What to do when you think you have BPD?

I have not been diagnosed with BPD but I can definitely identify and my sanity score listed BPD as one of my possible concerns.

I don’t trust counselors. I am very reluctant to spend time and money once again to try and find a good one when the last ten or so didn’t work out. Also, the ones I recently tried to go to don’t accept my insurance or aren’t accepting new patients.

I haven’t done well on antidepressants. I’ve tried about seven of them over the years and after several months I can’t take the side effects.

I don’t have suicial thoughts and I don’t think I have extreme behaviors - although I do spend too much time online shopping even when I want to stop. It’s a distraction from feeling sad or depressed.

But I am realizing that I wreck relationships. Why haven’t I realized or wanted to face this until my late 40s? I started reading Lost in The Mirror last night - per somebody’s recommendation on this board. Yep. That’s me. I strongly identify with all the behaviors when it comes to how I handle relationships. The fragility and fragmentation has plagued me all my life.

What did you do when you thought you had BPD? Did you see a counselor? - which I dread due to the bad experiences I’ve had. Did you read? Find a support group? Is this something I can “fix” - at least enough so that my friendships and relationships with co-workers can be more stable?

My hubby is a strong person and if not for his stubbornness we might not be together. So many times I threatened to leave just because of one argument... I have managed to put a top to that but I can see that I continue to sabotage other relationships and I want to stop doing it. I have formed some nice friendships recently and I want to keep them and keep them healthy.

Well... I suspect it may have been "yours truly" who made reference to Lost in the Mirror. It's the book I read that suggested to me I might have been diagnosable as having had BPD when I was young. I don't imagine that would be the case anymore. However, I've been told that BPD tends to burn itself out as one ages. And I've certainly done that.

I was struck by your comment regarding your husband being a strong person &, if not for him, the two of you might not be together. I have written, a number of times here on PC, that my wife & I have been married for 39 years. But that is her accomplishment... not mine... Were it not for her, I suspect I would probably be a homeless drunk.

I've taken a number of antidepressants (plus a few other things) over the years. None of it amounted to anything. I've also tried seeing a few therapists for brief periods. They ranged from mediocre to dreadful. Nothing ever came of any of that either. I'm no longer on med's nor do I see a therapist. I don't know as there is any way to "fix" BPD. But one can learn ways to manage the disorder.

What I have turned to as an alternative is the ancient Tibetan Buddhist practices called "Lojong" (mind training) specifically as taught by the American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. And, by the way, one doesn't have to be a Buddhist to employ the techniques. But it is one alternative to the standard psych med's & therapy path most people take. There is one technique I am particularly fond of. It is referred to as "compassionate abiding". Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice. Perhaps it can be of some benefit to you too:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

Of course, the standard treatment for BPD at this point in time is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Chances are you're already aware of it. But just in case you're not, here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/an-over...avior-therapy/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/dialect...isorder/?all=1

Thank you for sharing that info Skeezyks. That’s an interesting point you bring up, that BPD “burns itself out.” I’ll need to contemplate that. I like your compassionate approach to managing BPD. I keep having a sense that I am not a good person because of this and I know that’s not rational. I shall carry on reading and keep up with the posts here. Thank you for the encouragement that this can be done - and without the meds and counselors.

There are also lots of videos on YouTube with regard to BPD. Family therapist Kati Morton has a couple. Here are links to Kati's BPD videos:

Wow! Yes I meet at least five of the criteria she listed in the first video. The extreme fear of abandonment and the extreme feeling of emptiness.... The extremes with putting people on pedestals and knocking them down.... Those really stand out. And the quiet borderline she talks about in the second video fits. I’ve always felt like therapists don’t like me or don’t know what to do with me so I just quit going. Since I tend to be quiet spoken and kind of stoic - until I lose it - I was never diagnosed.

It’s a relief to know what all this is. Great videos! Thank you!