[Cinnamon_Stick]

I struggle with attachment to people and that constant want to push them away and/or pull them closer. Does anyone have any tips on how you deal with this?

I know why I do it. I have a severe fear of abandonment so my heart is constantly trying to protect itself. I know pushing people away is damaging to the relationship so I don’t act on those urges but the constant pulling closer isn’t the best either. I am trying to find a heathy balance and BPD makes things so much harder.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Cinnamon_Stick: Well... my all-purpose remedy for all things related to the emotions is "compassionate abiding". It is a Buddhist practice. However here is a nice mental health oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

May it be of benefit...

[smmath]

I'm not sure if you know about DBT, but I think the stop skill and checking the facts might help. When you feel the urge to push or pull these skills might help.

The stop skill stands for:

Stop-Don't move. Don't react right now. Don't let your urges and emotions take control.
Take a step back- Either physically or emotionally. Take a deep breath, you don't have to act right now.
Observe- Notice what you are feeling emotionally and physically. Just watch the sensations. If there are other people around you, observe them too.
Proceed Mindfully- Use your wise mind and think about what is the best course of action to take. Check the facts as well.

The next skill is "checking the facts." Ask yourself what is the reality of the situation? Does your action urge fit the reality or is your mind playing tricks on you? If you look up the skill, you'll get more info.

I wish you the best!

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by smmath

I'm not sure if you know about DBT, but I think the stop skill and checking the facts might help. When you feel the urge to push or pull these skills might help.

The stop skill stands for:

Stop-Don't move. Don't react right now. Don't let your urges and emotions take control.
Take a step back- Either physically or emotionally. Take a deep breath, you don't have to act right now.
Observe- Notice what you are feeling emotionally and physically. Just watch the sensations. If there are other people around you, observe them too.
Proceed Mindfully- Use your wise mind and think about what is the best course of action to take. Check the facts as well.

The next skill is "checking the facts." Ask yourself what is the reality of the situation? Does your action urge fit the reality or is your mind playing tricks on you? If you look up the skill, you'll get more info.

I wish you the best!

I am doing DBT and have a couple books on DBT. Thank you for sharing this as well. Its a very helpful distress tolerance skill and it was helpful to be reminded of it. Thank you for your encouragement!

[Arctos]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I struggle with attachment to people and that constant want to push them away and/or pull them closer. Does anyone have any tips on how you deal with this?

I know why I do it. I have a severe fear of abandonment so my heart is constantly trying to protect itself. I know pushing people away is damaging to the relationship so I don’t act on those urges but the constant pulling closer isn’t the best either. I am trying to find a heathy balance and BPD makes things so much harder.

heya, i hear ya with the struggle with attachment thing, i do the same thing with the few people i let close to me. Every day i want to push them away so i don't get hurt, yet want to pull them close because i don't want to be alone. For me its a constant source of pain. I don't have any suggestions sadly, as i have not had much luck with therapy my self, so the DBT i don't think i have even had a chance to try, though one of the above folks mentioned the "Compassionate Abiding" (my apologies I'm not very tech savvy and still figuring out how to do multiple replies etc), i personally am going to try that route, i have a suspicion i have manage to do it a few times without knowing i was doing it.....

Safe Travels.