[StarBlue]

How quickly do you go from 0 to 1000?

Do you have an extremely low tolerance for frustration where you go ballistic at the slightest perceived provocation?

Do you read people and their nuances, inflections get frustrated and go off like a set fuse?

Is your temper like a hair trigger? The slightest slight can set you off? You try to keep a lid on it but button pushers will do it and you're off on a bloody tangent?

[Erro]

Hello, StarBlue.

I tend to get annoyed then angry very quickly when someone is disingenuous.
Most of the time it is because I analyze peoples words and bodylanguage and past action, where viable.
When they don't align, the muddy hill ices over and I go flying down that slope again.

However, I usually suppress the rage and manage to take it out on myself later if I can't somehow shut off the rumination.

So I suppose all of the above.
0-1000 in about 5 mins, but not so much obvious by my outward reaction.

How about you StarBlue?
You never answered your question.

[TishaBuv]

Yeah, even this question asked with the OP seemingly having no point sparked my very short fuse.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

How quickly do you go from 0 to 1000?

That can depend upon a variety of things in a given situation, but I can go from 250 (already tense) to 750 (just short of explosion) in a heartbeat. I had a problem at a pharmacy today, and I went from 0 to 250 just as soon as I learned of the problem...then ultimately held at about 500 while stifling anger at least enough to continue trying to address the problem.

Originally Posted by StarBlue

Do you have an extremely low tolerance for frustration where you go ballistic at the slightest perceived provocation?

That used to be a big problem, but I have done a lot of work at learning (and learning how) to replace self-destructive, self-defeating attitudes and actions in favor of others that will at least not help drive me to complete meltdown or collapse.

Originally Posted by StarBlue

Do you read people and their nuances, inflections get frustrated and go off like a set fuse?

My deal is more like getting frustrated and worked up over people living in or acting out what I call "story problems" rather than being clear-minded, factual, logical and methodical. For example: I had gone to the pharmacy to pick up a med, then someone there said "The insurance company said 'No.'" My response? "The insurance company has no say in the matter and I have ordered the med! Is it ready?" If is fine with me if the pharmacist were to say "We can fill it, but the insurance company will not pay", but please do not insult me with something like "We can fill it, but you will have to pay." I want to hear only the facts preceding that kind of statement and then I can figure that part out all by myself...and that is what took me from 250 to 500 with 750 on the horizon earlier today.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

How quickly do you go from 0 to 1000?

Do you have an extremely low tolerance for frustration where you go ballistic at the slightest perceived provocation?

Do you read people and their nuances, inflections get frustrated and go off like a set fuse?

Is your temper like a hair trigger? The slightest slight can set you off? You try to keep a lid on it but button pushers will do it and you're off on a bloody tangent?

I'll answer just for the record.

I have great tolerance for frustration with most things and can navigate those situations to work them out. My fuse is selective, reactive to a specific issue in my life with my husband and sometimes mother (the button pushers).

I read people, looking for clues, I am hyper vigilant about reading between the lines. But I only go off emotionally when I perceive they have pushed my button which again, happens with those few button pusher people close to me or rarely with others, when they truly deserve it. Although i went off on something the psych said and he said I misunderstood, which I didn't think I ever do, and I apologized.

No, my temper is not hair trigger, and mostly I will internalize my bad mood directing my anger at myself, sulking by myself, crying, self harming. It kills me to go off on others and I hate myself for it.

[StarBlue]

Most of the time I have zero tolerance and great frustration rises out of my fury of not being heard, understood who by sheer not listening due to their shortcomings and who due to being in some kind of zombie/robotic/beaurocratic stance where the other person is typically stymied (in this case myself) and patronized. That will cause me to implode. Another aspect of this is where people who think they know better about a topic they have no experience with trying to force me to believe something that has no bearing on the truth - truth being that written in stone and proven in theory, mathematics and science, but they insist that their version of reality needs to be mine.

Also those who would force me to live in a certain way by attempting to disempower me in some way, or trying to minimize my point of view - these will lead to a variable in frustration - but not as much as not being heard. And mind you, this is in real life - on the internet I have no problem with any of it. It may be due to sensory processing as well, which would explain this phenomenon. Certain tones, voices, noises - will do it - big time.

