[BlueAura]

Today was awful, my PTSD was out of control due to my husband's shouting over the weekend. Can't even endure someone shutting a cabinet, I leap out of my skin... So I'm hiding in the dark bedroom with earplugs in.

When I was younger, I wrote poems about some of the awful relationships I was in at the time. This one kept popping into my head today. It's actually a mixture of three separate poems with a standard theme. I wrote it when I was in my late teens/early 20s so it is just a lot of raw emotion.

Leave it, just leave it
I can't take it anymore
I can't stand the rejection*
Please stop slamming the door.
Just leave me alone to mold and die
Leave me alone, leave me right here
where I lie
Just pull it all back, anything we shared
Scrape it all off, for there's no evidence you cared
Even though I remember why,
I was so desperate to say goodbye
To the single life, with its pain
That drove me desperate, drove me insane
I'd go out, I'd live, I'd laugh
I'd come home, and drown, and die,
In a puddle of futile tears I'd lie.

And yet you drove me down onto my knees
When you sucked me so dry, I couldn't bleed
Can I make it, can I really
Make it to security?
It's so soft, warm, and fuzzy
But I'm naked on cold concrete.