parents more ****ed up than me

After a summer where I had lots of chances to observe my parents, I am realizing they have as many mood swings/disregulation as I have.

My father was extremely depressed last week after a break up (he texted me saying he was afraid he would die of sorrow) and now he found a new woman and he texted me he is "as happy as he has even been". Well same has happened twice a year for years, the man is a sex/woman addict.

My mom avoids crying for months and then succumbs into depression after my dog died. I end up comforting her, whilst I self harm to cope with it all. It is MY dog, not hers. She was caring for her the last months, but it was MY dog, but SHE gets to be depressed whilst I can't access my feelings at all (currently disassociating a lot- I feel everything is unreal).

BUT HERE IS THE THING

I am the one who has a diagnosis, not them

I am the ****ed up one, not them

The more I understand myself and my problems. the more angry I am at them, because they are supposedly healthy, and I am supposedly the ****ed up one. But behind their diplomas (they are both into the psychology field), they are EVEN MORE ****ED UP THAN ME.

IT IS UNFAIR

Feeling bad lately I have no new treatment yet after the last center kicked me out and I can't deal with it

Damn

Sorry

I hate myself for spreading all this negativity in the world.

Anything is better than me- bears, sand, trees, rabbits, raspberries, you name it.

I am worse and more worthless than anything I should not be here

What is the ****ing point with my existence

sorry sorry sorry

I had to be my mom's personal therapist for nearly a decade since the age of 13.

She's pretty much an undiagnosed borderline and I had to console her throughout all of her disastrous relationships and irrational life decisions, including begging her not to kill herself.

It's more like she's the daughter and I'm the mother.

My mom is a registered nurse and talks about all of the crazy people she's had to deal with in the mental hospitals she's worked in, even though she is deemed crazy to almost anyone who really knows her.

You are not worthless. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

I mean even your post, however negative it may be, turned out to be something positive for me because I'm able to relate in some ways.

I'm sure others can too. It's okay to let your emotions out and this is a safe place for it!