[GreenlyRN]

i rarely lose my temper with my family, in fact they usually describe me as the diplomat because I stay very neutral and work to resolve conflicts quickly, I don’t lash out at my friends and I stay very calm with coworkers even when they are being difficult. I do however have very intense anger outbursts with most of my past boyfriends and ex husband. The anger is usually from distrust or feeling wronged. I am never physical but my words can be very abusive (I am very ashamed to admit it) in the moment my rage justifies my terrible words but afterward I usually feel very remorseful. I’ve heard this can be Borderline Personality Disorder, however this only happens with my romantic partners, no other relationship is affected. I really want to get at the root of this problem. I have tried non violent communication techniques and other relationship advice but I feel this is a deeper problem. When the anger hits I feel like I lose control. Sometimes I feel anger is justified but just not to the point of losing control or being verbally abusive. Other BPD traits I have include misusing alcohol to cope with stress and anxiety although this was more in the past before I realized the problem. Now I use exercise and meditation. Although occasionallyI still have a night where I drink more than I intended and get emotional. I sometimes feel unsure of my self. However I also LOVE being alone when I have free time. I am very introverted and I accept it and nurture my need for me time. I don’t have any thoughts of harming myself. I love my career and don’t want to change my career area. I do like to travel and often think about moving to new places and sometimes do (Hawaii Colorado California just in the last 5 years). I’m a nurse so it’s easy to travel with my job. I do have strict eating habits -low carb gluten free sometimes vegetarian and I don’t like gaining weight but I’m not anorexic or bulimic. I can easily empathize with others and I think this helps me be a better nurse. I do sometimes have spacey feelings when I’m stressed like derealization or bizarre fantasies where I lead a double life- but I know they are fantasies. Does this sound like BDP?

[Skeezyks]

Hello GreenlyRN: Thank you for sharing your concern here on PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. And I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't offer anything with regard to whether or not what you are experiencing might be diagnosable as being BPD. (Perhaps other members may have had some similar experiences they can share.) However here are links to 6 articles on the subject of BPD, from Psych Central's archives, the first by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. The last link is to a BPD test you can take:

Borderline Personality Disorder

5 Possible Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder | Caregivers, Family & Friends

Life with Borderline Personality Disorder

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

6 Gifts of Borderline Personality Disorder

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline-test/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[AzulOscuro]

Welcome! Hope you find soon the answers you are looking for.