[offroad711]

First time posting. I will give a little background before asking my question. Have doubt with BPD for many years. My life became unmanageable and would say my BPD symptoms came to light just over 10 years ago when my best friend committed suicide. Went into a depression I had never experienced, my alcoholism quickly became very destructive and have doubt with major depression ever since. Also anger, panic attacks, anxiety, etc. Now I was prescribed every mood stabilizer antidepressant etc with no help and horrible side effects most doctors wanted to dx me as bipolar for years until a therapist who noticed the abandonment issues suggested I was BPD. Then went to a specialist for a in depth dx and they agreed. The one thing that has helped is about two years ago I started receiving ketamine infusions. These helped with my depression like nothing else and may have played a part in me finally getting sober. I have just over 500 days sobriety which I never thought would ever happen and was pretty sure I was destined to do something really nuts and end up in jail or dead. Not sure what happened but after 6 years of constantly relapsing something clicked and I hold my sobriety more sacred then anything else. After I got a year sobriety I figured I might be around for a while and decided to lose weight so I lost 40lbs. So overall everything is much better but I still deal with these major depression episodes every week to ten days depending on what is going on. Again the ketamine has helped significantly at times.

Well 15 days ago I had a really bad accident. I am a major dare devil motorcycles dirt bikes etc etc. I was in a truck off-roading the axle broke, went into a violent roll got ejected (seatbelt retractor was broken so I had taken it off-YES very very stupid). Broke back in four spots, broke ribs, collar bone, punctured lungs, slashed my spleen and major concussion (head bleed from hitting rock). Had some weird side effects like I feel dizzy, light headed, just feel like I am drunk momentarily. The truth is I really like this feeling because it reminds me of being drunk and have spoke with my sponsor in depth about this. Finally here is the weird thing I have not had one depression episode even given the circumstances. I am in more pain then I ever have been in my life. Very limited what I can do for quite a while. Cannot go to gym, hiking, dog for walk, all things I did practically every day. Cannot even sleep in a bed. Usually my mind could with all my will power fighting still go into this negative hopeless state again on average once a week to 10 days. Can last a few hours or two days (three days at most). Suicidal thoughts you name it. Since the accident 15 days not a thing! Feel like sometimes I am going that way when I think about the recovery, pain, etc. but then my mind goes to the positive side instead of the negative obsession. Have very little if any anxiety as well really just feel really relaxed which is unusual for any period of time.

So my question is as stupid as this may seem I have read all kinds of things about someone having a concussion and then having negative issues, anger, etc. What about someone like me with BPD then having a concussion and knocking something straight?? By no means am I accepting this as a permanent transition (I pray it could be), but I am realistic. Other people have said maybe it is the near death experience, but I honestly have had quite a few of those over the years so I really do not think that is it. Although after the pain I have been through, I have decided to take my safety much more seriously selling my motorcycle/dirtbike, will not race things with out a roll cage safety harnesses, helmet. So wanted to share and hopefully gets some peoples input. Sorry for the book.

[Unrigged64072835]

I know of people having strokes and having their personality change. If it's true with concussions I don't know.