Strange PTSD-like flashbacks over breakup...? Severly struggling

I don't know why but I seem to be having PTSD-like flashbacks over the breakup with my ex of 4 years from nearly 6 months ago. At first I thought "yeah, they're just memories...it's normal to feel sad over a breakup." But these have gotten way, way worse. These memories of him and I together are triggered by almost everything. They flash through my head uncontrollably and make me extremely anxious and depressed, and it often leads to a severe breakdown. For example, I could be watching a movie that takes place in NYC (where my ex and I lived together) and these memories will start flashing through my head and making me anxious.

Sometimes all it takes is me being physically held by my current boyfriend to trigger these states of panic. It suddenly feels as though I'm seriously back with my ex in NYC, and sometimes have strange "daydreams" that I don't really control in which I'm walking down the block in our neighborhood back in NYC. I want to cry as I write this. It makes me avoid physical contact more, isolate more, and in general not leave the house as much for fear of outside triggers. Even eating foods that I first tried with my ex can trigger me. I miss my ex terribly and he was not only a partner to me, but a very father-like figure. I have inner child problems and he filled the void and gave me the nurture I needed for years. It's not the same with my current boyfriend. I love him but it isn't like it was with my ex and I'm absolutely devastated. I want to go back to him so often, but I'm terrified because while I was living with him, my fear of abandonment was more severe than ever because of how MUCH I relied on him for nurture. I had frequent panic attacks while he was at work. After this whole breakup happened, going back with him would mean that my fear of abandonment would be tripled in comparison to before, which I can't even imagine. I'm in so so so much pain. I've had 4 severe breakdowns over my ex in this past week alone, which I have written on my DBT diary card. Two of them were yesterday. I cried and cried and could not sleep well at all. I have therapy this afternoon and I hope to god she can help me with this because this is becoming far too much for me to handle in a safe manner. I hope I don't cry during therapy when I talk about it. I can't function in my current relationship while experiencing this. Was I this traumatized by the breakup? My old psychiatrist in nyc told me shortly after I was diagnosed with BPD that I'm more susceptible to developing trauma from events other people would not necessarily be traumatized from. This actually hurts worse than when my mom abandoned our family nearly a decade ago, when I was a kid.

I can really relate to what you are experiencing.

Maybe what is triggering it is something is not clicking with your new bf, making you think the former bf was better than he really was.

Sweety i absolutely understand you because i am going trough now almost a breakup. We still live together but he needs time to think if we gonna be able to have a future because of my BPD. I completely understand your pain girl because i am going trough so much pain right now and it seems that nobody gets it and, it feels that i am so alone and sad all the time. Honestly i don't know what the best advice to give you except to be strong and pray to God to give you the strength and peace of mind and heart which you need. Trust me i completely understand your pain dear, you are not alone.

Feel free to email me or anything else you need.We need a cry shoulder and support so, i am here if you need to talk more about

Wish you the best and know that there are others which gets your pain and you are not alone.

Thank you for the support. It feels good to know that you can relate to what seems like a very very similar situation. It feels so awful to think that your relationship could possibly not work out in the future due to your mental illness alone. I'm really trying to work on myself to get better and stop my self destructive behaviors but I've been ill for so many years and I'm afraid he won't be able to put up with it before I get better. I wish you the best of luck as well, with your situation. Thanks for offering to talk over email too.

Have you grieved for this past relationship? A loss of a relationship is still a loss and it needs to be mourned.

I'm grieving now. I didn't get full closure on anything that had happened until very recently. My therapist told me last week that because of how oddly my relationship ended that I didn't get a chance to grieve about it properly. It makes sense. I'm trying my best to accept what's happened, and move on.

Significant breakups are extremely traumatic to us, IMO. I know I cannot take more than a few in my life. I never completely recover - each one kills/breaks/warps me to an alarming extent.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

Never give up and never loose faith. It's gonna take a lot of work and time but, have faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Those who truly love and care about will stay no matter what, just have lots of patience, work on yourself every day and enjoy every single moment, don't regret nothing because things happen for a reason.
I recently signed up for a DBT training skill and i know with lots of effort and believe, it will get better.

I wish you the best and again, NEVER GIVE UP.

You are a beautiful soul who deserves love, respect, happiness.

I dont have it as extreme as you but so many things cause me deep pain. I see a can of tuna.and I get sad cos I used to make him tuna salad, how ridiculous lol. I see so many cars exactly like his mazda and I get shakey and miss him. So many little things all day long that cause unpleasant deep emotional pain ������

Every song, every world event that happened, every moment of the past two decades were with my h. I have no where to run to escape the painful memories of this failed marriage.

They say it takes twice as long as the relationship to get over it. That means I'll be over this forty years from now. I'll be 90. I'm never recovering from this heartbreak.

I think it's important to remember the reality of the relationship. There was a reason for the break up. Obviously things weren't peachy anymore. There were problems. I tend to remember only the good times, the good memories, when in reality there were lots of bad as well. Sometimes a good friend can set me straight by reminding me of the not so stellar moments and I go, oh yeah I remember that and I get a jolt of reality. Rereading old journals can remind me of the not so good moments too, also old photos. Relationships are made up of good and bad experiences but so often we glamourize the past and it is fictitious, not true. When my Mother remembers my step-father who dies she looks wistfully and daydreams about all these character traits of a noble man that never existed. He was a jerk. Yes he's dead but he wasn't a nice man. Yet her memory of him is built on illusion. I think it's her mind's way of coping with the loss. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism to deal with the tragedy.