[Rosie90]

Hello, I was just wondering on what the opinion is on here of women with BPD becoming mothers?
I was diagnosed with BPD a year after having my daughter.
I have never done anything to hurt my child and I give her all the love I have.
But when my mood is low and I start to get snappy I feel like a terrible mother. Sometimes I think that maybe people like me aren't supposed to have children.
What are your views on this?
Whenever I have looked online for other mothers with BPD all I can find are constant articals or forums on how awful they are and how they ruined their child's life.
I know a lot of women with BPD can become terrible mothers but what about the ones that despite their problems are raising happy children? Surely there must be some out there? Or am I destined to become a monster that my daughter will hate?
I would really appreciate the help as I am feeling overwhelmed with guilt.

Report to moderator 86.182.163.119

[Icare dixit]

I think BPD may confuse a child. That's why I think it's a good idea to explain your behaviour (at times) as soon as possible.

But I don't think it's inevitably a problem. I think it might be good to try and limit both your expression of love (to some extent) as well as the expression of frustration, confusion, anxiety and fear, balancing the positive and the negative. Expressing emotions is good, but how they are expressed is critical. It's helpful for yourself as well as your child.

BPD is (very, very likely to be) partially genetic, so that may explain the possible difficulties a child may have growing up, not the parenting.

I think we can be great parents.

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by Rosie90

Hello, I was just wondering on what the opinion is on here of women with BPD becoming mothers?
I was diagnosed with BPD a year after having my daughter.
I have never done anything to hurt my child and I give her all the love I have.
But when my mood is low and I start to get snappy I feel like a terrible mother. Sometimes I think that maybe people like me aren't supposed to have children.
What are your views on this?
Whenever I have looked online for other mothers with BPD all I can find are constant articals or forums on how awful they are and how they ruined their child's life.
I know a lot of women with BPD can become terrible mothers but what about the ones that despite their problems are raising happy children? Surely there must be some out there? Or am I destined to become a monster that my daughter will hate?
I would really appreciate the help as I am feeling overwhelmed with guilt.

Report to moderator 86.182.163.119

All I know is when you have a child here in the USA a mother like me was put on the radar for child protection services so I was always under the microscope. Eventually my children were removed because they believed that women with BPD emotionally abuse and neglect their children. I was in therapy to be the best mom I could be and dumb me I was letting a mental health professional know my weaknesses and then she stood up in court and read them off. Foster care did a lot more damage then I could have ever done. My sons were put with a foster family of alcoholics. One son ended up in the hospital with stomach surgery. Just take this as a caution. Watch was you disclose in therapy.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm a mom who has BPD(amongst other things). It did make it hard for me, but I raised my daughter the best I could on my own (mostly). She has turned out to be a smart, mature young woman with a great sense of humor. So it isn't all bad.

[Apokolips]

Unfortunatly "nothing bad happened" makes for terrible headlines. Of course you'll only see negative views in the media.

[zijax]

I wasn't dxed until years after I had given birth. I struggled with being a Mom but I loved my boys through it all. I have a great relationship with them now. the fathers not so good. I think love is the answer not some diagnosis.

[Travelinglady]

I also wasn't diagnosed until after I had children. My two sons have turned out well. I put them both in therapy and got major therapy myself, including two DBT experiences. I was a high-functioning BPD person, and I'm no longer considered to have the diagnosis. So, I don't think I would always say "no."

Welcome to Psych Central, Rosie90!

[shezbut]

((((Rosie)))))

Welcome to Psych Central, but I'm sorry that you're struggling with guilt and self-blame. I can relate to that as well. I like to think that most parents in this world (regardless of their mental health) struggle with these concepts from time to time. None of us are perfect, as parents, and we *all* make mistakes. Try to remind yourself of that little factoid whenever you begin kicking yourself really hard, okay?

My diagnosis of BPD came when my 2 girls were around 3-4 years old. I REALLY struggled in those years, and I kicked myself all over for being so emotional. I explained the situation to them often, and they quickly forgave me. But, yeah, I had a hard time forgiving myself for having such a tough time "loosening up".

Anyway: my girls are 14 and 12 y.o. now. Growing up so fast! They're also in pretty good emotional shape. Try not to worry too much. As long as your child/ren sees that you care and take the time to apologize and explain that you were feeling pretty emotional. You may go on to say that you're working on techniques to help you work through your emotions in a healthier way too. That's good ~ they can appreciate that!

Gentle hugs sent your way.

[TishaBuv]

I didn't exhibit any symptoms of BPD until after my three sons were born. My trigger issue is with my husband. My parenting and relationship with my now nearly all grown sons is excellent. I'm sure there are different degrees of severity of the disorder.

If there was such a thing as someone was not allowed to have children, I'd have a huge issue with that and fight to protect those women's rights.

[StarBlue]

Who is doing the *allowing*?

[technigal]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

Who is doing the *allowing*?

No one has the right to decide who can and cannot have children. I think governments have learned their lesson with forced sterilisation in the past. Some people may choose not to have children but that is a different matter.