too. I have children and that stops me. But when I'm in the suicide zone, I don't think of my children at all. Like maybe they are a dream fragment or something I lost along the way. I wish I could say the right words to someone thinking suicide. I feel helpless. I have a friend who deliciously savors the collection of oxys and daydreams of the 'plan.' I am going to be with her tonight. I never know what to say. She has the right to think suicide as you do. It is not something that must be stomped out or even changed. It is not wrong. Why is it a crime, I wonder. It's a crime bc it's easier to make it illegal and punishable than it is to understand it.

I feel like living is a punishment 😢💕💕

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My heart goes out to you!! I too have depression as a main component with my BPD also. I have really big struggling particularly pad with it lately too. I just can't seem to pick myseld back up. I am also a mother. I am so thankful for that fact because it stops any suicidal thought right when they try to sneak in.

I agree that life can be quite painful and disappointing. I try so hard to see the good things in my life, like the smile on one of my children's faces. I don't have a lot of friends at all so I spend a lot of time with my toddler son or alone. I wish I had people to spend time with... to have fun with. I don't go out and do any of the things I once enjoyed. I barely go out at all.

Although I am not sure what advice to give, I want you to know that I really do feel your pain. I wish I had something profoundly inspirational to tell you that would make you feel even a little but better. I can share with you something I saw on Pinterest that I love and read to myself often. Maybe it's silly but it brings me a bit of comfort. "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it." ~ Author unknown

Thank you. I relate to everything you said . ((((( sad hugs ))))) 💙💕💙💕💙💕

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Hi cryingontheinside

I empathize with you. I have the same deal. Since the conception of my son, fourteen years ago, I have had the luck of brain chemistry to have been out of the loop, but it seems peri-menopause and teenage hormones have colluded to see my return to the void. I battle it with vigorous exercise, doing stuff with my kid, writing, laughter and smiling--fake or otherwise (proven brain cocktail that measurably reduces stress hormone) projects I throw myself into suddenly, and with great gusto, and a lot of gentle self-counseling--to distract me away from the alternately raging and sorrowful voice that wants it all to go away. Oh, and a lot of hard crying. It's very good for you; also medically proven. Holding it in makes you feel wretched, doesn't it?

And there's always cake, and Netflix.
take care.