[tallandbroken]

BPD has ruined my life and my relationships. Thought I was always depressed most my life and just bad and relationships because I was kind of clingy and feared abandonment. Did impulsive things when relationships would end. Got better, moved away, worked full time in mental health, dated a great woman, pushed limits because afraid she would leave and afraid of abandonment, cheated on her even though I love her, freaked out when she left me, had to quit my job and move back home. Now all my friends and my ex wont talk to me, even though we were so close and I cant see a life without her. I cant get over her, cant move on with my life, its been 8 months and I still break down in public all the time and cant work. This happened once before and took years to get over, and I honestly cant believe it is happening again.

I did not know I had BPD until I got diagnosed towards the end of the relationship, she wanted me to get help but I was in denial. I wish more than anything I had gotten help and showed her I was invested in myself and her. Doing DBT therapy twice a week for 8 months but doesn’t seem to be helping. Sorry for all the details but I joined because I need support and just need to get back to the person I was. I had even been accepted into grad programs for counseling and then my own life blew up. I was helping at risk youth every day and then suddenly couldn’t even help myself. Now I am in such a hole I can seem to get out of.

Not sure how all the posting and stuff works, but Id love to talk to as many people as possible. I am 27 years old have been dealing with BPD although I didn’t know it was BPD for around ten years. I am more than happy to give more information to anyone that might be able to help me.

Thanks

[LittleAfrica]

I'm sorry to hear about all your struggles. I hope you find the support you need here.

Is there anything specific about DBT that isn't helping?

welcome.

((((hugs))))

[amicus_curiae]

I doubt that I can help you but I can empathize with at least ¾’s of what you wrote.

I, too, went through a bevy of relationships that went bad. I didn’t feel clingy — if a girl ended the relationship I would try to argue with her to get her to stay. My last ‘relationship’ was with my ex-wife. I tried everything to get her to keep me and I lost everything in the end.

Most recently, I lost a girlfriend and four other friends. I still mourn them. I am alone, now.

The abandonment thing has been with me for my whole life. It is very real.

You’re lucky to be so young — but I know how bad it feels to be in that hole. It hurt at any age.

You were diagnosed by whom? And have you sought a therapist? Obviously, you know the efficacy of counselling and ‘talk therapy’ really works for me (as do my medications).

I would recommend that you get help now. I was 25 when I started seeing a shrink. Had I followed the recommendations of my shrinks I think that, maybe, I wouldn’t have wound up old and lonesome.

Good luck.

[tallandbroken]

Originally Posted by LittleAfrica

I'm sorry to hear about all your struggles. I hope you find the support you need here.

Is there anything specific about DBT that isn't helping?

I was really invested in DBT in the beginning. Did a ton of work books, read a ton of book on the topic, etc. My therapist said that she could teach what is taught in skills group to me. I have asked for a lot of the work sheets and assignments. Trouble is we dont go over the assignments and I know the information but just dont use it alot. I think I struggle to actually use the tools in times of distress because I just really think they wont work. Over texting my ex (who doesnt text back) is my main problem is distress times. I find my relief thru other people reassuring me I will get thru it, but I need to be able to calm myself down. I just hate being alone and even if I do calm myself down then I am still lonely. I need to get a job so I do not have billions of hours of free time to think of the past and how my life possibly got to this point. Thanks for responding!

[LittleAfrica]

Originally Posted by tallandbroken

I was really invested in DBT in the beginning. Did a ton of work books, read a ton of book on the topic, etc. My therapist said that she could teach what is taught in skills group to me. I have asked for a lot of the work sheets and assignments. Trouble is we dont go over the assignments and I know the information but just dont use it alot. I think I struggle to actually use the tools in times of distress because I just really think they wont work. Over texting my ex (who doesnt text back) is my main problem is distress times. I find my relief thru other people reassuring me I will get thru it, but I need to be able to calm myself down. I just hate being alone and even if I do calm myself down then I am still lonely. I need to get a job so I do not have billions of hours of free time to think of the past and how my life possibly got to this point. Thanks for responding!

