[mountainlife]

Many years ago, as a teen, I would sit up in my room and slice away at my arms and legs with a rusty pen knife. I had no idea in the world what was wrong with me or why I would do such a thing. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I did it.

When I go over the BP criteria now, I realize that sometime back, I started harming myself in other, sometimes bizarre ways. For instance, calling myself horrible names aloud, almost as if it's another person there, saying the worst of the worst to me about what and how I am. Another thing I do is bite myself somewhere--as hard as I can, sometimes, making everything go white for a second. It helps. Another think I do is make a small disaster happen, that I will then have to sit in, or clean up; for example--hurling a cup of milk from a moving car. I showed that milk. It ended up all over me, and all over the car's windows. I sobbed most wretchedly as I mopped it up for an hour. You should see what I can do with a coffee-maker.

Anyone else harm themselves in other ways besides the most obvious??

I get the name calling thing. I call myself a 'stupid *****' sometimes out loud. I also mutter 'i hate myself' over and over. When i was married my husband used to tell me to stop so i just went underground. Now i'm free to say it out loud. Whatever.