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#1
Jan 03, 2018, 11:20 AM
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something T said to me...
"maybe you are all of those things" but contradicting my feelings... how am i so different all the time, it doesnt seem like it should fit in 1 person maybe i need to accept myself and accept that its ok not to be ok sometimes... but i hate changing... going to kill off the bad aspects somehow i just wish this disability hearing would hurry so i can know if im going to be forced to work or not because im reaching the limit and cant wait longer... maybe going to work would be the best thing for me, to keep me busy during the day and doing something positive and routine... but 1 break down and im fired probably with something on the record saying what happened.. i hate stress 
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 Anonymous50909, Fuzzybear
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#2
Jan 03, 2018, 12:12 PM
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It's hard because there are no easy answers. I think so many of us struggle with the same questions. How long do you have to wait for the hearing?
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#3
Jan 03, 2018, 01:34 PM
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been waiting since may of last year for a court date,...
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#4
Jan 03, 2018, 01:35 PM
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my life is ruined...
because i cant have relationships... of any kind really besides acquaintance... cant focus... its climaxing...
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#5
Jan 05, 2018, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
Maybe going to work really would be the best thing for you.Staying busy would be good good for you instead of just sitting around focusing on all the bad things in your life. And I highly doubt one meltdown would get you fired.Don't set yourself up for failure by thinking of all the bad things that could happen.Instead focus on all the positive changes having a job would be. |
 elevatedsoul
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#6
Jan 06, 2018, 06:14 AM
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Yeah, thinking about the job is something I have been doing alot of..
I just wish I could get the back pay though because I can use it so bad… get a car and have money to practice driving and stuff to get my license etc.. Just been trying to convince myself and write that off as a loss and just start over… The job is at a masonry place where they sell bricks blocks sand and stuff loading trucks or whatever.. I dunno if I can handle it but I'm really pressured and need things to change asap because I can't take this life anymore ya know… But trying to believe it won't be too hard… driving fork lift and whatever else… Scary but I been scared for the past 28 years so what the hell… all I can do is fail or succeed.. I know everyone is different and stuff sometimes… But it seems to go extreme with me… I can be really high on the scale and feeling fine or even great and happy 😄 and not worried about things and then I can be low like within minutes… really depressed and ****ed and just thinking about how I can't change anything.. And I mean like I was telling people I would eat someone alive if they ****ed with me and I'm just not the aggressive type and do you know how hard it is dealing with repercussions of some actions or words…? Specially when you don't remember any or very much of what happened… Its like I have another ****ed up side that could be dangerous.. But I have lots of sides apparently… my problem is that they aren't all in agreement with whats going on or what to do you know? And I guess I have just been trying to get them all on the same page… Its really hard 😟😕 And I hate being alone so much now… just don't have anyone nice to hang out with that can make me feel good and safe around them… Cause this stuff always comes out when I try to get close and the person runs away saying I'm psycho…
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#7
Jan 09, 2018, 11:47 AM
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I think saying you don't remember any of it is a way for you to avoid taking responsibility for it. You have said this many times. You want someone nice to hang out with, but you have to be nice too... We all have different sides. Sounds pretty normal to me.
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#8
Jan 09, 2018, 12:00 PM
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((((((( elevatedsoul )))))))
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#9
Jan 13, 2018, 08:05 PM
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i want take responsibility though...
its not just words... its what happened... like i have a huge gash on my leg from whenever this happened and dont remember doing that either...
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