[jcl76]

Hi. I was diagnosed years ago and do very well BUT relationships. I cant believe after my last failed relationship (with a avoidant) I JUST discovered what the words "attachment styles"! So to know surprise I have the anxious attachment style which honestly I am excited I found an answer. Now I am digging for the solution as its a major piece to my puzzle.

Does anyone know anything about it or have any success reaching closer to a secure attachment style?

[MobiusPsyche]

With years of therapy, yes, I think I've come closer to a secure attachment style but I still have some features of an anxious attachment style. I just have to try to avoid acting on those emotions as quickly as they come up, learn to sit with them for a while and then they're not so scary. It takes a skilled therapist, though, and lots of them are wary of attachment work.

[CF17]

Well, there are many theories and ideas to explain human attachment - from Freud, Erikson, to Harlow, Ainsworth, and Bowlby. Most of these views emphasized that attachment is developed at a very early age, established through your relationships with your caregivers and/ or genetic factors. But the thing is, those who came up with secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment labels predominately believed that this most likely will remain a stable trait throughout your lifespan. However, although this is NOT a fixed trait that is stuck with you from childhood until the rest of your life, these styles are very difficult to change. To go from anxious style, defined as emotional, possessive, and less trusting, to secure, having positive views of relationships, finding it easy to get close to others and not get overly stressed is a long journey of hard work - but not impossible. As a matter of fact, attachment styles make a moderate contribution to relationship functioning. There are many other factors and variables involved, so do not obsess over this term; an anxious attachment does not define who you are nor how successful you will be in your life overall.

I would recommend that you first seek a good therapist since this may be too ingrained in you - and obviously due to your Borderline diagnosis. I personally lean towards an anxious attachment also, so I find it helpful to work on my self-esteem. What helps me is exercise, finding fun things to do by myself (like take a nice walk, read, watch a movie) and also connect to positive people. I have seen a lot of improvement, but it will be a lifetime struggle. The good news is, some studies also reported that both insecure attachments and BPD symptoms reduce with aging. Therefore, time itself is a treatment...

Be well

[K0123]

I was unaware of this information regarding bpd, but plan on looking into it. Thank you so much for this post!

[mountainstream]