Would you be able to tell your therapist that you're battling to put the skills into practice? Let them know you'd like to go over the assignments? Or maybe even print this post and take it into your session for discussion?

I can empathise with wanting to reach out to a specific person. But the texting with the ex is hurting you. Is there anyone else you can maybe reach out to in times of distress if you're still struggling to soothe yourself?

I'm in the same with regards to work. I think things maybe wouldn't be so tough if I had something to occupy myself with.

Keep reaching out here

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome

[tallandbroken]

Thank you, this really means a lot to me. I have been dealing with mental health issues since the age of 17. Several hospitalizations since then but only last year did they finally find out it was BPD, and it really finally all made sense. I was diagnosis by a therapist who had me do a 350 question test. It has been very eye opening and makes a ton of sense, not sure why any doctors didnt notice it before. You are right the abandonment is so real, I feel for you as well. Hoping that you find some encouragement on support from the loneliness on here. Thank you

Originally Posted by amicus_curiae

I doubt that I can help you but I can empathize with at least ¾’s of what you wrote.

I, too, went through a bevy of relationships that went bad. I didn’t feel clingy — if a girl ended the relationship I would try to argue with her to get her to stay. My last ‘relationship’ was with my ex-wife. I tried everything to get her to keep me and I lost everything in the end.

Most recently, I lost a girlfriend and four other friends. I still mourn them. I am alone, now.

The abandonment thing has been with me for my whole life. It is very real.

You’re lucky to be so young — but I know how bad it feels to be in that hole. It hurt at any age.

You were diagnosed by whom? And have you sought a therapist? Obviously, you know the efficacy of counselling and ‘talk therapy’ really works for me (as do my medications).

I would recommend that you get help now. I was 25 when I started seeing a shrink. Had I followed the recommendations of my shrinks I think that, maybe, I wouldn’t have wound up old and lonesome.

Good luck.

[tallandbroken]

Lately I have been trying opposite action a lot. I shouldnt say that I havent been making progress because I went from texting me ex all the time without any replies back (maybe around 3-4 months ago) to now rarely ever texting. Maybe once in a blue moon during a break down but for the most part probably 1-2 text a month.

I have learned my ex sort of has a cycle too. Once I seem to be doing well and stop contacting her she will send a text or email after not talking to me in forever. I just started lamictal and it is really helping with the way I am thinking and I finally feel like I can just get over this. There is not suppose to be this much pain in a relationship.

However things seem to be looking up and I have some big scary changes coming up, but good changes. Just gotta keep going

Originally Posted by LittleAfrica

Would you be able to tell your therapist that you're battling to put the skills into practice? Let them know you'd like to go over the assignments? Or maybe even print this post and take it into your session for discussion?

I can empathise with wanting to reach out to a specific person. But the texting with the ex is hurting you. Is there anyone else you can maybe reach out to in times of distress if you're still struggling to soothe yourself?

I'm in the same with regards to work. I think things maybe wouldn't be so tough if I had something to occupy myself with.

Keep reaching out here

[LittleAfrica]

Originally Posted by tallandbroken

Lately I have been trying opposite action a lot. I shouldnt say that I havent been making progress because I went from texting me ex all the time without any replies back (maybe around 3-4 months ago) to now rarely ever texting. Maybe once in a blue moon during a break down but for the most part probably 1-2 text a month.

I have learned my ex sort of has a cycle too. Once I seem to be doing well and stop contacting her she will send a text or email after not talking to me in forever. I just started lamictal and it is really helping with the way I am thinking and I finally feel like I can just get over this. There is not suppose to be this much pain in a relationship.

However things seem to be looking up and I have some big scary changes coming up, but good changes. Just gotta keep going

That's good progress on the ex. Although I understand the confusion if they also have that cycle going on. However, you recognize it so that should help you a lot.

I'm very glad to hear that things are looking up for you and that the changes coming up are good even though scary.

PM me anytime. I don't check this part of the board too often.