Need advice/ insight for a friendship ending TW

Yes. You have to let go of her, move on, get better and then you will meet someone better suited to you. Before I did Dbt I was in some hot water.

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[QUOTE=hazn;5242014]Even if she contacts you (and, there's a good chance she will eventually), I would suggest not engaging. Why? Because neither of you are capable of having a healthy relationship at this point. The breakdown of the friendship isn't your fault, or her fault, it's both of your faults. But even if you did everything right and ignored the fact you are a person and that you have your own needs, I can guarantee it still would have ended badly. Because everything you have said suggested she isn't friend material.

Also, I hope you are working on your self-esteem and codependency to save yourself from getting into situations such as this again. I've gone through something similar (you can check out some of my old threads), so I know how difficult this kind of thing can be. But with hard work you can overcome it and become a better and stronger person.

If you take emotions out of this, I think you know this person is toxic for y

[QUOTE=Mimi17;5243653]

Well I did. I finally got rid of her pictures. I had to because almost everyday I'd look at them and I knew it would stall my recovery.

Trust me, you did the right thing!

I am glad to hear it, I know this is hard. You can start a no contact thread if you want. I have read that in abuse recovery community that people count time like alcoholics do in terms of sobriety, the reason being that being in an abusive relationship produces a chemical addiction like drugs or alcohol do.

I've read about that too. It did happen to me because I was addicted to her like a drug. Whenever I tried to stop talking to her, she'd message me or I break down and message her. I've been crossing out the days that I started no contact starting on the 12th. 10 days so far. My goal is to last at least 50-60 days of NC and I want to keep it going and heal fully.

That is awesome and I'm glad you recognize this. In my case sometimes I go NC with my ex but I can't remain NC with my ex because we have a child. In my FOO case I went NC until my birthday . My brother has called me since then but since he did not leave a message I did not call him back. I suspect he called me to talk to me about my upcoming deposition but since he did not confirm that I have no reason to call him back.

I hope that was useful. I may start a NC thread if you want to participate.

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It is useful and thank you so much! I would love to participate. If I ever start to break down/ have the urge to contact her, I'll check in and you or someone else can talk me out of it.

I know. Yesterday I kept thinking about how disrespectful she was to me throughout the last year and a half and I just said "f*** it" and deleted them. It felt liberating.

Ok I will do that, mine will have to do with my ex husband and FOO however anyone will be welcome to participate. I'll do it here on the BPD forum.

Sounds good.

It's up

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Been awhile. Wanted to check-in and update everyone. I'm still healing and have started to enjoy my hobbies again. Haven't felt like this since I first met my ex friend. I know I've been updating and kept saying the same thing over and over but I can't believe I went through all that. I never thought I'd be so codependent on someone who was absolutely cruel to me and I didn't want to lose her at the time. I'm not as angry at her as I was before. I no longer have the feeling to talk to her. I just hope she is doing better and if she's with anyone, hope they're doing ok too. Meaning they're managing her mood swings, ect.

Good to hear that you're doing better. As you start to feel better, you may have the urge to contact her and see how she is doing. My advice would be not to do that. Don't spend too much of your time thinking about her, she certainly isn't thinking about you.

Hi Rocky and thanks for the update. I would encourage you to look at your language: codependent on. A good start is to admit we are powerless over other people. I'll send you a pm.

Oh I know she isn't. She lives in NY and I heard about what happend over there. I was going to message her to see if she's ok but I know deep down she could care less if I check on her or not so I decided not to.

What did happen in NY?

Some guy planted bombs there and in one New Jersey. He's already been caught.

Ok thanks, I guess I'd better look it up.