[Ms.Lizette]

I am finding it harder and harder to keep the healthy mask on. I have tried to hide my psychological issues since I was 17, now I am 33 and for the first time properly diagnosed with BPD, and I kind of feel like starting to be honest about my condition to friends and family.

As it is now only 2 friends know + my boyfriend+ parents.

My question to you is: how open are you about BPD and how did it work to tell people about it (in case you did).

Thank you

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I am very open about it to the people I know will be in my life on a regular basis. I also give them a quick n brief education on it and let them ask any questions they want, but let them know the things which may cause me problems and how I may react when I start having problems. This way I don't deal with the stigma nor do I deal with criticism when I do start having issues (or much less than I otherwise would anyway)

If you choose to tell them - be sure to give them the brief education on it, otherwise they confuse it with other things or assume the stigma to be accurate.

I don't know for sure if I am a BPD yet but I'm assuming that I at least have traits of it but won't know for sure until I can afford to see a psychologist.

If I am BPD, I don't plan on telling anybody because quite frankly, I'm a man and there isn't anything manly about having BPD.

I want people to see me as this strong hardened survivor that has had to fight tooth and nail for his place in this world; not this pathetic excuse for a person that I am right now that gets angry and lashes out at those who reject or abandons me or sometimes cries like a little baby when I'm alone.

Screw that.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I don't know for sure if I am a BPD yet but I'm assuming that I at least have traits of it but won't know for sure until I can afford to see a psychologist.

If I am BPD, I don't plan on telling anybody because quite frankly, I'm a man and there isn't anything manly about having BPD.

I want people to see me as this strong hardened survivor that has had to fight tooth and nail for his place in this world; not this pathetic excuse for a person that I am right now that gets angry and lashes out at those who reject or abandons me or sometimes cries like a little baby when I'm alone.

Screw that.

You are fighting tooth and nail. Take a look at how far you have come already...

You are not weak. Just because you cry does not make you weak. Everyone cries sometimes. Crying is healing. It is healthy. My Dad cried - even broke totally down in tears at my mom's funeral. He was not and is not weak - but he hurt, and needed to release the emotion to heal. You are not pathetic either. Those who hurt you - those are the ones who were pathetic and weak.

You are already very much the survivor even if you don't feel like one. You came out of everything you went through - alive, both mentally and physically. Please don't judge yourself so harshly. You are better and stronger than you believe. ❤

We all are ❤

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I don't know for sure if I am a BPD yet but I'm assuming that I at least have traits of it but won't know for sure until I can afford to see a psychologist.

If I am BPD, I don't plan on telling anybody because quite frankly, I'm a man and there isn't anything manly about having BPD.

I want people to see me as this strong hardened survivor that has had to fight tooth and nail for his place in this world; not this pathetic excuse for a person that I am right now that gets angry and lashes out at those who reject or abandons me or sometimes cries like a little baby when I'm alone.

Screw that.

Hey

I really believe we are all human with similar difficulties and it doesn't matter, at all, if we are men or women.

I think no matter if you have BPD or not, or if you are open about it, your fight is valid and you are a survivor. You are not pathetic.

[Ms.Lizette]

It is good that something helped you, but it doesn't mean you should think everyone is you. I have tried to cure myself and avoid diagnosis and treatment for more than a decade, and it has only made me more confused, more suicidal and more desperate.

I don't care whether they call it BPD, trauma or pop tarts, I am glad I am getting help from people who can actually help me understand myself.

In fact the idea that I am just fine I just have to love myself has kept me feeling small and victimized because it only makes me feel like a BIG failure when I can't get better.

And anyway if it is all about understanding "I am perfect", well then I can be labeled with BPD or whatever and still be perfect right? So why so scared of labels?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Nice response and question, Ms. Lizette.
Thank you for that!
❤

[DelusionsDaily]

Ms. Lizette, I'm sorry you have struggled so much. To answer your original question...when I was diagnosed I was open with those closest to me mostly family but also some very close lifelong friends. I think that given the stigma it is wise to be careful but hiding it for me was a kind of inadvertent denial of sorts and that was also damaging. I found sharing it released some of that isolation I felt when hiding it.

[BlueAura]

Yes. I told my sister I have BPD and she immediately devalued it and said "it could be worse." B****..

Originally Posted by BlueAura

Yes. I told my sister I have BPD and she immediately devalued it and said "it could be worse." B****..

