[Robyn51]

Right now I feel so unattractive, hopeless and pointless. I'm trying so hard to get better. At the moment I'm struggling with psychotic depression. I'm not psychotic all of the time but I'm having episodes where nothing is logical and the voices and signs etc are overwhelming. Other than that the depression is crippling. I'm scared that my partner will leave me, and on the other hand I feel like she doesn't always meet my needs and can't care enough because I drain her too much, I get angry at myself and then I get angry at her. I think about leaving her to save us both the trouble.. But I couldn't ever imagine my life without her

Possible trigger:

so then I just feel like ending my life, but then feel selfish and guilty for the pain I would cause her. It's only been a month since my last attempt and she didn't take it well. I didn't mean for it to happen... Well I did. I just didn't mean to get that low and out of control that I felt I had no options left.

I'm feeling that life would be easier for all involved if I just didn't have anything to do with anyone. Not even her. No more let down on my part. No more disappointment when she doesn't reach my expectations. No more having to pretend that I'm ok just to spare an evening. No more forcing myself to have a good day just so that my relationship doesn't fall to pieces or so that I don't hurt her feelings or make her feel not good enough.

And then I think... "Just shut up and be grateful for everything you have and stop thinking so much"

Why can't I just be normal??

This is so frustrating :-(

[Cavegirl]

All I can do is offer you a hug. I am in a similar situation myself. I can feel your pain Robyn. This disorder is exhausting.