[Catlover93]

There's this guy who I've known for 4 years who has BPD. He's 24 and I'm 23. He's had a crush on me and has been almost obsessed with me the last 4 years. We talked on the internet only for 4 years. We've only met in person twice. I haven't seen him since October of last year. He lead me on for about 6 weeks calling me his girlfriend and acting as if we were in a relationship after he broke up with his ex gf who is the mother of his child. Ever since October he has been constantly saying how much he misses me and when I am next coming to the USA to visit him. It is very hard being Canadian and living by yourself as a young woman. This being said he had unrealistic expectations in expecting me to come down at his beck and call. Last time I had a decent conversation with him was 3 weeks ago over the phone. He was polite and respectful when I told him that I can't keep visiting him unless I get a work visa which is realistic. I also told him that I'm not comfortable with him still living with his ex gf because he can't afford child support and living by himself. A week after our phone convo I hadn't heard from him so I messaged him on facebook only to find that he ignored my message so I let it be since he wasn't online and I figured he was busy at work. 5 days after that I messaged him on facebook again and said good morning, I saw that he was online on facebook and he had appeared to read my message but didn't respond and continued to ignore me and not talk to me for another 4 days. I decided to deactivate my facebook since I was getting anxiety from it. Then I suddenly get a weird text message from him this past Sunday. He sent me an annoyed looking emoticon and I replied and said yes? what's up? And he basically said that he didn't know how to tell me that he's been seeing someone and that he doesn't want to hurt me because I'm his friend and he hates hurting friends. And the part that really got to me was that he had known the girl for years and that she makes him happy and that he's been dating her ever since she asked him out. I have no way of being able to tell if he's lying or not. Theres no proof on facebook that he's been dating anyone. I talked to his guy friend about it and his guy friend told me that he could be lying. Also the wording is really funny considering how he's known me for years and he's known me longer than any other ex gf and he's never told me about any other girl that he's known for year until now. So the fact that he says he's supposedly known this girl for years is what makes me think he's lying. He knows I get jealous and he knows my weaknesses and I think he could be trying to lie because he's angry that I kept letting him down by not coming down to visit him since October. I've been ignoring his text messages since Sunday. Just yesterday he liked about a dozen of my pictures on instagram and messaged me on there saying stop f***ing ignoring me seriously. If he was dating someone why would he care so much that I'm ignoring him and why would he go to all that trouble to message me on instagram and like my pictures? And after he told me that he was seeing someone he also said that he's leaving his ex gf and bringing his daughter with him which is very irrational since his ex gf would take him to court and fight him for child support. Could he be having an episode and just trying to Ma I pulsate me and control me? I've known this guy for four years and I still can't figure out his behaviour for the life of me. Anyone had a similar experience?

[Matt29]

I Catlover

I didn't have an experience like that but I am myself BPD and very conscious about it. About the girl, it is clearly made up. When you "let him down" about going to see him, it would normally cause anyone to feel disappointed, which is a nornal thing to feel when you want something to happen and it ends up not happening. But his ability to deal with that emotion might not be that good and probably interpreted it has "you not wanting to see him" or anything that has to do with the fact that he's not that interesting to you. We have to face the facts, his expectations are a bit unrealistic, first of all, he should clear things up in his life and then consider having a relationship. The way he told you about that other girl sounds like a fantasy.. Perhaps a version of you being available for him to be with, exposing it to you to make you feel bad about not going to see him even tho you didn't have much control over it.
Now this is not entirely intentional, tho.
I would suggest to think about what YOU want, regardless of his thoughts or reactions. Just, ideally, what would you like, you know?
And if you feel like you want to keep doing this, it'd be important to have a serious talk with him, and if he doesn't respond well, like being avoidant or defensive, then he might not be ready to have you around even tho he's been seeking your presence.

[Nammu]

Run
......

[spongie]

Hey, I really think you are hurting yourself in this relationship. I'm really sorry about it. I would advise you to take care of yourself first, and I sincerely thought when reading your post "oh gosh, she should run". But I know it's not always that easy.
But it's clearly hurting you, too much.

I send you some love, though, and courage and strength.