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Old May 10, 2017, 09:07 AM
crimsoncat's Avatar
crimsoncat crimsoncat is offline
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Location: . the land of make believe
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I should know how this stuff works by now! I thought I was having an ok couple of days,apart from not being able to resist the alcohol an then the inevitable fallout then the penny dropped ,I am numb an I it i want to feel something,anything even if it's bad how can I be so in self aware stupid woman grrrrrrrr !! ,
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sometimes crimson acts like a crazy cat,
She has to remind herself, she is good and kind ...
For that's a fact. 😺


like a small boat on the ocean ,
sending big waves into motion
like how a single word,
can make a heart open,
I might have only one match
But i can make an Explosion !
Rachel. Platten. Fight song.


Member since 03/10/09 (new user name)
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  #2  
Old May 10, 2017, 02:57 PM
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subtle lights subtle lights is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 884
I'm sorry you are down
Did something happen or it's "just" the emotional rollercoaster?
  #3  
Old May 10, 2017, 03:26 PM
crimsoncat's Avatar
crimsoncat crimsoncat is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: . the land of make believe
Posts: 550
The rollercoaster,an I kind had a bit of an epiphany,have been in crisis loads lately an realized it only eases when its so overwhelming i numb out and then I further realized that that is it my two state of mind ,numb or crisis nothing else !!! It has taken 35 years to suss this out , it's no wonder I don't want to be here and can't function in this world wtf do I do ?
__________________
sometimes crimson acts like a crazy cat,
She has to remind herself, she is good and kind ...
For that's a fact. 😺


like a small boat on the ocean ,
sending big waves into motion
like how a single word,
can make a heart open,
I might have only one match
But i can make an Explosion !
Rachel. Platten. Fight song.


Member since 03/10/09 (new user name)
  #4  
Old May 10, 2017, 04:13 PM
subtle lights's Avatar
subtle lights subtle lights is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 884
I don't really know how to get out of the rollercoaster, just somehow accept and learn to ride it. And yeah, only a thought will catapult me into crisis mode sometimes.
Sometimes the only way it to wait it out, until it passes. Easy to say, I know.
I don't experiece much numbness lately, more like painful emptiness.
But I know the more calm, in between states are there too, it's possibe to reach them.
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful here...I could come with suggestions of self soothing methods but I believe you know them anyway and when in crisis, nothing really helps. Though I trust you'll find a way to self sooth, and be gentle with yourself because you deserve it
  #5  
Old May 10, 2017, 05:07 PM
crimsoncat's Avatar
crimsoncat crimsoncat is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: . the land of make believe
Posts: 550
Thankyou, painful emptiness is actually a better description of what I feel rather than numb.
__________________
sometimes crimson acts like a crazy cat,
She has to remind herself, she is good and kind ...
For that's a fact. 😺


like a small boat on the ocean ,
sending big waves into motion
like how a single word,
can make a heart open,
I might have only one match
But i can make an Explosion !
Rachel. Platten. Fight song.


Member since 03/10/09 (new user name)
Hugs from:
subtle lights
  #6  
Old May 10, 2017, 05:56 PM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Under the noise floor
Posts: 18,579
Calling yourself stupid isn't good. Be gentle with yourself. These things happen, and sometimes even we think we're in control, we're not. It's the insidiousness of this disease called BPD.
Thanks for this!
crimsoncat
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