Should I admit myself to a psychward

So I've been pretty bad for about a month now. Been constantly suicidal and hurting myself. I have borderline personality disorder, but I believe I may be going through some kind of emotional breakdown. I've been denied hospitalization twice now, due to my diagnosis. However, I feel I cannot keep myself safe. Just today I tried to OD and hang myself but my dad stopped me. Been down A&E about 4 or 5 times now due to suicidal thoughts. I've also been under the crisis team about 3 times. Constantly going round in circles of getting better for a little while then dropping again, and needing to be under the crisis team again. I don;t know why I do it, I'm just in so much pain. This is the most pain I think I've ever been in. My dad said he's gonna speak to the guy who denied me hospitalization since he can't handle my outbursts anymore, and he can't keep me on suicide watch 24/7. He believes a hospital will be able to fully take care of me. The mental health staff tell me I'm too young to go into hospital, that I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm 19.

Am I making a wrong decision? I'm scared I'll regret it, as I'll be with people who have no insight. Unlike me with full insight, yet extremely suicidal. I still have the chance to ask my dad not to speak to the guy. However, I feel that if I don't go in hospital I may seriously hurt myself. I need some advice with this.

Did you see a psychiatrist in A&E? Is your crisis team community psychiatric nurses or social workers? Different types of people have different permissions to admit patients to a mental hospital, called 'sectioning'. Usually only doctors can. A good way would be to see your GP who can then speak to a consultant on the phone and discuss what's best for you. There are also different criteria depending on where you present, like in a GP surgery or a community setting. See if you can get a GP appointment and post back and let us know how you are!

I've been seen by both psychiatrists and social workers. The ones at A&E are happy to put me in hospital, however then they talk to the crisis team staff. And they are the ones that say no. The crisis team are a mix of psychiatrists and social workers. There is one psychiatrist in particular who constantly says a definite no to hospitalization. (he's the one my dad will be speaking to tomorrow) The others discourage it, but don;t mind finding me a bed if I insist. However they are always stopped by that one guy who constantly denies me

That sounds so frustrating. Here are the rules Being sectioned (England)
So I would try and get your GP to talk to someone in your crisis team who's willing to help. Hope you get what you need.

You can only be sectioned if you don't agree to go in voluntarily. It is really hard to be admitted with BPD...I've had a similar experience with the crisis team. Some agreeing I need hospital, others sayingI don't. Unfortunately the crisis team are the"gateway" to hospital. They decide who need the beds. I have found if I keep pushing for it they eventually let me in. It is hard though, and certainly not immediate.

I don't understand why u are trying so hard to get to the hospital. You know that as a BPD you will probably be treated badly (my exp). You will probably just sit there until u get bored to tears and then sleep. (My exp). They already know your dx and so they will do nothing to help (my exp). Again it is not the Hilton.

It's not that I want to be there. It's just that I constantly want to die. Everyday. I feel it's my last option. Before I end up actually killing myself.

Update: Well they said no to admission. They told me I'm capable of controlling myself. Yeah sure, if you call constant suicide attempts 'control' Oh well. Guess I'm back to square one. Maybe this is a sign I should off myself.

I think what they mean is that u r not delusional or hallucinating. Someone is not bringing you in you are capable of bringing yourself in. They need the beds for people that the police are bringing in. They know your brain is not in some far away place hearing voices or hallucinating. I think what they are saying is even though you are suicidal you know it. A person like above can't control themselves because they are not in reality trying to kill themselves. This is the excuse they always gave me. I will still hospitalized on numerous occasions. I think this may be the reason but if you are attempting it does not make sense.