Originally Posted by Erro

Hello, StarBlue.

I tend to get annoyed then angry very quickly when someone is disingenuous.
Most of the time it is because I analyze peoples words and bodylanguage and past action, where viable.
When they don't align, the muddy hill ices over and I go flying down that slope again.

However, I usually suppress the rage and manage to take it out on myself later if I can't somehow shut off the rumination.

So I suppose all of the above.
0-1000 in about 5 mins, but not so much obvious by my outward reaction.

How about you StarBlue?
You never answered your question.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

Most of the time I have zero tolerance and great frustration rises out of my fury of not being heard, understood [by people] who by sheer not listening due to their shortcomings and who due to being in some kind of zombie/robotic/bureaucratic stance where the other person is typically stymied (in this case myself) and patronized...

Another aspect of this is where people who think they know better about a topic they have no experience with trying to force me to believe something that has no bearing on the truth...

Also those who would force me to live in a certain way by attempting to dis-empower me in some way, or trying to minimize my point of view...

Exactly, but now this morning the pharmacist whose words and actions nearly drove me to 750 yesterday has completed a perfect job in his part of dealing with yesterday's original problem...and there is where I try to make copious notes (at least mentally) for later reference and as reminders the next time something comes up. I had been planning to switch pharmacies today, but now I will remain where I was while simply keeping the new one in mind as an alternative.

[StarBlue]

Do you think this is related to Asperger's? It doesn't seem that common among the various personality disorders but more to do with as I wrote with sensory processing. It's usually on the phone that this happens - and I've been known in recent times to go ballistic with the text-read replies by those manning the phones.
Some noises will also drive me to insanity almost automatically. I know there's a name for that - and I definitely have it - but coupled with deciphering people and not being heard - it's just over the top and pretty much why I don't engage with people at all at this point. It's just too exhausting.

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Exactly, but now this morning the pharmacist whose words and actions nearly drove me to 750 yesterday has completed a perfect job in his part of dealing with yesterday's original problem...and there is where I try to make copious notes (at least mentally) for later reference and as reminders the next time something comes up. I had been planning to switch pharmacies today, but now I will remain where I was while simply keeping the new one in mind as an alternative.

[StarBlue]

Makes sense. I can relate to most of what you wrote. I will also feel somewhat (depending on the situation of course) remorseful that I did not handle it in a better, less emotional way. But a lot of this has to do with not caving to the consensus of stupidity and dumbing down and aiming to elevate any interaction if just with a bit more intelligence. If people read from a pre-written script and use that to reply to me - there is no way I can keep my sanity. It's being in the matrix and being treated like a case number - not a human being.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I'll answer just for the record.

I have great tolerance for frustration with most things and can navigate those situations to work them out. My fuse is selective, reactive to a specific issue in my life with my husband and sometimes mother (the button pushers).

I read people, looking for clues, I am hyper vigilant about reading between the lines. But I only go off emotionally when I perceive they have pushed my button which again, happens with those few button pusher people close to me or rarely with others, when they truly deserve it. Although i went off on something the psych said and he said I misunderstood, which I didn't think I ever do, and I apologized.

No, my temper is not hair trigger, and mostly I will internalize my bad mood directing my anger at myself, sulking by myself, crying, self harming. It kills me to go off on others and I hate myself for it.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

Do you think this is related to Asperger's? It doesn't seem that common among the various personality disorders but more to do with as I wrote with sensory processing...
Some noises will also drive me to insanity almost automatically...coupled with deciphering people and not being heard - it's just over the top and pretty much why I don't engage with people at all at this point. It's just too exhausting.

Yes, I do think my neurological wiring is why I look for, expect and/or assume factual, no-nonsense, goal-driven communication rather than all that other stuff, but then things can become a bit blurry for me while trying to sort how and why I react as I do. My first-ever meltdown was at about age 12, but even then I willfully took it farther (made it bigger) than it might have gone on its own after realizing it was going to help me get something I wanted. That kind of manipulation would not be a matter of mental health, of course, but I do think some of my inability to process things and develop better social plans and interactions comes from more than just my having an Aspie brain.

