[Fuzzybear]

“We teach people how to treat us”

Have you found this to be true, or partially true, in your experience?

Also what is your experience with “black and white thinking” if this applies to you (sometimes)

[Rohag]

In my experience "We teach people how to treat us" is much more false than true. I find our influence over others is limited and erratic.

The most effective "shaping" seems possible mostly with small children. Beyond a certain age the power to shape another's behaviour diminishes rapidly.

[RubyRae]

I think that as adults we do teach people how to treat us by what are/are not willing to put up with.

Example,if someone treats me like **** and I don't stand up to them and overlook it then it's most likely going to continue.But if there were boundaries and consequences whenever the boundaries are crossed then they would learn quickly treating me that way is not ok and will not fly with me.

I never learned this early enough and it's exactly why so many people treat me like ****.I wish I had always stood up for myself,set boundaries and taught people how to treat me because it's very hard to try to change relationships and set boundaries with ppl that have a habit/pattern of being awful towards me.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

“We teach people how to treat us”

Have you found this to be true, or partially true, in your experience?

Also what is your experience with “black and white thinking” if this applies to you (sometimes)

Yes, certainly, absolutely true. You need only say that others respond to us based upon our self presentation: it’s possible that our presentation is unique to each person, based upon their presentation to us.

I’m a gray thinker. There are a few issues that I think of as moral imperatives, I guess, but I wouldn’t say that I could even make a good argument for those.

[Candy1955]

I tend to think other people taught people how to treat us, plus the biases formed over time. Then we say hello and BAMALAM they defend/attack, leaving us hurt, angry, feeling rejected.

[PsychoPhil]

[QUOTE=RubyRae;6074382]Example,if someone treats me like **** and I don't stand up to them and overlook it then it's most likely going to continue.But if there were boundaries and consequences whenever the boundaries are crossed then they would learn quickly treating me that way is not ok and will not fly with me./QUOTE]

Agreed, setting boundaries and enforcing consequences is the right thing to do. The consequences need to be harsh enough to terminate the problematic behavior, or else the abuser may continue just to provoke adverse reactions.

[LittleEarthquakes]

Yes it seems to be true.

[avlady]

Somtimes i think it is true, the problem is that others just tell you what you want to hear or treat you nice which could be a good thing just because they think that is what you want. i would rather be treated by their true selves rather than phoney personalities.

[Unrigged64072835]

Usually that is true--except that when people hear of my diagnoses, they treat me as a stereotypical crazy person, no matter how else I appear to them.