People who are so harsh towards those with MI are both insensitive and quite frankly, stupid. If the person wasn't a complete idiot, at least they would know what a disorder such as BPD is and not make a comment like that towards somebody who is supposed to be family.

And people wonder why I am so insensitive and harsh towards those who are so willfully ignorant, yet, refuse to do anything about it. I consider them a true threat to the rest of humanity and as such, I firmly believe that willful ignorance should be classified as a mental illness and treated as such.

I truly see people like that as secondary humans or subhumans if you will.

[subtle lights]

When I was first diagnosed first (basically told that I have BPD but not to attach myself to it) about ten years ago I didn't really want to accept it so I told myself I don't have BPD and then I was relatively okay for eight years because so it happened that I was in a kinda balanced relationship, and he was always there, we sort of became one person, I was very attached. I've had issues but was never alone and that helped.
In a way I felt that if I had accepted the BPD diagnosis, I would have had more issues. I would have had to live with it and it would have been worse.

But then it started going downhill, issues coming back, tenfold. Now, after being diagnosed again, I feel like I cannot really turn my back on it, this time I'm here left alone to face it.
But I'm afraid telling my parents for example, though I've been thinking about it. I think that my mother would be devastated, and I would feel guilty, I don't know. It's hard to talk about emotions with them, at least I could give them some source to read. They might just say, nah, this is not you. It can't be cause we gave you all you needed.
With my friends, I'm afraid for various reasons, not believing, saying everyone has these issues, I'm looking for attention etc
I feel the need to tell though, maybe it would help, I don't know.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

People who are so harsh towards those with MI are both insensitive and quite frankly, stupid. If the person wasn't a complete idiot, at least they would know what a disorder such as BPD is and not make a comment like that towards somebody who is supposed to be family.

And people wonder why I am so insensitive and harsh towards those who are so willfully ignorant, yet, refuse to do anything about it. I consider them a true threat to the rest of humanity and as such, I firmly believe that willful ignorance should be classified as a mental illness and treated as such.

I truly see people like that as secondary humans or subhumans if you will.

Unfortunately this is accepted and institutionalised ignorance, people actually believe that they are doing the right thing by saying thing like "it is not so bad, others have it worse". It sucks especially for people with BPD because most of us feel these as plain rejection and it hurts so much. I hate that just because others think they are doing the right thing, I'm not supposed to get angry at them.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

When I was first diagnosed first (basically told that I have BPD but not to attach myself to it) about ten years ago I didn't really want to accept it so I told myself I don't have BPD and then I was relatively okay for eight years because so it happened that I was in a kinda balanced relationship, and he was always there, we sort of became one person, I was very attached. I've had issues but was never alone and that helped.
In a way I felt that if I had accepted the BPD diagnosis, I would have had more issues. I would have had to live with it and it would have been worse.

But then it started going downhill, issues coming back, tenfold. Now, after being diagnosed again, I feel like I cannot really turn my back on it, this time I'm here left alone to face it.
But I'm afraid telling my parents for example, though I've been thinking about it. I think that my mother would be devastated, and I would feel guilty, I don't know. It's hard to talk about emotions with them, at least I could give them some source to read. They might just say, nah, this is not you. It can't be cause we gave you all you needed.
With my friends, I'm afraid for various reasons, not believing, saying everyone has these issues, I'm looking for attention etc
I feel the need to tell though, maybe it would help, I don't know.

My Dad refused to believe for a long time. Then he told me I was using it as an excuse. Now he believes (now that I have it pretty much under control) but still tries to tell me I need to "stop living in the past" or that I need to understand "things change" and if I could accept that I would be a lot better off, and he's sorry he never taught me that. So, he never completely took the time to hear me when I tried to explain BPD, but that's bc for whatever reason it was hard for him to hear. So he tuned it out. That's the way he is. I have learned to accept that.

Some people react in ways because it's all they can allow themselves to do. So before you tell someone, it's best to analyze how that person has handled "bad news" in the past and how they are with being "supportive", after that determine the pros n cons of telling n not telling n which way is more beneficial to you.

For me, I stopped caring what ppl thought n just became open about it.

Kinda like Phil Collins' song "I Don't Care".

But your choice is yours and yours alone each and every time.

[Unrigged64072835]

I haven't told anybody, but since it's in my medical records I can't hide it from medical personnel. I've gotten some looks of disgust and bad attitude when I'm in the hospital for MI.