[TishaBuv]

Dealing with people in business and red tape kind of stuff, I see it as me getting concisely to the point and keeping it very simple. I know that person is just trying to do their job. Much of the time, I find myself just telling them what to do in a nice way and it works. I act like I am on their side and try to make their job easier for them. It always gets me the best possible service.

It's funny with sounds... I am very conscious of sounds, especially music. Bad background music drives me nuts, especially music that is on a loop and repeats. But, I have tuned out sounds like my kids' bickering and high pitched shreiks while driving in the car. My h said the pitch was breaking his ear drums and I wasn't even aware of it.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Dealing with people in business and red tape kind of stuff, I see it as me getting concisely to the point and keeping it very simple. I know that person is just trying to do their job. Much of the time, I find myself just telling them what to do in a nice way and it works. I act like I am on their side and try to make their job easier for them. It always gets me the best possible service.

That works when it works, but I just came from the pharmacy where one of the staff was acting more like an adversary than an advocate. The pharmacists there are able to make some price adjustments when coming up with cash prices where insurance will not pay, and she tried to get me to believe a 30% increase from last month to this month was because of fluctuating prices rather than because a particular pharmacist had not been considerate like that. I remained cool because we were only talking about $7.00, but I did tell her I will be curious to hear what she might have to say next month when my regular pharmacist gives me the lower price.

[Trippin2.0]

My fuse is very selective, I can restrain myself and eat a lot of shyt under certain circumstances (like say work and my crappyass moody manager who takes out her moods on me) as opposed to someone physically attacking me, or someone deliberately being condescending... There are just certain buttons you don't push with me, it can land you embarrassed or in hospital.

My daughter asked me to get a handle on my fuse though, so its been a focal point of my therapy and I must say, I am damn proud of myself.

[StarBlue]

To get a handle on my fuse, I totally have to be medicated or in an altered state to *go along with* that thing in opposition. Though sometimes - rarely - there'll be some music or vibe that will ease everything along without the need to create an altered state of mind.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

My fuse is very selective, I can restrain myself and eat a lot of shyt under certain circumstances (like say work and my crappyass moody manager who takes out her moods on me) as opposed to someone physically attacking me, or someone deliberately being condescending... There are just certain buttons you don't push with me, it can land you embarrassed or in hospital.

My daughter asked me to get a handle on my fuse though, so its been a focal point of my therapy and I must say, I am damn proud of myself.

[StarBlue]

Those are times when I completely shut down and go meek, silent and just nod, keeping all conversation at the barest of minimums. Having little energy anyway I'm not going to waste it going one on one with a bureaucrat. Give me my stuff and adios muchachos.

Originally Posted by leejosepho

That works when it works, but I just came from the pharmacy where one of the staff was acting more like an adversary than an advocate. The pharmacists there are able to make some price adjustments when coming up with cash prices where insurance will not pay, and she tried to get me to believe a 30% increase from last month to this month was because of fluctuating prices rather than because a particular pharmacist had not been considerate like that. I remained cool because we were only talking about $7.00, but I did tell her I will be curious to hear what she might have to say next month when my regular pharmacist gives me the lower price.

[StarBlue]

That's great if it's do-able, meaning the circumstances - yours, theirs and the environment's are all meshing and working in tandem for the greatest good. In this case - getting the job done with the least amount of pain.

It's rare and getting rarer because everyone's dealing with something and someone is always looking to unload their burden on someone else, typically something I am acutely aware of - my past is one of those where it was done frequently - so I am uber and hyper sensitive to even the slightest of nuances in that direction - this is what usually sets me off. I said a long time ago and stuck with it - blood, guts and scars included for visual proof - that I will never again be at the receiving end of someone's attempts at disempowering me. And you'd be surprised at how covert this can be at times. I do choose my battles though. And hanging the phone up in the middle of this kind of maneuver is useful.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Dealing with people in business and red tape kind of stuff, I see it as me getting concisely to the point and keeping it very simple. I know that person is just trying to do their job. Much of the time, I find myself just telling them what to do in a nice way and it works. I act like I am on their side and try to make their job easier for them. It always gets me the best possible service.

