[Chuva]

As I mentioned before, I've been waiting a month for my pdoc to refer me to a new therapist. He's not replying to my messages (apparently not even reading them, as I write him on Whatsapp – on his express request), and he's very rude when I call him. He keeps saying he's going to give me an answer "later today". He's been saying this for a couple of weeks.

I'm so tired of this situation I sometimes feel like I don't even care anymore. Yesterday I was completely dissociated and indifferent, I also tried self-harming but was unable to for various reasons and anyway I couldn't feel a thing, not even pain when holding an ice cube in my hand.

I have an appointment with him on Monday and I'd like to tell him what I think of this behavior, but I don't know if I'll be able to, as I've become so numb and indifferent, although at times when I'm not dissociated I'm desperate.

I feel like he doesn't want to help me for some reasons, probably because he doesn't think I'm an interesting enough patient, as I've never tried to kill myself unlike many borderlines, and nowadays I rarely self-harm at all. So I feel like he's just not interested because my case is not serious enough. My bf says if that was the case he would have told me, which might be true, but I don't understand what's going on here.

I can't go somewhere else because this is the second best center for BPD here, and the first one is too far from here (this one is very far, too, but feasible).

I feel like I'm hopeless, and I get worse and worse. I can't even say what I'm feeling anymore, I just don't feel anything most of the time – or I feel too much and have suicidal thoughts.

[Anrea]

Understandably, you are obsessing about this.

Hugs.

Of course tell your Dr. you obsessed about it, and had all kinds of different thoughts, including self harm but couldn't go there (progress, good job!).

Nothing in the world that you can do will make him any quicker about finding you a therapist. He probably plans on getting that done Monday. Maybe he has more questions for you. Finding the right fit is HUGE!

<3 Try to lighten up and love yourself. Laugh for no reason when you read this. And get up and decide you are going to have a great day and go for the goal.

Best of luck to you, seriously. Turning to psych central is a great way to deal. I do it too, and it really helps to keep me focused on the right choices.

[Chuva]

Thanks Anrea, but I wouldn't say I'm actually obsessing about this. Or maybe I am, but I have good reason to. I'm feeling extremely bad and it's hard to stay a month without therapy, especially when the last therapist was so incompetent. Believe me, it's not easy.

[Fuzzybear]