[kittyfaye]

I was just diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago although I think I've had it since I was a teen. I'm 27 now. I have lost three friendships in the last six months and partly due to me being a crappy person. I don't have anybody else to talk to and it's driving me nuts. The loneliness is killing me. How do I keep my friendships? My life this past year has sucked so bad. I have no money, I'm struggling to pay bills, nobody will hire me because my resume has like 8 jobs on it, my car is falling apart, I have no friends, my siblings don't talk to me. All this makes me feel like I'm such a horrible person. I have such bad luck and nothing good has happened to me in forever. I hate my life so much. What has everybody else done to stay positive and keep friends?

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I'm afraid I would not be of much help with regard to your concerns since I am an aging recluse. However, here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of making & keeping friends:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-car...of-friendship/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...-your-friends/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-roots-of-loneliness/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/turning...-into-friends/

[PsychoPhil]

"partly due to me being a crappy person"

Can you be more specific? What makes you think that way?

[kittyfaye]

Originally Posted by PsychoPhil

"partly due to me being a crappy person"

Can you be more specific? What makes you think that way?

One friend wanted to cut off contact because she thought I was a toxic friend. I honestly thought she was overreacting but I told her I don’t want to cut off contact but I’ll just stop talking to her. She still won’t really talk to me. The other two were a brother and sister. The sister isn’t a big deal because I didn’t know her that well but the brother basically got mad at me in a restaurant right before I went to the psych ward last month. I asked him if he wanted to go eat somewhere because I got a tiny paycheck from a previous job and he assumed I was paying for his food. It was a minor miscommunication but he blew it way out of proportion and I haven’t talked to him since. These incidents have me questioning why these things happen to me and what have I possibly done wrong to make these people hate me so much. I’m at a loss...

[PsychoPhil]

Your friends may have turned indifferent, or they are somewhat annoyed, but I doubt they hate you. If that's your perception you may be overreacting yourself. When people you care about really no longer want to talk to you, respect their wish, stay friendly and wait for them to open up again. That may or may not happen, but that's the best you can do.

If you can identify behaviours that made your friend think you're toxic you you have something to focus on for the future. I wish you best of luck.