[elevatedsoul]

im so tired of other people

all the time they impose their nasty *** feelings and moods all in my space

they trespass all over my feelings

sometimes i wish that i could act out instead of internalizing everything so much, yet it just makes me even more angry at myself because i do internalize so much instead of just telling everyone to just shut the **** up and get the hell away from me

im gonna blow up one of these days over this stupid ****

[elevatedsoul]

[subtle lights]

You have all the right to vent...

I've found it very helpful to speak up the sooner, the better. The issue is, that when we were not allowed to our own opinions, especially when it collided with the opinions of the authority figures, then we got used to repressing and also not knowing when it's the right time to make our perspective heard.
This is a big issue of mine, I never know when I'm "allowed" to say something, because I've learned that other people seem to be less bothered by all the things I'm bothered, but this sets up a vicious circle where you're more and more bothered by things, because you don't speak up, and so on.

[elevatedsoul]

yeah

but instead of telling them to please calm down and how they should handle the situation better i want to blow up and kill them or show them how much more angry than them i am because they are just being retarded and they are getting all in my space causing me to have a very valid reason to get all out of wack making my emotions and feelings go haywire...

i never speak up though, i always withdraw inside and yell inside at myself disconnecting from the real world which just causes more pain and suffering

people say that im level minded, calm, that i never get angry...
but they dont understand

they just dont understand the suffering i go through with this... not being able to express anger

not being able to express many emotions and feelings really, not just anger - expression is forbidden for a lot of things

[ladyklynn03]

You do have a right to vent. I have found that by reacting how people think you will, you give them more power over you. Unfortunately the world is made up of nasty, inconsiderate butt holes that think they are entitled to say what they want and treat people how they want with total disregard. It's not good for you to hold stuff so venting, journaling or completing anything to get ur mind off of stuff is a good thing. Keep your head up and keep venting to someone. Don't allow anyone to take your joy, get in your space or give them power over your life and emotions.

[Ofeelia]

I can relate to you. I find that when I am in a state of anger, I no longer feel paralyzed. I feel powerful and say whatever the hell is on my mind to the annoyer. But shortly afterwards, I feel guilty and remorseful and end up apologizing to the a-hole who contributed to me feeling angry in the first place. This gives the annoyer more credibilty and makes me out to be the "crazy" one. Its become a vicious cycle. What I suggest is distancing yourself from people who make you feel a certain way. And when you do have to interact with them, be firm and set boundaries. Ive tried this, and I was not successful. I guess it takes a lot of practice. But I do not want anyone to label me insanse for being in touch with my feelings. Good luck.