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

My Dad refused to believe for a long time. Then he told me I was using it as an excuse. Now he believes (now that I have it pretty much under control) but still tries to tell me I need to "stop living in the past" or that I need to understand "things change" and if I could accept that I would be a lot better off, and he's sorry he never taught me that. So, he never completely took the time to hear me when I tried to explain BPD, but that's bc for whatever reason it was hard for him to hear. So he tuned it out. That's the way he is. I have learned to accept that.

Some people react in ways because it's all they can allow themselves to do. So before you tell someone, it's best to analyze how that person has handled "bad news" in the past and how they are with being "supportive", after that determine the pros n cons of telling n not telling n which way is more beneficial to you.

For me, I stopped caring what ppl thought n just became open about it.

Kinda like Phil Collins' song "I Don't Care".

But your choice is yours and yours alone each and every time.

My mom is kind of like your dad. She tries to make me "accept the past" but in many ways I feel she just invalidates me. It is very hard for parents to not make it all into some type of power struggle.

I wish they could understand that I am just trying to explain how I feel, not accuse them.

In many ways my parents are much worse at taking the fact that I have issues than any friend I have. They feel it is somehow about them and that freaks them out.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizette

My mom is kind of like your dad. She tries to make me "accept the past" but in many ways I feel she just invalidates me. It is very hard for parents to not make it all into some type of power struggle.

I wish they could understand that I am just trying to explain how I feel, not accuse them.

In many ways my parents are much worse at taking the fact that I have issues than any friend I have. They feel it is somehow about them and that freaks them out.

Exactly, and I think it's cuz of the part that refers to childhood experiences being a probable cause

Only a few people know in my family..I have got mixed reactions, Like you're crazy.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Lavender.

Only a few people know in my family..I have got mixed reactions, Like you're crazy.

It does help (if they will listen) if you give a brief education on BPD, have you tried that?

Most of my family don't understand anything about mental illness even though I have a brother who is a schizophrenic. My husband knows and understands, He has read books on it..The rest of my family don't want to know, I even sent them links on the internet about it but it made no difference so I have kinda given up.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Lavender.

Most of my family don't understand anything about mental illness even though I have a brother who is a schizophrenic. My husband knows and understands, He has read books on it..The rest of my family don't want to know, I even sent them links on the internet about it but it made no difference so I have kinda given up.

Yea if they aren't ready to hear or learn, you just waste time n energy trying n it usually end up triggered

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizette

In many ways my parents are much worse at taking the fact that I have issues than any friend I have. They feel it is somehow about them and that freaks them out.

This is exactly how I feel with my parents. My friends don't understand why I can't talk to my parents about my issues. Well, this is why, I cannot bear to see their disappointment, so I need to immediately say "no, it's not that bad, it's okay really" and pretend. Or they just go into denial mode.
I guess it's not easy for parents to face their children's pain, but it's hard whe you have to always pretend because they can't take it. Maybe it's typical for people with BPD, I don't know. That we always had to suck it up and pretend we don't suffer.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I honestly think it probably is typical with BPD for parents to be "less than supportive"

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I honestly think it probably is typical with BPD for parents to be "less than supportive"

Well yeah. How are BPDs made? From severe childhood abuse.

Parents who treat a child so poorly that they grow up to develop BPD or any other mental disorder for that matter don't deserve their child's love or acceptance.

I disowned pretty much my entire "blood" family awhile ago because those who didn't contribute to the abuse I suffered are just as guilty for not caring enough to want to be in my life when I needed them the most. I fully intend on proving how serious I am about this by legally changing my last name later and I am not ashamed of it.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Not all are abused, some have severe childhood trauma other than abuse - but even then I would suspect the parent would feel guilt for not helping the child to cope with it better when it happened

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Well yeah. How are BPDs made? From severe childhood abuse.

Parents who treat a child so poorly that they grow up to develop BPD or any other mental disorder for that matter don't deserve their child's love or acceptance.

I disowned pretty much my entire "blood" family awhile ago because those who didn't contribute to the abuse I suffered are just as guilty for not caring enough to want to be in my life when I needed them the most. I fully intend on proving how serious I am about this by legally changing my last name later and I am not ashamed of it.

I am proud of you for cutting unhealthy ties and moving forward in a healthy manner. *hugs*