I have a problem and I am wondering if this is normal for any one else, Yesterday I was having a really hard day, I was given up for adoption at birth and the people who adopted me were abusive and my adopted mother was a Narcissist so my growing up years were not good, I was bad at least I was told that all the time, Any way I am trying to do a family tree and my biological mother wants to keep me a secret and not let me see the family tree, To make a long story short I was crying and crying and I just wanted to go in the bath room and look at myself and also my face and just start slapping it, I don't want to die, I just want this gut renshing pain to go away, I feel so unlovable and unwanted, I have my children that love me so what is wrong with me, Am I really that crazy, Is it normal to hate yourself that much

I struggle with self-hatred too. I even mutter it out loud over and over. You've had a terrible time with your birth parents and your adoptive parents so i think it is only natural that you'd struggle with feelings of rejection. Our parents have a powerful effect on us. We're just innocent, vulnerable children and their behavior can wound us so easily. It sounds like you've moved on to have your own family and that that is going better with your loving children. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to hate yourself. Have you had any therapy about your early experiences? DBT? It sounds like you really want to feel better and have the insight to make some progress. I hope you get some help. Not sure if this was too helpful -- your post really moved me and i wanted to offer some support but i'm no professional. I hope things go better for you! You deserve to be happy!

Originally Posted by apfei

I struggle with self-hatred too. I even mutter it out loud over and over. You've had a terrible time with your birth parents and your adoptive parents so i think it is only natural that you'd struggle with feelings of rejection. Our parents have a powerful effect on us. We're just innocent, vulnerable children and their behavior can wound us so easily. It sounds like you've moved on to have your own family and that that is going better with your loving children. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to hate yourself. Have you had any therapy about your early experiences? DBT? It sounds like you really want to feel better and have the insight to make some progress. I hope you get some help. Not sure if this was too helpful -- your post really moved me and i wanted to offer some support but i'm no professional. I hope things go better for you! You deserve to be happy!

Thank you for your kind words and support, I have not had therapy with my past child hood issues but next week I have a appointment with a therapist that deals with trauma, I would also like to try that dbt that you mentioned, I am sorry you suffer with this also, My children love me and get worried about me, I am just going to focous my intention on them, They are the people in my life that love me unconditionally, And I love them so much