I have been looking for help with my issues for along time but have not found anything suitable. I have had some past dealings with the mental health services before, but the service I revived was unsatisfactory and ended up with my treatment being cut short due to the therapist leaving, or being shuffled from place to place until the paperwork was lost. In the most recent case, I was involved in case of malpractice, exploitation and abuse by a therapist.

I don't have an actual diagnosis, as I have been labelled with having everything from general mood disorder, to depression, to schizoid traits. I personally believe that I suffer from borderline personality disorder, although I don't have anything to back that up other than the diagnostic requirements seeming to fit.

I have not spoken to another person in 3 years. I have not had a meaningful relationship with another person in close to a decade. I rarely leave the house. I don't eat most days. I go through periods of delusion, obsessive fixation, and most frequently, extreme anger. I try to distract myself from these thoughts, but it rarely works for long, I usually find myself lost in thought of revenge, or lamenting the loss of what I used to be before all this.

It's important that someone helps me deal with this since I am incapable of doing it alone and the situation is becoming dangerous. At the time I am writing this I am feeling lucid, but that can change quickly. I have come close to suicide many times and even homicide. No matter what I do I can't shake these thoughts and these subjects are the only things I can think about when going to sleep, the first thing I think about when I wake up and occupy most of my waking life.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Zehm: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

P.S. I also have no diagnosis although I've been kicking around the mental health system where I live for going on 20 years now. Anger is a big problem for me too. And I have thought there was a time in my life (I'm an older person now) when I could possibly have been diagnosed with BPD. I've been told that BPD tends to burn itself out as a person ages. So that's possibly what happened to me. Anyway... I hope that coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support & that, somehow, you are able to find the real-life help you need as well.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

P.S. I also have no diagnosis although I've been kicking around the mental health system where I live for going on 20 years now. Anger is a big problem for me too. And I have thought there was a time in my life (I'm an older person now) when I could possibly have been diagnosed with BPD. I've been told that BPD tends to burn itself out as a person ages. So that's possibly what happened to me. Anyway... I hope that coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support & that, somehow, you are able to find the real-life help you need as well.

The mental health services where I live are useless. Well... for some at least. It seems some people get lucky and have all the help they could ever need while others are left to languish. The services tend to go through fads where they only help certain types of problems as well. It depends on what is being funded I think. One year autism might be the hot topic, which is good for people suffering from that, but if, for example, you have bipolar, then they'll just say you have autism and treat you for that in the hopes that what is good for one will be good for the other. Else-wise they'll send you to some 'catch-all' help group that's little more than the therapeutic equivalent of a placebo. I spent the whole day today looking for somewhere that might be able to help me, but all I can see are soft solutions with incredibly long waiting lists, or frauds charging £50 per hour to sit in on their psychotherapy routine. There is no real world help for me.