I'm in a very bad place and don't know how to deal with it

My sister called me a little after 1 pm crying very very hard, I tried to console her and ask questions about what is wrong, she was crying so hard I could barely understand what she was saying. After 10 minutes of trying to get her to calm down she decided to end the phone call and now she won't accept my phone calls, or text, I went to her house to check on her and she would not answer the door. She is a very closed off person and I'm doing my best to help her out by just being a little brother to her, but I am basically being blocked after she screamed for help(so to speak) this is where my problem lies. I got constantly berratted because I'm not plugged into the family and I never offer any solutions,so, situations like this I always get the blame placed on me. I hate making this problem my own when all I tried to do was help out but it is never good enough. Wtf do I do? My dad is a narcissistic perfectionist who can never get things right even though he thinks he is a God among men and my sister is so closed off she asks for help then shuts me off

I will gladly pm my phone number to anyone willing to talk. I'm in desperate need of a friend

I don’t understand what made your sister cut you off. I can see she is a very introvert person but does she have any other issue, or could she have felt bothered by a particular coment on your behalf?

Is it just you she's not answering the door to or is it everyone? Could you ask someone else to call round and check on her?

She called my dad and told him what she wouldn't tell me or anyone else and said she just wants to be left alone for the time being, no visitors no phone calls no nothing. I broke that rule last night and sent a lengthy text telling her I understand the severe pain of depression and I would always be there for her and that I love her. She called me when I was asleep so obviously I didn't answer, I thought about texting her again today but I don't want to upset her and I don't want her yelling at me for not respecting her wishes to be left alone so I didn't. It hurts me
Because I can empathize with what tiny little bit of information she gave me I could read between the lines and I just want to try to comfort her

Just texted her a few minutes ago and told her I understood the pain she feels. She said she would call me after awhile. Fingers crossed

Well, she called me, she wanted to be brave and put on her tough face. Guess I can't blame her she is trying so hard to be strong

Even though she called and tried to be brave towards me, I saw right through it. She is in serious pain mentally, I don't know how to help her anymore

I'm really sorry you're in such a complicated situation. Unfortunately she's the one that has to ask for help... the only thing you can do is keep remembering her that you will be there for her if something is wrong, which is what you're already doing. Big hugs to you and your sister

I texted my sister saying I was sorry if I upset her last night, her response was, thank you and I appreciate you but I've scared my boss to the point I'm gonna go stay with them because I shouldn't be alone and I agree. I told her wow, you could have just said you hated me to begin with and made things much easier for the both of us

I'm so sick and tired of trying to care about what family I have left and being pushed away because I don't matter.

Hang in there please Unforgiven1, you can make it. You tried to be there for your sister and that's awesome, anyone can see that. She may not be acknowledging it right now, but when she feels more settled within herself and gotten through her crisis, she'll see you were being a good brother, don't worry. Just let her tackle her situation her way for now, and take good care of yourself as well. You've done nothing wrong.

I honestly wish I could but truthfully I've been hurt by her too many times. This is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I will send you a pm with my number please call me I. Will explain in greater detail

Hi Unforgiven1, I'm sorry but I don't make phone calls. I actually hate using phones, it's part of my madness. But please, if you're feeling suicidal call a helpline. Will you do that for me? You should, because you deserve every chance to get through this hardship you're facing Unforgiven1. Many, many of us have faced the same kind of decision you're contemplating but we've gotten through and can find joys in life again - and so will you Unforgiven1. Be strong in your heart please friend.

Please, ring a helpline okay? Talk to them. They're very caring people.

I've called the suicide hotline multiple times and they won't help meat all no matter what I say. I've had them hang up on me because they couldn't handle me. It's ok if you don't want to talk would you text?

Really? They hung up on you? Wow.

No, I don't do phones but you can PM me if you like?

Did you read the poem I wrote?

Hey.

No, I didn't. Where can I find it? I like reading poetry.

Keep hanging in there too, Unforgiven1. These negative feelings will pass - just wait it out and try not to think too much.

Hi,

Are you going okay Unforgiven1? How are you feeling at present?

I read your poem and I thought it was very heartfelt and well written. Conveyed so much. You're a good poet.

Sadly I woke up again. Told my sister I love her and never got any type or response😢

I just got off the phone with the suicide hotline and all they could offer is generic responses

Well, good on you for trying. What about some activity or passtime that you find interesting? Throw all your energy into that, like your poetry for example. Let everything out on paper - the good, the bad, everything. It will be like a release, like a great weight has been lifted. I've done that before.

And keep reaching out on here as well Unforgiven1, people are listening. Do not give in, okay?

How are you?

Not good, I just woke up from a nap and already I want to scream

Sure. It's hours ago now, but what happened that you wanted to scream?

I'm like that 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. Always in pain