It's funny with sounds... I am very conscious of sounds, especially music. Bad background music drives me nuts, especially music that is on a loop and repeats. But, I have tuned out sounds like my kids' bickering and high pitched shreiks while driving in the car. My h said the pitch was breaking his ear drums and I wasn't even aware of it.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

Those are times when I completely shut down and go meek, silent and just nod, keeping all conversation at the barest of minimums. Having little energy anyway I'm not going to waste it going one on one with a bureaucrat. Give me my stuff and adios muchachos.

I commend you for being able to do that rather than grabbing one of my crutches to try to perform an attitude adjustment. I know the best way to lose in certain cases is to try to win, and I am still working at cutting my losses.

[StarBlue]

It's rare so maybe commending is not quite yet in order. Most of the time I am honing in on affects in voice on the other end and responding or scrambling to respond in accordance.

This - https://www.newscientist.com/article...-split-second/

I do this ^ all the time and can't not do it.

Originally Posted by leejosepho

I commend you for being able to do that rather than grabbing one of my crutches to try to perform an attitude adjustment. I know the best way to lose in certain cases is to try to win, and I am still working at cutting my losses.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

To get a handle on my fuse, I totally have to be medicated or in an altered state to *go along with* that thing in opposition. Though sometimes - rarely - there'll be some music or vibe that will ease everything along without the need to create an altered state of mind.

I dont need to be drugged or any other kind of altered state, it was good old plain training, training and training.

I have been learning to create windows between thought, feeling and reaction in DBT.

[StarBlue]

Interesting - I've thought about these windows - is there a methodology available anywhere - how do you do it?

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I dont need to be drugged or any other kind of altered state, it was good old plain training, training and training.

I have been learning to create windows between thought, feeling and reaction in DBT.

[when_it_rains]

If I am in pain I am much more prone to flying into a rage over something small at home, however in general when not under the influence of an emotional disturbance I can be very patient and understanding. The only thing that always drives me crazy is being ignored by the person I love and have him not value or care about my thoughts and feelings, that sends me into a terrible pit of despair and rage

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by when_it_rains

If I am in pain I am much more prone to flying into a rage over something small at home, however in general when not under the influence of an emotional disturbance I can be very patient and understanding. The only thing that always drives me crazy is being ignored by the person I love and have him not value or care about my thoughts and feelings, that sends me into a terrible pit of despair and rage

This is me, too! The conflict got pinpointed to the most specific issue and that catapulted me to the BPD traits. Otherwise I have been fine at getting through life. I got out of situations I didn't like, so I had no problems with them.

I'm not saying getting out of everything is healthy, but it worked for me. Nice work if you can get it!

[StarBlue]

Yes. I can relate to this as well. When time just slows down and the immediate response needed is in slow-mo - that will do it for me as well.

Originally Posted by when_it_rains

If I am in pain I am much more prone to flying into a rage over something small at home, however in general when not under the influence of an emotional disturbance I can be very patient and understanding. The only thing that always drives me crazy is being ignored by the person I love and have him not value or care about my thoughts and feelings, that sends me into a terrible pit of despair and rage

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by when_it_rains

If I am in pain I am much more prone to flying into a rage over something small at home, however in general when not under the influence of an emotional disturbance I can be very patient and understanding.

Same here, and there is where I try to make use of "windows"...

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

...windows between thought, feeling and [action or] reaction...

I am far from perfect at this, but I try to hold every thought captive before it can lead to an action or reaction I will ultimately regret, and then I try to discern what is actually the best course of action, if any, to take.

[Marduk70]

Originally Posted by StarBlue

How quickly do you go from 0 to 1000?
Faster than fast. Scary Fast.

Do you have an extremely low tolerance for frustration where you go ballistic at the slightest perceived provocation?
EXTREMELY low frustration tolerance

Do you read people and their nuances, inflections get frustrated and go off like a set fuse?

Is your temper like a hair trigger? The slightest slight can set you off? You try to keep a lid on it but button pushers will do it and you're off on a bloody tangent?

Yes, yes, and yes.